Sooo... to all you who are not going to be happy with me, "CHILL!" in advance. I think I know what I'm doing... As best as I possibly can, right??
Talked to Matt last night, and we very... sleepily?? heh... agreed that somewhere along the line, he just... threw on the brakes and ran into a ditch. Killed a pine tree, all that jazz. We talked about a lot of the stuff that had already been brought up, though not in its entirety, and discussed them. He said a few lines that absolutely melted me... Yeah, I know, I'm like chocolate- apply heat and watch it fall apart!
But the fact of the matter is... I don't want to be a rug for someone to wipe their feet on. I do not want "Welcome" stamped across my forehead. Even though I do want the boy back, I refuse to be treated like dirt. I have other reasons, but that is probably the absolute main one.
But... I may have a solution. He said he wants time to sort himself out and figure out what he wants and thinks he can handle. I said I want time to learn a bit more from this so I don't blunder into a similar situation in the future. So, I propose a month-long break. We're friends. Go to the same parties, laugh, joke, hang out with mutual friends, etc. Figure out what's going on where, and... decide at the end.
Guys, I really need opinions. Give me a call, will ya? Geeeeeezzz... I sitll feel rather rug-like. Help me out here.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Abby, you're a player because you are Smart
It's clear that you're no clown. A street-smart brainiac like you has got a lot going on upstairs and doesn't mind flexing that ripped mental muscle when necessary. That's not to say that you're a complete geek — everybody knows you couldn't be further from it.
You're one cool character who knows what's what and is always one step ahead of the rest of those posers. Perceptive and grounded, not much goes over your head and you're not afraid to call it like you see it. So keep keepin' it real. It's a great trait that never goes out of style. For real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abby, your Sense of Humor makes you a real beauty
That's right, funny girl — you like nothing better than a hearty chuckle to feel better. Laugh lines? Who cares? A sweet and witty woman like you knows that staying young and looking your best is all about the good times you have along the way.
An optimist at heart, you're the friend people come to when they need cheering up. Sure, you take important things seriously, but you also know how to look on the bright side and lighten up difficult situations. And there's nothing funny about that. Keep it up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abby, your room tells us you're Retro
It's not that you necessarily want to be Austin Powers, but we're guessing you wouldn't mind raiding his groovy pad for a couple key items. For you, old-school-cool rules. As a result, you're probably on constant lookout for hipster accents to show off your retro style! While your friends may give you a hard time about your swingin' image, they're probably just jealous of that funky papasan chair or pop-art stained glass picture frame. It's not easy to be so tragically hip.
Though you may dream of floor to ceiling shag, you understand that not everyone could dig it. So, instead, maybe you should accessorize with conversation starters like a brightly striped lamp and a great deco-look paperweight that reflect your throwback tastes. After all, your unique flair may be one of the ways you connect with some of your current friends. And while your décor might be a blast from the past, you're excited about making new friends and know a great way is in a room that's got your "Yeah, baby," special touch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abby, your flavor is Extreme
Whoa, Nelly. Whether your style is more in line with brazen daredevils, hardcore athletes, or intrepid pioneers, you're certainly not one to run from an adventure. No sirree.
You've got a lot of energy and even more nerve — and this confidence makes you a powerhouse when it comes to well, most anything. With a real zest for living, you know that life's short and it's important to make the most of it while you can. Lucky for you, that's exactly what you do. Keep pushing yourself. You're sure to reach some seriously mind-blowing heights!
Okay... I got bored!! Some of them are retarded, while others hit the mark pretty well... Now I'm going to bed. Give me a call if you were planning on it. If not, then don't worry, I'll be up tomorrow.. Night night!
It's clear that you're no clown. A street-smart brainiac like you has got a lot going on upstairs and doesn't mind flexing that ripped mental muscle when necessary. That's not to say that you're a complete geek — everybody knows you couldn't be further from it.
You're one cool character who knows what's what and is always one step ahead of the rest of those posers. Perceptive and grounded, not much goes over your head and you're not afraid to call it like you see it. So keep keepin' it real. It's a great trait that never goes out of style. For real.
Abby, your Sense of Humor makes you a real beauty
That's right, funny girl — you like nothing better than a hearty chuckle to feel better. Laugh lines? Who cares? A sweet and witty woman like you knows that staying young and looking your best is all about the good times you have along the way.
An optimist at heart, you're the friend people come to when they need cheering up. Sure, you take important things seriously, but you also know how to look on the bright side and lighten up difficult situations. And there's nothing funny about that. Keep it up!
Abby, your room tells us you're Retro
It's not that you necessarily want to be Austin Powers, but we're guessing you wouldn't mind raiding his groovy pad for a couple key items. For you, old-school-cool rules. As a result, you're probably on constant lookout for hipster accents to show off your retro style! While your friends may give you a hard time about your swingin' image, they're probably just jealous of that funky papasan chair or pop-art stained glass picture frame. It's not easy to be so tragically hip.
