Wow... I never realized jsut how beautiful a voice Tracy Chapman has... She is a truly gifted artist. Me and Aimee were singing along in the car last night, to this song that just matched both of our voices perfectly. There was a high alto, low soprano voice, and then Tracy Chapman's voice. No need to say who was singing what.. We all know that Aimee has the msot gorgeous soprano voice in our school, with Makala (I don't know how to spell it, stupid me.) being the most gorgeous alto.

Anyway, I'm, at the moment, looking for the song we were singing last night, and finding quite a few awesome ones instead. I wish I could sing like her, LoL I was told to start singing again, and... with my newest and latest and greatest song, I have been. I needed the encouragement, I think. I love to sing, and I used to be pretty decent about it. Then I stopped, and forgot how much I liked it. *grins* I'm all excited now... It's a great thing to have found it again. Singing jsut makes you feel sooo good!

Anyway, me and Aims had an awesome night last night... We kinda actually hung out all day. I got home and Mom was like, "yeah, no work for you today." Not a cool thing, because Amy got into an accident or was sick or something and never showed up for work, but I was excited ebcause there was no work. So anyway... I headed over to Joe's, and we went for a walk, picking up Aimee along the way, then eventually stopping and staying at Corey's house for an hour or so, while he made fun of Aimee... hehe Poor Aims... I luv ya girly! Poor Joe... I jsut kinda dragged him along for the ride, hehe ...

Then, he had to go to work, so he dropped me off at Aim's, and we went out for dinner at the best pizza place in RI... House of Pizza. Awesome place! hah! Anyway... after that, we went to hte Hockey game between the Pascoag and Nasonville firefighters... Nasonville won. We saw Mr. Joe there, but we didn't really talk or anything until me and Aims were getting ready to leave, and wanted to take his car instead of mine... heheh. He woulda let me, but... I didn't want to take the chance of killing it. *grins*

So, then me and Aims went to Brewed Awakenings and got raspberry smoothies and two choco chip cookies each. They were soooo goood! lmao Then we went home at around 10, and met up with Joe and the other kid... chris, maybe? Nick? (I really should know this, but I forgot... Oops?) at the rink again... We all sat in the snackbar and jsut hung out for about half an hour... Then I drove Aims home, was late for my own curfew because I went like... 20 the whole way because of the fog. Ugh... It was soupy.

Anyway, it was a good nigh. And tonight I' heading out to see Missa's play! yay!

*le sigh* I have no work today... Something happened to Amy, so they dun need me. Which means, I'm pleased to say, that as soon as I get the car back, I can go hang out with Acorn. Granted, he prolly won't be home, but... I can hope, right? LoL

Anywho... In the end of Biology, I got my hands on Mr. Auld's phone. Bwuhah! I called home and was like, "Hi Santa! I'm wearing elfin shoes in my biology class, and I would like a pony for my birthday. Luv ya, bye bye!"

(Note: Elfin shoes are sneakers with capos, stolen from Richie, hanging off the tongues. They do kinda look like elfin shoes, if you have an imagination!)

Yeah, so Bio was a ton of fun today... Highlights... I was sliding under the lab tables to sneak up on richie, and he caught me on my back, half under the table, and I was like... Uh... And he was like, Holy crap, man!! And Missy was like... Neato!!

Yep, can ya tell I miss my pony? No word of a lie, I was getting ready to leave, and had jsut typed in the last sentence of my blogger entry on here, and said g'bye to everyone on AIM, when suddenly I was caught up in that burst of horrible writing... So, please excuse me for the outburst. Actually, no. I refuse to be sorry for it. Do you know how much I've avoided even mentioning horses in the last few years? I worked so hard to never talk about them, I finally eradicated them from my list of things to talk about. I don't even refer to them in context... It's pathetic. I remember when everyone used to know everything that happened, and I knew they were all exasperated with horses, so I finally weaned myself away from that topic, and now I don't even broach it... ever. Well, ya know what? If you don't like my tales, if you don't like my horses, too bad. It's part of me, a major part of me. One of the largest pieces of my heart, ever. Did you ever know my first love was a horse? The first soul I ever cried abut for days at a time was a horse named Manny? Did you know that I was saved from a broken hip by a horse named Mouse? Oh yeah... And did I ever mention that some of the greatest times I've ever had in my life were atop the long-legged, graceful beings that so many think, even believe, are stupid? I didn't think so.

