I have sunglasses perched on my head- I'm cool. Summer cool. *Sloe smile* I like that word. When used with eyes, it means slanted, dark eyes. I am using it to show that I'm feeling marvelously sensuous, smiling a smile that any dark, slant-eyed girl would be proud of. Even if I am blonde-haired and blue-eyed... Marvelously Aryan, really.
"I still hear your voice as if you were next to me.
I still feel you in my dreams."
Cascada- Every Time We Touch
"I'm really a cat you see,
And it's not my last life at all!"
Shakira - Don't Bother
I love sunglasses. They hide your eyes but you can still see everyone else. I find it unnerving when I walk by people and wonder what they're thinking or really looking at, but I understand completely why they wear them. It's a mixed symbol- at the same time you are inviting people to look and wonder, they act as a mask of anonymity. But I guess anything could be classsified as that, if youthink long enough- clothes. I mean... why wear crazy clothes unless you are tempting to look and wonder what's beneath, only to cover it up? haha Maybe that's the whole fun in it?
I think about stuff sometimes... Stuff involving Matt, and it gets me kinda sad because I realize I probably won't ever see him like that again, but then I think that good times are for remembering and it's okay to be sad becase I -won't- see him like that anymore. But I think hte best part is that I'm not spiralled into a down-down place when I think about it. It's good knowing that you can deal with something like that, without going pscho about it. When he came over the other day, right after we last talked, I immediately went into Kate's room and collapsed crying on th floor because he was ignoring me and I was ignoring him, and it hurt and I hated it. But then I put it into perspective and decided to make it okay. Making a decision was the key thing. No more letting others make up my mind for me. I can do it all by myself. And I did. And I went into the room, smiling, "How's the game going, boys?" and settled on the couch to read, and... was okay. It hurt a bit when he left, but overall, it was okay. And that felt good. I am ready to let go. *Smiles* A bit sentimentally sad, but with friends like the ones I have, holding me up whe nI fall, I'm doing jsut fine.
Thanks guys.
I have decided that I hate winter because deodorant does not WORK!!! WTF MATE!?!?!? I -hate- sweating more than possibly anything, and... I can't seem to stop!!! AHHH!!!
I feel so bad for Kate... What with John going way in a couple weeks, for 3 months. Ouch. that hurts the team, hardcore. I'm not sure I could handle it, to tell you the truth. Mmm...
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
I feel like I haven't written in forever, though it's really only been what, a day?? Mmm.. I've been avoiding it, because I'm honestly not sure what's going to come out. I feel a curious detachment from my current circumstances, and I'm not sure whether when it goes away, I am going to be back in the midst of D-cubed or if I'll be okay. I'm going with okay, based on how I'm feeling right now.
Yesterday was amazing! LoL I woke up from my 12 hours of sleep and... jsut flew! It felt like happy me on speed! haha Wonderful! haha I started off by jumping out of bed and promptly tripping over a pair of shoes and falling into a wall. Kate came out of her room at 8:30 to see me practically fall out of my room, laughing hysterically about falling into a wall. I think she thought I'd gone insane. But I was laughing because I knew, with that first burst of laughter, that I was going to be okay. I was going to be just fine. *Grins* And that was the best feeling of all.
So then I went to work and charmed everyone within a 10 foot radius, did all my work, and James showed up! We went to DD and I swa Corey! It was like... Lucky day! hehe So i sat down and chatted with him and a few of his fraternity brothers, while james did his thing. I missed the boy...
then I went to meet up with the rents, had dinner at Tim Horton's with them while we chatted about this that and the other thing. they both agreed I looked much better than the last time we'd seen each other... Poor Dad, his arm is killing him from surgery... I can't imagine how he felt after the meeting deallie. I shudder at the thought.
"Be something you love and understand!!
Baby, be a simple kind of man!
Oh won't you do this for me, son,
When you can."
Shinedown- Simple man
They gave me my toothbrush... God, I'd missed my toothbrush. It's like a cherished possession. I don't think anyone knows how much they value their toothbrush until it goes missing.