Though you may dream of floor to ceiling shag, you understand that not everyone could dig it. So, instead, maybe you should accessorize with conversation starters like a brightly striped lamp and a great deco-look paperweight that reflect your throwback tastes. After all, your unique flair may be one of the ways you connect with some of your current friends. And while your décor might be a blast from the past, you're excited about making new friends and know a great way is in a room that's got your "Yeah, baby," special touch.
Abby, your flavor is Extreme
Whoa, Nelly. Whether your style is more in line with brazen daredevils, hardcore athletes, or intrepid pioneers, you're certainly not one to run from an adventure. No sirree.
You've got a lot of energy and even more nerve — and this confidence makes you a powerhouse when it comes to well, most anything. With a real zest for living, you know that life's short and it's important to make the most of it while you can. Lucky for you, that's exactly what you do. Keep pushing yourself. You're sure to reach some seriously mind-blowing heights!
Okay... I got bored!! Some of them are retarded, while others hit the mark pretty well... Now I'm going to bed. Give me a call if you were planning on it. If not, then don't worry, I'll be up tomorrow.. Night night!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Open my eyes. Hah.. Um... Prolly either push the small dog off my head or smack the snooze button. haha
What was the first pop concert you went to?
If you call it pop, I went to Slik Willy, Zox, Badfish, and Bad Larry in... 2003.
What was the worst thing that you did as a child?
I pushed my brother down the stairs... and off the porch.
What is your favourite song?
There are many: Citizen Cope- Let the Drummer kick; Coldplay- A Rush of Blood to the Head; Bright Eyes- Bowl of Oranges to name a few
What is your most treasured material possession?
My notebook, my stereo and my notebook. Those three things are... priceless.
What is the best advice that you've ever received?
"Don't be afraid to live life, no matter what."
What do you think of Bob Dylan?
Who??? haha Just kidding. Decent, some songs are better than others, but isn't that always the case?
When did you last cry, and why?
New Year's Day, because I was hurt real bad by someone I trusted
What characteristics do you think you've inherited from your parents?
Stubbornness, intelligence, a sort of loner mentality, sense of humor, love of the outdoors, good work ethic, love of animals, honesty, integrity- everything good that is in me, is from my parents.
Are you afraid of failure?
More than anything.
What are you like when you're drunk?
Silly, happy, very touchy or standoffish, snippy, quiet. 99% the former.
Which actor/actress would you have play yourself in a film?
Good question... Mmm... Someone who can act, and who isn't the picture-perfect gorgeous actress type. NOT Renee Zellweger- hate her with a passion.
Pick five words that describe yourself....
Cute, fun to be with.
Is there one piece of criticism that sticks in your mind?
"Since when have you become so fake?"
Do you believe in God?
I believe in brotherly love, not necessarily the organized religion schmear.
What is your most unpleasant characteristic?
I am easily intimidated.
What is your greatest fear?
Fear, itself.
What ambitions do you still have to fulfil?
Save Dan. Go cage-diving and see -big- sharks, join the military.
What do you never leave home without?
A bra.
Who is your best male friend and your best female friend?
Male- Tough... MP or Jeremy, for sure. I'm not sure I can pick... I depend on each one for different things. And there are more I count as "best" in different ways.
Female- Linds and Kate, hands down. SB and Ala are right up there, though.
Who would you most like to meet?
A monk- one who has found peace within themselves.
What music would you like to have played at your funeral?
Another One Bites the Dust by Queen.
When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?
I should have a book titled, "My Life As a Bad hair Day"
What is your favourite film, and why?
Dances with Wolves.
If you had a million pounds (£1,000,000), what would you do with it?
I would probably invest it in mutual funds, with the dividends put into trust funds for several charities and members of my family. I would keep enough for myself to live off of.
What first attracts you to a person of the opposite sex?
I'm shallow. They need to be, as Jeremy so aptly put it, "chiselled," with good facial features and some defining characteristic, whatever it may be- volume, brains, emo-ness, humor, or gorgeous blue eyes. haha
What was your favourite subject at school?
I -loved- Gym. Lol I really did. But... I guess... Math. It gave me the most satisfaction because I always had the msot trouble with it. I love to learn, enough said.
If you could spend the night with anyone in the world, who would you choose and why?
Good question. Can't answer because I haven't found someone worth it, yet.
What is the most embarassing thing you've ever done?
I do a lot of embarassing things. Probably making retard jokes at the Special Olympics. Yeah... that was pretty bad... And no, I wasn't trying to be mean!!
Do you have anything to declare?
Declare? Mmm.. No. Only that truly being yourself is the best feeling in the world, no matter what anyone else thinks of you.