You people don't know anything about me. Maybe a few know a little bit, but really. Think about it. How much do we really know about each other, period?

No... Not what I want to say. I don't know what to say... I wrote it all out elsewhere.. I jsut have no words left to type, no emotions left to drain. All i know is the immense feeling inside me that makes me want to cry... And laugh all at the same time. Though it doesn't solve all my problems, it sure does cast a new light on msot, adn helps me resolve quite a few.

Now, what to do about Dan. Steal her. Someone find me a bar, and I'll steal my fricken horse. I swear to God. I would steal her if I had anyplace to go... I would buy her and put her in my bedroom if it was big enough... I miss her, and I want my pony back. *le sigh* I suppose I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I jsut can't win... All I can do is sneak around and wonder about her... I think I may jsut go upstairs and cry. For the part of me that is happy, and the part of me that is so sad.

The grey look about, ears pricked forward in anticipation of her friend's arrival... Oh, what a pair they make, the tall, clumsy girl, and the small, graceful mare. Two complete opposites in personality, in reason, yet bonded to one another in a way that even the girl could not write off. She'd seen it in her mind, that quick and agile brain working quick as hers, the inexplicable knowledge that this went further than fun, went further than mere hard work or experience... This was a bond not easily broken... And the girl was scared. Beyond all reasoning, beyond all words, the fear was shoved far into the back of her mind, where memories of the Other was kept, locked away so that none may see, kept under a security to rival Saddam's own, wherefore none may speak of her secret pain, the quiet, creeping sadness that poked up when she looked around...

Dark brown eyes soften as the apple comes near her velvet nose, appreciating the quiet crunch of the apple as the door slips open. A race it is, eh? That sly look comes into hte mares eyes, as she spies the other girl, the dark-haired one going into the Friends stall. A brush run quickly over thin skin, silky fur, a saddle placed quickly atop, and a snap as her teeth stop short from the girl's arm, which flicks into the air, threatening to smack at her, the threat always there, never coming true. That darned girth... what was the point of a piece of leather around ehr belly, stopping her breath? It did not make running any easier... Ah, yes, she let it out a bit, but not too much. How nice...

Down the driveway, hooves clip-clopping loudly atop the driveway in a lively beat, as she prances abck and forht, the girl sitting quietly atop her back, allowing her her fun. Bugsy ahead, quietly picking her way to the road... Across the bridge, a jump, as per usual, at the sound of water rushing udner hre feet, the girl still sitting quietly, calmly, awaiting the moment of freedom that she knows is coming... It's sunday. There are no trucks today, and the sand hills are theirs....

The wind whips through her mane, sending it back, stinging, into the girl's face, the bti tight agaisnt her teeth, hlding her back from the speed she wants to go... A sshe catches up, gaining, gaining, gaining on the Friend... And she's past!!! The reins go slack, and the girl is hunched over her neck, urging her to ever fasater speeds, ever stronger strides, ever longer hoofbeats. She's flying, and she hasn't reached her limit yet, she hasn't reached her peak... The sand beneath her feet is soft, giving easily beneath her racing hooves, hind legs bunching as her father's before her, as in his finest race, he swept under the finish line, the best in Europe... All this goes through the girl's mnd, as she rides, dreaming atop the mare's back, her mind enver more concentrated, her face never more intencse, her eyes never bluer, her mouth never set more determinedly... Yet she dream, dreaming of the races Dan was bred for, the screaming fans they swept by. The dream is no better than the reality, that she's rocketing along on this little mare who's jsut proven she's the fastest in the barn, the hardest to handle, the sweetest to love.

Wow... I just read through this thing and was thiking... Oh man... It is so impersonal now... I never put down what I'm feeling or thinking or anyhting! i jsut document what I did that day... How boring!!