Then I headed back home, and Kate, John, Emily, Tony, Katie and Alex all came back from the Muse, Josh showed up shortly after, and we all watched Super Troopers.
"Right Meow!"
They hung out for a bit, and I was really caught off guard. I'm not sure whether it's because the comments fell flat without anyone to laugh and continue on the conversation, or if they really were just... dumber than usual??, but Josh was really... God, this sounds horrible. I know it does. I'm not sure why I cared, honestly. They were just so... obvious! LoL Or just... crazy. I'm not sure!! LoL
After they left, he got quickly bored and left as well... I kind of wasn't really pushing him to stay, and I was a slightly amused that he got bored so quickl;y and left. That kid's life is jsut too fast-paced for me. hah
So, last even of the day- Me, Emily and Kate all decide to make mudpies at like... 11:30. So, we head to Stop and Shop, to not only get materials, but to flirt with any guys who might be there. haha
In doing so, we made one guy's night, who I woke up from his reclined position on the register with, "Excuse me, but do you think you could help us find gummy worms?" and got a gummy worm for free! He gave it to us! haha
LMAo.. I laugh at my mom's thought that I would be using my blender for anything alcoholic. The only thing I've made with it so far is smoothies and crushed oreos... haha Wonderfulness!!!
Yesterday was amazing! LoL I woke up from my 12 hours of sleep and... jsut flew! It felt like happy me on speed! haha Wonderful! haha I started off by jumping out of bed and promptly tripping over a pair of shoes and falling into a wall. Kate came out of her room at 8:30 to see me practically fall out of my room, laughing hysterically about falling into a wall. I think she thought I'd gone insane. But I was laughing because I knew, with that first burst of laughter, that I was going to be okay. I was going to be just fine. *Grins* And that was the best feeling of all.
So then I went to work and charmed everyone within a 10 foot radius, did all my work, and James showed up! We went to DD and I swa Corey! It was like... Lucky day! hehe So i sat down and chatted with him and a few of his fraternity brothers, while james did his thing. I missed the boy...
then I went to meet up with the rents, had dinner at Tim Horton's with them while we chatted about this that and the other thing. they both agreed I looked much better than the last time we'd seen each other... Poor Dad, his arm is killing him from surgery... I can't imagine how he felt after the meeting deallie. I shudder at the thought.
"Be something you love and understand!!
Baby, be a simple kind of man!
Oh won't you do this for me, son,
When you can."
Shinedown- Simple man
They gave me my toothbrush... God, I'd missed my toothbrush. It's like a cherished possession. I don't think anyone knows how much they value their toothbrush until it goes missing.
Then I headed back home, and Kate, John, Emily, Tony, Katie and Alex all came back from the Muse, Josh showed up shortly after, and we all watched Super Troopers.
"Right Meow!"
They hung out for a bit, and I was really caught off guard. I'm not sure whether it's because the comments fell flat without anyone to laugh and continue on the conversation, or if they really were just... dumber than usual??, but Josh was really... God, this sounds horrible. I know it does. I'm not sure why I cared, honestly. They were just so... obvious! LoL Or just... crazy. I'm not sure!! LoL
After they left, he got quickly bored and left as well... I kind of wasn't really pushing him to stay, and I was a slightly amused that he got bored so quickl;y and left. That kid's life is jsut too fast-paced for me. hah
So, last even of the day- Me, Emily and Kate all decide to make mudpies at like... 11:30. So, we head to Stop and Shop, to not only get materials, but to flirt with any guys who might be there. haha
In doing so, we made one guy's night, who I woke up from his reclined position on the register with, "Excuse me, but do you think you could help us find gummy worms?" and got a gummy worm for free! He gave it to us! haha
LMAo.. I laugh at my mom's thought that I would be using my blender for anything alcoholic. The only thing I've made with it so far is smoothies and crushed oreos... haha Wonderfulness!!!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Gentle hearts can kiss my winter-white ass. That's how much I'm loving that scene. Haha... You know what? I always felt kind of bad for The Ex. Now I realize what she meant. Lol Sick how that is, huh? And I realize that in putting up with what I will term your bad manners, I opened the door for you to stomp on in and wipe your muddy boots wherever the hell you wanted. Yeah...