Open my eyes. Hah.. Um... Prolly either push the small dog off my head or smack the snooze button. haha
What was the first pop concert you went to?
If you call it pop, I went to Slik Willy, Zox, Badfish, and Bad Larry in... 2003.
What was the worst thing that you did as a child?
I pushed my brother down the stairs... and off the porch.
What is your favourite song?
There are many: Citizen Cope- Let the Drummer kick; Coldplay- A Rush of Blood to the Head; Bright Eyes- Bowl of Oranges to name a few
What is your most treasured material possession?
My notebook, my stereo and my notebook. Those three things are... priceless.
What is the best advice that you've ever received?
"Don't be afraid to live life, no matter what."
What do you think of Bob Dylan?
Who??? haha Just kidding. Decent, some songs are better than others, but isn't that always the case?
When did you last cry, and why?
New Year's Day, because I was hurt real bad by someone I trusted
What characteristics do you think you've inherited from your parents?
Stubbornness, intelligence, a sort of loner mentality, sense of humor, love of the outdoors, good work ethic, love of animals, honesty, integrity- everything good that is in me, is from my parents.
Are you afraid of failure?
More than anything.
What are you like when you're drunk?
Silly, happy, very touchy or standoffish, snippy, quiet. 99% the former.
Which actor/actress would you have play yourself in a film?
Good question... Mmm... Someone who can act, and who isn't the picture-perfect gorgeous actress type. NOT Renee Zellweger- hate her with a passion.
Pick five words that describe yourself....
Cute, fun to be with.
Is there one piece of criticism that sticks in your mind?
"Since when have you become so fake?"
Do you believe in God?
I believe in brotherly love, not necessarily the organized religion schmear.
What is your most unpleasant characteristic?
I am easily intimidated.
What is your greatest fear?
Fear, itself.
What ambitions do you still have to fulfil?
Save Dan. Go cage-diving and see -big- sharks, join the military.
What do you never leave home without?
A bra.
Who is your best male friend and your best female friend?
Male- Tough... MP or Jeremy, for sure. I'm not sure I can pick... I depend on each one for different things. And there are more I count as "best" in different ways.
Female- Linds and Kate, hands down. SB and Ala are right up there, though.
Who would you most like to meet?
A monk- one who has found peace within themselves.
What music would you like to have played at your funeral?
Another One Bites the Dust by Queen.
When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?
I should have a book titled, "My Life As a Bad hair Day"
What is your favourite film, and why?
Dances with Wolves.
If you had a million pounds (£1,000,000), what would you do with it?
I would probably invest it in mutual funds, with the dividends put into trust funds for several charities and members of my family. I would keep enough for myself to live off of.
What first attracts you to a person of the opposite sex?
I'm shallow. They need to be, as Jeremy so aptly put it, "chiselled," with good facial features and some defining characteristic, whatever it may be- volume, brains, emo-ness, humor, or gorgeous blue eyes. haha
What was your favourite subject at school?
I -loved- Gym. Lol I really did. But... I guess... Math. It gave me the most satisfaction because I always had the msot trouble with it. I love to learn, enough said.
If you could spend the night with anyone in the world, who would you choose and why?
Good question. Can't answer because I haven't found someone worth it, yet.
What is the most embarassing thing you've ever done?
I do a lot of embarassing things. Probably making retard jokes at the Special Olympics. Yeah... that was pretty bad... And no, I wasn't trying to be mean!!
Do you have anything to declare?
Declare? Mmm.. No. Only that truly being yourself is the best feeling in the world, no matter what anyone else thinks of you.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Onward and upward, right?? Right.
I seem to have missed a huge piece of New Years tradition- the New Years Resolution. I am going to model it after something that a good advice-giver/great friend told me. You know who you are, so smile and take pride that I am actively listening and trying to follow your advice- It's only happened maybe twice in the past 19.6 years.
My New Year's Resolution is to... Make up my mind.
Now, I'm sure most of you, if you're reading this, have read the past 3 short, angry, and quite bitter posts, and can get a gist if not a total knowledge of what's happened. This resolution is about that, as well as anything else that I may be trying to do or end, and are afraid of doing so.
In long, when I make a decision, I am not going to be wishy-washy. I am not going to ponder about whether I did the right thing, I'm going to do what I usually do with things of lesser value; barrel right through because I know I've done my best and made the absolutely best decision I can make. I'm going to make up my mind.
Kate, you are not off the hook. You even think I'm going to cave, you best call John or someone else in the area to give me a swift kick in the ass.
I seem to have missed a huge piece of New Years tradition- the New Years Resolution. I am going to model it after something that a good advice-giver/great friend told me. You know who you are, so smile and take pride that I am actively listening and trying to follow your advice- It's only happened maybe twice in the past 19.6 years.
My New Year's Resolution is to... Make up my mind.