Why'd I do it? I knew it was wrong, and yet I still did it. That self-destructive streak again... If Clarissa was right and I'm like a Mini Jeanne... I'd seriously hurt myself, physically. I don't think I could face being like jeanne. I sitll think of her and either want to jsut start bawling, or shiver in the leftovers of terror that I felt whenever I was near her... She affected so many people and hurt so many, including me, I don't think I could deal with the consequences I'd have on people with that type of tendency in me. Oh frell. I'm quivering at the moment, jsut thinking about it... Oh my god... Someone tell me I'm not like her, please. Please...

talk about teary. I never cry... Never. Unless completely frustrated, or angry, or... something completely out there. Yet jsut the memory of her makes me cry. And it's not any one thing she did.. It was her presence... I think she was the one who finally made me able to see bad people. Clarissa always asked me why I was dead afraid of her, and I never could answer... She jsut didn't feel right. I never wanted to be left alone with her, and yet always was, because Clarissa was hurt... And because I loved Mouser.... And needed to protect him. Oh geez... what is this? Teary time? No. Mouser and jeanne are in the past. I don't ahve to deal with either of them any more. Enough. Good night.

Geez... I am such a ditz... Whenever I am happy, it always makes me act like a complete moron... I jsut can't seem to get serious. Like, serious conversation don't make me happy, so when I'm in a good mood, I act like a retard... I guess it's my own way of humor, as I'm jsut not very witty or funny or much... Just kinda silly. It makes mes sad when I think about it. All the good stuff I never got to talk about it, being wrapped up in my giddy highs of joy. I mean, I realizenow why people think I'm such a blonde and don't take me seriously. I don't give them a chance. I mean, people who know me really well know jsut how moody and wuickly my temper can turn, but geez... Some people, You completely disregard me as a joke, and make me feel like the reason I hang out with you is so that yuou can feel superior to me. Well, to you, I say, Go to Hell. I'm not a joke, and I have a brain. I may not be the greatest at saying what I mean, but that's jsut me... take it or leave it. And even this whole paragraph dowesn't say what I mean. I jsut can't put words to what I feel deep down. Maybe that's why people find me so shallow-seeming. I don't do it because I know I'm not good at it.

Yup, it's official. It ahs been since Sunday, but I didn't really want to let it out. Of course, it was all out by 2nd period this morning, when katie went and screamed it to Meagan... i wanted to kill her. Instead, I kicked her and she punched me... I now ahve an aching shoulder.

I think I'm gonna ehad to bed now... BTW. I'm going shopping tomorrow. If any of you want me, call me before 3. Cya!

Anyway, we had the talk I had been going to his house for yesterday, when the tire went flat. Well, yup. WE went down to Jamestown, with his dog, Molly, and hung around the beaches, and Beavertail Light for a while. Molly had so much fun jumping in the surf and riding in the car. I got my first oral warning from a policeman for speeding, and, well... Eh, whatcha gonna do, right? I had a great time, picked up a lot of coolshells that I can't wait to find soemthing to do with... I don't think Joe had as much fun as I hoped he might, but he said he liked it...

*sighs* I'm really tired... Going to bed. Night all.

Yep... So, I was a bit aggravated last night... well, actually a bit more than a bit... A lot, really. And I think I was doing a great job from just ignoring Mr. Juice completely. Either way, though, me and Katie went out to Brewed Awakenings and enjoyed ourselves greatly, after I made damned sure that Juice knew he wasn't allowed. Oh right. Anyone who didn't hear the story may want to know what happened, huh? Well, that'd be everyone but katie, so... he wanted me to go over his house. So, I'm like, okies... I start out, only to find that the car has a flat. So... my parents come home and my dad says he's gonna teach me how to change a flat. so, I call Joe and tell him I'll be over in a bit, and he'll be home for a while, jsut going to Keegan's after that. So, I get done with the tire, and head over to his house, about 1/2 an hour later, only to find his mum telling me to go to Keegan's... Nevertheless that, I try to find it, and give up, finally heading home, and my mum gives me directions. She points me back in the right direction, and I head out once again, only to find the damned house, without anyone in IT!

So, anyway... I was not a happy camper, and... I don't care how much it ruined the talk of "us." - My attitude that is, I'm talking about. Eh, whatever, jsut documenting what I did... As per usual in this stupid thing. LoL Anyway, had a great time with Katie. We talked and laughed, and I spent about 10 bucks total. I'm all excited... hehe Anyway, work tonight, so... blah. But, what can I do for the day...? Who knows?