All or nothing, bub.
And I -choose- nothing. You can save your caring heart for someone who needs a leech hanging to their side like so much baggage. *Smiles* God, that felt good.
By ignoring me, you did what untold "running" episodes and crying jags did not do enough of- hurt me. By not even acknowledging my existence or the fact that I was woried about you being angry with me, you finally broke my last straw.
All or nothing? You could have had it -all-, Matt. You could have had me. And by holding it over my head after -you- fucked up, I've decided that maybe that treat isn't worth the effort it would take to get it.
So fuck off.
And take your baggage with you.
G'night, y'all!
All or nothing, bub.
And I -choose- nothing. You can save your caring heart for someone who needs a leech hanging to their side like so much baggage. *Smiles* God, that felt good.
By ignoring me, you did what untold "running" episodes and crying jags did not do enough of- hurt me. By not even acknowledging my existence or the fact that I was woried about you being angry with me, you finally broke my last straw.
All or nothing? You could have had it -all-, Matt. You could have had me. And by holding it over my head after -you- fucked up, I've decided that maybe that treat isn't worth the effort it would take to get it.
So fuck off.
And take your baggage with you.
G'night, y'all!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
One thing I have learned over the years:
A gentle heart is ripped open every time a loved one leaves. But like bones broken or skin cut, it heals stronger so that with the next love it feels, it can beat harder and fiercer. You see, a heart is without memory of its pain; it feels only in the present its greater strength and courage, not knowing that it will be ripped open again, nor that it ever was before. Because of this, the heart does not hesitate to love... It forgets the risk and remembers only the gain. Maybe the mind should be the same?
A gentle heart is ripped open every time a loved one leaves. But like bones broken or skin cut, it heals stronger so that with the next love it feels, it can beat harder and fiercer. You see, a heart is without memory of its pain; it feels only in the present its greater strength and courage, not knowing that it will be ripped open again, nor that it ever was before. Because of this, the heart does not hesitate to love... It forgets the risk and remembers only the gain. Maybe the mind should be the same?
Sunday, January 15, 2006
I am doing quizzes. Whatever... haha
Abby, you're a Fun and Flirty party girl
That's one magnetic personality you've got there. And good thing you know how to use it. Friends, acquaintances, and even strangers are drawn to your friendly ways and fun times. Bottom line — you've got it, and you know how to flaunt it.
A little bit of a risk taker, you're not afraid to start conversations with strangers, especially if they're handsome. And you know how to keep a party going — from getting the dance floor going to proposing an adult game of spin-the-bottle. You're a pro at having a good time, party girl, and you're even better at making sure everyone else does too. What's more fun than that?
Abby, your personality is shaped by your Expressive nature.
Your expressiveness makes it easy for you to explore life's possibilities without feeling too hemmed in by obligations. You probably enjoy sudden bursts of spontaneity and tend to live in the moment. Extremely structured environments, situations, or people are likely to make you feel uncomfortable because you generally gravitate toward flexibility and openness.
Abby, Hiking the Trails makes your mouth water
Being in the great outdoors is just the kind of thing to get your blood pumping and your energy levels jumping. A down-to-earth person like you feels invigorated by communing with Mother Nature and rightly so.
What's better than breathing in fresh air, taking in spectacular views, and getting some good-for-you exercise in there, too? Not much! And part of the beauty of hiking is that you can make it whatever you want it to be — long, short, overnight, along the coast, in the mountains — the options are endless. So what are you waiting for? Lace up your boots and get going!
Abby, your Confidence makes you luminous
Being comfortable in your own skin isn't easy, but you're a natural. You prove that smart and sexy can come wrapped up in the same beautiful package.