Now, I'm sure most of you, if you're reading this, have read the past 3 short, angry, and quite bitter posts, and can get a gist if not a total knowledge of what's happened. This resolution is about that, as well as anything else that I may be trying to do or end, and are afraid of doing so.
In long, when I make a decision, I am not going to be wishy-washy. I am not going to ponder about whether I did the right thing, I'm going to do what I usually do with things of lesser value; barrel right through because I know I've done my best and made the absolutely best decision I can make. I'm going to make up my mind.
Kate, you are not off the hook. You even think I'm going to cave, you best call John or someone else in the area to give me a swift kick in the ass.
You know, away messages spouting how much you hate yourself for sleeping with another girl IN MY HOUSE, how much you want to make it right, how you know you can't make it better, these are all well and good, but the long and short of it is... You fucked up. You hurt me to the point where I cannot forgive you, and you cannot make it right, because what you did was wrong. Absolutely, no questions about it, dead wrong. And no matter how many apologies, no matter how penitent, I simply cannot forget walking in to see you curled around some other girl.
Get lost, I've got better things to worry about.
Get lost, I've got better things to worry about.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
I figured out why good girls don't get nice guys.
Get this:
Ever noticed how when you're going out with someone, all of a sudden everyone wants you? It's because you have this confidence, borne of security or whatever. And when you're not going out with someone, you don't have the security.
Sooo... Therefore, whe nyou're not going out with someone and don't have the confidence, who do you go for?? Anyone who'll have you. Assholes, in other words. So... if you're in a relationship that's going downhill and you know it, and you find another boy while you still have the confidence, then you get a good boy.
But, since good girls do not do shitty things like that, they always end up with shitty boys, while shitty girls end up with good boys.
Now how fucked up is that?!
Get this:
Ever noticed how when you're going out with someone, all of a sudden everyone wants you? It's because you have this confidence, borne of security or whatever. And when you're not going out with someone, you don't have the security.
Sooo... Therefore, whe nyou're not going out with someone and don't have the confidence, who do you go for?? Anyone who'll have you. Assholes, in other words. So... if you're in a relationship that's going downhill and you know it, and you find another boy while you still have the confidence, then you get a good boy.
But, since good girls do not do shitty things like that, they always end up with shitty boys, while shitty girls end up with good boys.
Now how fucked up is that?!
I hope you enjoyed yourself, because you just lost the best thing you ever had.
I would yell, but you're like a dog, whipped and cowering in silence. You don't raise a hand to defend yourself, jsut stand there and take the blows like the emasculated cur you are.
I know you're a good guy- you really are! You jsut do -dumb- things. But, on further thought, do I want to be with someone this dumb?
How DARE you drive by me?! I don't know whether I'm more hurt, or more pissed. Hurt because you know... I thought you liked me, thought you respected me, thought a lot of things that very obviously aren't true. Pissed because... well, I let myself fall for another jackass, and because HOW DARE YOU!? You are a coward. You run away when you should stand, cower in defeat when you should defend. You disgust me.
How dare you make me cry?? How dare you make your FRIENDS ask me if I'm alright, while you run and hide?! What is -wrong- with you?!
I would yell scream and stomp, but honestly, it's not worth it. I get no satisfaction out of letting you read this in the solitude of your room, without anyone around to watch you crumble and wilt. By leaving, your forfeit your right to explain, though what there is to explain, I'm not sure. By leaving, you forfeit your right to a fair trial, a calmly angry Abby, anything, really. So I keep my fury, you keep your pathetic excuse for dignity, and we part on ground laden with rocks and pitfalls.
Don't come to my house.
Don't come near me.
Don't call.
I deserve better than you.
I would yell, but you're like a dog, whipped and cowering in silence. You don't raise a hand to defend yourself, jsut stand there and take the blows like the emasculated cur you are.
I know you're a good guy- you really are! You jsut do -dumb- things. But, on further thought, do I want to be with someone this dumb?
How DARE you drive by me?! I don't know whether I'm more hurt, or more pissed. Hurt because you know... I thought you liked me, thought you respected me, thought a lot of things that very obviously aren't true. Pissed because... well, I let myself fall for another jackass, and because HOW DARE YOU!? You are a coward. You run away when you should stand, cower in defeat when you should defend. You disgust me.
How dare you make me cry?? How dare you make your FRIENDS ask me if I'm alright, while you run and hide?! What is -wrong- with you?!
I would yell scream and stomp, but honestly, it's not worth it. I get no satisfaction out of letting you read this in the solitude of your room, without anyone around to watch you crumble and wilt. By leaving, your forfeit your right to explain, though what there is to explain, I'm not sure. By leaving, you forfeit your right to a fair trial, a calmly angry Abby, anything, really. So I keep my fury, you keep your pathetic excuse for dignity, and we part on ground laden with rocks and pitfalls.
Don't come to my house.
Don't come near me.
Don't call.