I'm pretty sure Marchand is causing some damage. Reading back through the SB, it's scary. I dreamt of defeat, hopelessness, death... Mine. I think he got to me, something he said stuck about how... its all bullshit. Life is. Crap. I hate him for making me think this way, for making me even contemplate it. I hate that he gets in my head and loads it up with... black.

I don't understand a lot of things, most of the world and people I can't comprehend or even guess about their behavior. My mom asks me why I think I'm so much smarter than everyone and it's not that I think I'm so much smarter, it's that when I thought they were the same and treated them as such, they thought I was making fun of them, then! Either way, I'm an asshole. So... How do you want me to act, Madre?

One thing I absolutely don't get is why I hate reading or doing anything that might be educational. I enjoy documentaries and non-fiction. I even enjoy reading Plato and whatnot's ridiculousness, but will NOT do these things or search them out voluntarily unless guilted/told to do it by someone else. It's so stupid! I don't understand!!