Calm and collected, you've got your feet on the ground and a good head on your shoulders. And even in the craziest of times, people feel at ease around you. Whether you're heading up a board meeting or a bake sale, being a leader just comes easily to you. So go ahead and take charge. Everyone will be glad you did!
I love how they're all positive, and whatnot, never showing the bad sides of things... I jsut kind of find it intersting, Lol
Abby, you're a Fun and Flirty party girl
That's one magnetic personality you've got there. And good thing you know how to use it. Friends, acquaintances, and even strangers are drawn to your friendly ways and fun times. Bottom line — you've got it, and you know how to flaunt it.
A little bit of a risk taker, you're not afraid to start conversations with strangers, especially if they're handsome. And you know how to keep a party going — from getting the dance floor going to proposing an adult game of spin-the-bottle. You're a pro at having a good time, party girl, and you're even better at making sure everyone else does too. What's more fun than that?
Abby, your personality is shaped by your Expressive nature.
Your expressiveness makes it easy for you to explore life's possibilities without feeling too hemmed in by obligations. You probably enjoy sudden bursts of spontaneity and tend to live in the moment. Extremely structured environments, situations, or people are likely to make you feel uncomfortable because you generally gravitate toward flexibility and openness.
Abby, Hiking the Trails makes your mouth water
Being in the great outdoors is just the kind of thing to get your blood pumping and your energy levels jumping. A down-to-earth person like you feels invigorated by communing with Mother Nature and rightly so.
What's better than breathing in fresh air, taking in spectacular views, and getting some good-for-you exercise in there, too? Not much! And part of the beauty of hiking is that you can make it whatever you want it to be — long, short, overnight, along the coast, in the mountains — the options are endless. So what are you waiting for? Lace up your boots and get going!
Abby, your Confidence makes you luminous
Being comfortable in your own skin isn't easy, but you're a natural. You prove that smart and sexy can come wrapped up in the same beautiful package.
Calm and collected, you've got your feet on the ground and a good head on your shoulders. And even in the craziest of times, people feel at ease around you. Whether you're heading up a board meeting or a bake sale, being a leader just comes easily to you. So go ahead and take charge. Everyone will be glad you did!
I love how they're all positive, and whatnot, never showing the bad sides of things... I jsut kind of find it intersting, Lol
Oh me oh my! I found it! YAY!! My sunshine,that is. At least, for the moment. haha
Today was RIDICULOUS!!! I ahve no other way to explain it. It was... crazy. So last ngiht, we played board games and all this fun stuff at Linnae's, no problems getting there, except that we have to go through Ludlow, which we've decided we don't like. Mainyl for two reaons. Crazy roads where one side has three lanes and the other one, so when you pull into what you would think would be the left lane of one side, it's really the rightest lane of the other, and you nearly get hit head-on by oncomin SUVs... AHHH!!!! The other reason being tht people are psychotic, and get into fights, and try to pull little ole ME into fights (As I;m sitting in the car minding my own business) IN A GAS-STATION!!! AHHH!!!!!
Anyway... that's LudLow. Sucks, huh? Lol
So, anysway... we spent the night playing board games, then went to sleep, and it was okay. Laughed a lot, was really tired, fell asleep in seconds. Talked all night, I heard.haha
Woke u pthis morning to Ala calling me at 9:30, haha Low you girly! Then Mr. and Mrs. Linnae's mom and dad offering to make us some awesome breakfast- bacon, eggs, toast, bagels, fruit, etc. OMG... Sooo good! Then we went sledding for like an hour, after it took us an hour to find a place!, and it was great!!! haha I forgot how much fun I have sledding! It makes all the difference with the people you sled with! hehe Linnae and kate are two of the best! Me and kate spent a good 5 minutes at the bottom of the hill CRACKING UP for no good darned reason, except that we'd managed to flip our sleds around and we were connected to each other and it was pure CHAOS!!! haha Hilarious!
