I have decided that... I should just... stop trying to find things to do, because then I overbook. hahah
Oy. Just oy. hahah
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I am sick. Or, more likely, I should be sick. Sick of life. Sick of school. Sick of being a psycho. Sick of boys. Sick of girls. Sick of studying. Hah. What studying?? I haven't studied in weeks, because I cannot seem to sit down and just do it. Sorry, Matt. I'm going to fail because quite simply, I am not as motivated as you, and yes, perhaps I should drop out of college because I am NOT one of the few who puts their all into it. Fuck you, I can do this, I have done it, I just need to get this shit done for 2 more weeks, then I'm free.
Back to the topic on hand. Sick of work. Sick of cells. Sick of carbon, oxygen, and sugars. I am DEATHLY sick of teachers who don't speak English or trick you on exams. I am sick of dying aloe plants. I am sick of being shut down at every turn, no matter how menial the question is. I'm sick of worrying about my GPA. I'm sick of praying that I get a good grade in all my classes. I'm sick of Josh. I'm definitely sick of drama- so sick, I may BE sick.
On the other hand, my rooms smells quite nice whenever I walk in, due to the Easter Lily in the corner. I love my mommy. I do NOT love my mommy when she tells me everyone is more intelligent than me, including my drug-addict brother, my good friend, and the world at large. Definitely not. I love Easter dinner, I hate leaving the table t ogo cry inhte bathroom DURING Easter dinner. I loooooove picking up my g-rents at the airport. I love hanging out with people who make me laugh. I LOVE that my spider plant is doing so well and these crazy-colored flowers on my desk are still crazy-colored. I love the people who love me for all my ups AND downs, who know when to just... smack me back and tell me I'm being a bitch instead of holding it down and erupting. I just wish I had more softball games- it was so much fun! I forgot how much I love running as hard and fast as I can. Running bases is fucking awesome! And I'm damned fast! haha
I'm really tired... And the two main things on my mind, in general, are: School and Boys. I'm just going to have to ignore one to focus on the other, but... I'm really worried that by doing so, I'm going to lose people who I really really liked to hang with at one point, because I can be a HUGE jerk. Maybe this should go under the statement aforementioned about those who love me for my ups and downs. Mebbe?
I do NOT want to do Organic Chem, and I'm pretty sure that no matter how incredible Joia Mukherjee was tonight, not much of it sank in because I am so utterly stressed, exhausted, and ready to cry at any point due to the above two topics lodged firmly in the front of my every waking (and dreaming) thought.
I thought, at one point, that perhaps Anti-retrovirals should not be given, because it prolongs the life of an HIV carrier, which would then mean that they can spread it to uninfected people. But after seeing the film tonight, the difference that it makes, turning scarecrows into someone you would see as normal, has vastly altered my perspectiv, forcing me to rethink my position on this matter. A picture says a thousand words, and in this case, I believe that is true. See the number of HIV-born children versus Non-HIV-born children, was... Holy Shit incredible. The number of children born WITH HIV greatly, by about 3x, outnumbers the children born without, in many parts of Africa and the Middle East. If they'd had retrovirals, it would not be the case. There is so much life lost...
"The poor are invisible, just like the children." Kids being taken out of their schools by other armed children, forced to join a war in which they have no part, other than to terrorize and force adults to choose between shooting or not shooting a child? Possibly their own or one they knew in a past life?? How are we not incensed by this? How are we not driven to action by the sheer numbers of people with HIV, who could lead healthier, productive lives with the use of a drug that would cost $150 dollars per year. How many poeple in the US could donate $150 per year? How many?! Geezus fucking christ, what is wrong with us??
Back to the topic on hand. Sick of work. Sick of cells. Sick of carbon, oxygen, and sugars. I am DEATHLY sick of teachers who don't speak English or trick you on exams. I am sick of dying aloe plants. I am sick of being shut down at every turn, no matter how menial the question is. I'm sick of worrying about my GPA. I'm sick of praying that I get a good grade in all my classes. I'm sick of Josh. I'm definitely sick of drama- so sick, I may BE sick.
On the other hand, my rooms smells quite nice whenever I walk in, due to the Easter Lily in the corner. I love my mommy. I do NOT love my mommy when she tells me everyone is more intelligent than me, including my drug-addict brother, my good friend, and the world at large. Definitely not. I love Easter dinner, I hate leaving the table t ogo cry inhte bathroom DURING Easter dinner. I loooooove picking up my g-rents at the airport. I love hanging out with people who make me laugh. I LOVE that my spider plant is doing so well and these crazy-colored flowers on my desk are still crazy-colored. I love the people who love me for all my ups AND downs, who know when to just... smack me back and tell me I'm being a bitch instead of holding it down and erupting. I just wish I had more softball games- it was so much fun! I forgot how much I love running as hard and fast as I can. Running bases is fucking awesome! And I'm damned fast! haha
I'm really tired... And the two main things on my mind, in general, are: School and Boys. I'm just going to have to ignore one to focus on the other, but... I'm really worried that by doing so, I'm going to lose people who I really really liked to hang with at one point, because I can be a HUGE jerk. Maybe this should go under the statement aforementioned about those who love me for my ups and downs. Mebbe?
I do NOT want to do Organic Chem, and I'm pretty sure that no matter how incredible Joia Mukherjee was tonight, not much of it sank in because I am so utterly stressed, exhausted, and ready to cry at any point due to the above two topics lodged firmly in the front of my every waking (and dreaming) thought.
I thought, at one point, that perhaps Anti-retrovirals should not be given, because it prolongs the life of an HIV carrier, which would then mean that they can spread it to uninfected people. But after seeing the film tonight, the difference that it makes, turning scarecrows into someone you would see as normal, has vastly altered my perspectiv, forcing me to rethink my position on this matter. A picture says a thousand words, and in this case, I believe that is true. See the number of HIV-born children versus Non-HIV-born children, was... Holy Shit incredible. The number of children born WITH HIV greatly, by about 3x, outnumbers the children born without, in many parts of Africa and the Middle East. If they'd had retrovirals, it would not be the case. There is so much life lost...
"The poor are invisible, just like the children." Kids being taken out of their schools by other armed children, forced to join a war in which they have no part, other than to terrorize and force adults to choose between shooting or not shooting a child? Possibly their own or one they knew in a past life?? How are we not incensed by this? How are we not driven to action by the sheer numbers of people with HIV, who could lead healthier, productive lives with the use of a drug that would cost $150 dollars per year. How many poeple in the US could donate $150 per year? How many?! Geezus fucking christ, what is wrong with us??