Yeah... Well, as for being depressed? I kicked that fast... did you really have any doubts? No? I did. I knew how it has been in the past... Always pretending to be happy, but everone and yourself knows how crazy sad you are- transparent as me? It's not hard to tell. But... I have a new distraction, and though it still kind of comes up with certain actions, I'm pretty much cool.
My new distraction? Oooh... Well, let me tell you. Gladly. There are no trust issues, becuase as far as I can tell, he's looking for someone to joke around with and just... be friends with benefits. Which works for me... I'm still feeling wicked paranoid.
His name is Felix... Like the cat! And let me tell you... Oh, dear Lord, he's enough to make any category of "hott like whoa!" About 6', WICKED built, Dominican, with this sexy spanish accent, and all the good stuff. Good times with Beth and him and Luis, his cousin/roommate. Luis is dead sexy, too; 6'3", slender but muscular, and with an accent, too!! And he speaks Japanese! How cool is that!?
Anyway... It's been fun stalking them both with Beth... LoL Running through the boiler room becuase it's frelling hot!! funny shit... and jumping over the creepy holes in the floors! lmao
So, how're those poolsticks?
Luis speaking spanish with Felix,
Felix looking at him, then me, "Are you sleeping over tonihgt?" LMMFAO!!
Wicked funny... And yes, I have slept over their dorm... Actually, the first night I met them... heh! In the extra bed, of course!!
Friday, October 22, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Beyond this last mention of last night's events, you are gone. Like the dirt washed away by last night's rain. Maybe the rain is a metaphorical symbol. Cleansing away the old, and bringing to light the new.
Please don't ever call, IM, or contact me in any way. You hurt me too much, and I'm afraid I might forgive you.
Last night, I found out who my real friends were, and who they weren't. Carolyn, Beth, Laura, Corey, Dave, Devon, thank you so much for being there when I needed you last night. Carolyn, Beth, and Laura, if you hadn't come to rescue me, I probably would still be stuck on the side of Rte. 102... Thank you so much.
What happened? An interesting story for sure.
On Sunday, I was a bitch to the One Who No Longer Exists (aka Catfish) because he was a dick to me. I was sick of fighting though, so I headed up to Providence to see his hockey game and apologize. In retrospect, I'm kind of glad I didn't get the chance.
The long and short of it is, "I don't know where Rte. 95 is; I can't help you." CLICK! Which is exactly what he said when I called him, as I was going 50 mph down Rte. 95 in South Providence, my car overheating.
Carolyn, Beth and Laura were the ones to rescue me, and for that I am extremely thankful. Like I said, I know who my friends are, and who they aren't.
I am horribly depressed. I'm going to bed... For the rest of the day.
(And people wonder why I have trust issues? No more questions, please.)
Please don't ever call, IM, or contact me in any way. You hurt me too much, and I'm afraid I might forgive you.
Last night, I found out who my real friends were, and who they weren't. Carolyn, Beth, Laura, Corey, Dave, Devon, thank you so much for being there when I needed you last night. Carolyn, Beth, and Laura, if you hadn't come to rescue me, I probably would still be stuck on the side of Rte. 102... Thank you so much.
What happened? An interesting story for sure.
On Sunday, I was a bitch to the One Who No Longer Exists (aka Catfish) because he was a dick to me. I was sick of fighting though, so I headed up to Providence to see his hockey game and apologize. In retrospect, I'm kind of glad I didn't get the chance.
The long and short of it is, "I don't know where Rte. 95 is; I can't help you." CLICK! Which is exactly what he said when I called him, as I was going 50 mph down Rte. 95 in South Providence, my car overheating.
Carolyn, Beth and Laura were the ones to rescue me, and for that I am extremely thankful. Like I said, I know who my friends are, and who they aren't.
I am horribly depressed. I'm going to bed... For the rest of the day.
(And people wonder why I have trust issues? No more questions, please.)
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Hah!!!!
Lines of the night- "You fucked up." and... "Beta bubbles, anyone?" LMAO Lindsey, I missed you so much. Never leave me again, hun.
It's kind of ironic how I found an old friend and had so much fun, on the same night that I drove a cleaver through the last tendrils of friendship with another. I'm tired of being discreet. Fuck it. Why should I even give him something to hide behind? I remember why I dislike jocks, and why I originally figured that no one should trust them. Becuase they're assholes. All of them. Even the ones who you tell your secrets to, use their shoulders for tissues, make laugh when all they want is to die, get corrupted by and have so much fun doing it.
At the moment, I'm unsure of what I feel, but mostly, I think its true, deep, hurting, "If this was anyhting else, I'd find Nick and cry to him," aching, sadness. In fact, I think I may jsut give in and cry, becuase I can't do anything else. One phone call doesn't make this better, Nick. All or nothing? I choose nothing.
You want to know why I wanted to hang out? Hah. You'll probably never know, now. That message was an explanation of the rules of the new game. Basically, you've hurt me time after time, and I'm finally setting up some rules. No more bullshit. I'm not calling, I'm not making plans, I'm not asking you what you're doing, I can do it without you.
I'm hurt, I'm crying, I feel like I'm dying becuase I did this to myself, but it is something that needs to be done.
And I'm angry. Deep-down, boiling, seething, raging anger. If I had a shoe, I'd throw it so hard, your kid would have a dent in his head. I actually tried to kick you where I've never even contemplated kicking any guy in my life. That's how angry I am. Evil-pissed.
Lines of the night- "You fucked up." and... "Beta bubbles, anyone?" LMAO Lindsey, I missed you so much. Never leave me again, hun.
It's kind of ironic how I found an old friend and had so much fun, on the same night that I drove a cleaver through the last tendrils of friendship with another. I'm tired of being discreet. Fuck it. Why should I even give him something to hide behind? I remember why I dislike jocks, and why I originally figured that no one should trust them. Becuase they're assholes. All of them. Even the ones who you tell your secrets to, use their shoulders for tissues, make laugh when all they want is to die, get corrupted by and have so much fun doing it.
At the moment, I'm unsure of what I feel, but mostly, I think its true, deep, hurting, "If this was anyhting else, I'd find Nick and cry to him," aching, sadness. In fact, I think I may jsut give in and cry, becuase I can't do anything else. One phone call doesn't make this better, Nick. All or nothing? I choose nothing.
You want to know why I wanted to hang out? Hah. You'll probably never know, now. That message was an explanation of the rules of the new game. Basically, you've hurt me time after time, and I'm finally setting up some rules. No more bullshit. I'm not calling, I'm not making plans, I'm not asking you what you're doing, I can do it without you.
I'm hurt, I'm crying, I feel like I'm dying becuase I did this to myself, but it is something that needs to be done.
And I'm angry. Deep-down, boiling, seething, raging anger. If I had a shoe, I'd throw it so hard, your kid would have a dent in his head. I actually tried to kick you where I've never even contemplated kicking any guy in my life. That's how angry I am. Evil-pissed.