Then Me and Linnae and kate all formed a train, and it was even better! loL I was dying, laughing. Chris and laura were bitching though, so we all headed in. Dillon joined in too, but he was mostly busy taking care of laura. LoL
So then we headed back and had hot chocolate with whipped cream and grandma cookies! ooh!! And... then Me and kate and Chris went home... We followed him until Kate's windshiled wiper fluid wouldn't squirt and we had to drive like... 50 on the mass pike bcuase we couldn't see... LoL
It jsut gets better when we get lsot trying to find where we dropped off my car, for like 30 minutes, then we find it, and... My car door wouldn't open and then, wehn we finally got it open, it WUOLDN'T CLOSE!!! So then we ewre scraping of my windshiled and my windshield wiper BROKE! And... My windshield wiper fluid things wouldn't work either! So... We decide to go look for an auto store to get a new one, and got lost again!!!
OMG... It turned out okay in the end, though, because when we got back to my car- yes, with one door still open, it would finally close, and I jsut decided I wouldn't worry about my windshield wiper... Whatever, right? Lol
Now I'm home, tired, happy, and... readyfor sleep.
I may try to convince someone to be happy, too... But I'm not sure. I think it may be an effort in futility. I mean, after your team lsoes in the playoffs and I put you through hell, it's a bit ahrd to be happy, I would think. But we can try.
Today was RIDICULOUS!!! I ahve no other way to explain it. It was... crazy. So last ngiht, we played board games and all this fun stuff at Linnae's, no problems getting there, except that we have to go through Ludlow, which we've decided we don't like. Mainyl for two reaons. Crazy roads where one side has three lanes and the other one, so when you pull into what you would think would be the left lane of one side, it's really the rightest lane of the other, and you nearly get hit head-on by oncomin SUVs... AHHH!!!! The other reason being tht people are psychotic, and get into fights, and try to pull little ole ME into fights (As I;m sitting in the car minding my own business) IN A GAS-STATION!!! AHHH!!!!!
Anyway... that's LudLow. Sucks, huh? Lol
So, anysway... we spent the night playing board games, then went to sleep, and it was okay. Laughed a lot, was really tired, fell asleep in seconds. Talked all night, I heard.haha
Woke u pthis morning to Ala calling me at 9:30, haha Low you girly! Then Mr. and Mrs. Linnae's mom and dad offering to make us some awesome breakfast- bacon, eggs, toast, bagels, fruit, etc. OMG... Sooo good! Then we went sledding for like an hour, after it took us an hour to find a place!, and it was great!!! haha I forgot how much fun I have sledding! It makes all the difference with the people you sled with! hehe Linnae and kate are two of the best! Me and kate spent a good 5 minutes at the bottom of the hill CRACKING UP for no good darned reason, except that we'd managed to flip our sleds around and we were connected to each other and it was pure CHAOS!!! haha Hilarious!
Then Me and Linnae and kate all formed a train, and it was even better! loL I was dying, laughing. Chris and laura were bitching though, so we all headed in. Dillon joined in too, but he was mostly busy taking care of laura. LoL
So then we headed back and had hot chocolate with whipped cream and grandma cookies! ooh!! And... then Me and kate and Chris went home... We followed him until Kate's windshiled wiper fluid wouldn't squirt and we had to drive like... 50 on the mass pike bcuase we couldn't see... LoL
It jsut gets better when we get lsot trying to find where we dropped off my car, for like 30 minutes, then we find it, and... My car door wouldn't open and then, wehn we finally got it open, it WUOLDN'T CLOSE!!! So then we ewre scraping of my windshiled and my windshield wiper BROKE! And... My windshield wiper fluid things wouldn't work either! So... We decide to go look for an auto store to get a new one, and got lost again!!!
OMG... It turned out okay in the end, though, because when we got back to my car- yes, with one door still open, it would finally close, and I jsut decided I wouldn't worry about my windshield wiper... Whatever, right? Lol
Now I'm home, tired, happy, and... readyfor sleep.
I may try to convince someone to be happy, too... But I'm not sure. I think it may be an effort in futility. I mean, after your team lsoes in the playoffs and I put you through hell, it's a bit ahrd to be happy, I would think. But we can try.