Oh! A quiz! Thank you Naomi!!
April
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to
regret.Attractive and affectionate to
oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention.
Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves
people's problems. Brave and fearless.
Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and
generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good
memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others.
Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy
in a way that only their luver can see.
What Does Your Birth Month Reveal About You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I took one where, depending on what my favorite animal was, and I had three on the list, I was either hiding anger, sadness or happiness. So... I decided to ex-nay that one due to indecisiveness. But that April one is right on. Don't laugh, I looked up Aries in my mom's horoscope book (Yes, my mom has a horoscope book- who'd a thought??), and though me and Kate ahve always joked that I am the stereotypical Aries, according to her "Signs in Love" book I gave her for Chirstmas one year, I was AMAZED to see the incredible similarities. And we're not talking like... personality stuff that you can always relate to yourself- I mean, these people predicted sickness of the head and chest, in detail, and I have always had asthma and breathing problems, etc, not to mention my head-caseishness! :)
I found it amaziong. they predicted hair color- Generally red or blonde (And I typically only vary between the two), tall, with straight features, high cheekbones and defined facial bone structure- not good for boxing, my dad says! haha Like... simply AMAZING likenesses, not jsut in temperment, which are... exact to a scary degree, but also in physical features?? How does that happen? I found it rather amusing, to tell you the truth.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
I'm falling in love with my little dog. Miss Panda is cute in the way that young children are- not babies, because as far as I'm concerned, babies have -no- redeeming values- cute and amusing, but annoying as all hell. LoL
This whole week, I've been bitching about my lack of sleep and travelling an hour to school, waking up early and eating nothing and having no time to hang out. But you know what? right now, with my emancipation less than 24 hours away, I'm realizing that I don't really want to go. In fact, the idea of having to have to socialize at this party at my house tomorrow, is... painful. The idea of having to face people and have fun is enough to make my stomach flip and muscles clench, before I remind myself that I -like- going out and having fun.
Don't get me wrong, I will have fun tomorrow wherever I end up. I don't know why I seem to be reverting back to anti-social. I guess this week of nothing has made me remember why I enjoyed solitude- the quiet. Nothing but lazy, stretched-out hours, mindless work, and tired sleep. What an existence. Perfect for thinking of films like Bakara- when you have nothing else in mind but the images and scenery of so many different cultures it's hard to remember what's so great about your own, or even to think outside of questions of... "Why?"
This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!
Fort Minor ~ Remember the Name
Away message 1/27/05:
"You suck, asshole.
I hope your next whore has crabs...*Sweet smile*... and syphilis."
It makes me laugh. Hysterically. Maybe because I could just imagine saying it- not meanly, more... sarcastically. Over-exaggerating the batted eyelids, the sickly-sweet voice. It makes me want to try it out on someone.
Matt makes me want to be smart- not book-smart, just... overall intelligent. He is just so different from many people that I meet in a day- I feel honored to even talk to him. I know I piss him off when I'm shallow, defensive. But I'm not sure he even remembers them the next time we talk. Or... five minutes later, for that matter. He makes me want to know myself better.
We get happy in backseat circles.
-Spoon ~ The Way we Get By
He listens to good music, too. Different shit, stuff I like when in this quiet mood where nothing can bother me. He's the one who turned me onto Radiohead. Every once in a while, Radiohead is called for, and... god, i love it.
I have heard again that I am a creature of extremes. there is no neutral ground- Love or hate, high or low. that's my world. You know... I'm jsut realizing the truth in the saying, "If you don't know what you're missing, it's not missing." I guess that's why I come off as such a spaz. I don't deal the same as others. I don't react the same as others, and so I don't really understand where a lot of people come from. I've trained myself to fit in mostly, but every once in a while, my extremes come racing to the fore and it takes everyone by surprise. Myself, included.
But, if I was offered a neutral ground in exchange for givng up the extremes, would I accept? Probably not. Evidently, all I need is some drugs to gain neutrality. *Smiles* But why? I kind of enjoy my extremes. They give me a perspective that others miss out on.
I really like thinking. I don't do it often... usually only when in this quiet, content, by-myself mood. Not many can understand me... God knows, I've alienated more than one person by just rambling on.
Maybe I'm neutral right now. Not happy, not sad, jsut... here. But I feel. It's not nothing. I feel everything. So maybe I am neutral... active. *Laughs* I love thinking.
This whole week, I've been bitching about my lack of sleep and travelling an hour to school, waking up early and eating nothing and having no time to hang out. But you know what? right now, with my emancipation less than 24 hours away, I'm realizing that I don't really want to go. In fact, the idea of having to have to socialize at this party at my house tomorrow, is... painful. The idea of having to face people and have fun is enough to make my stomach flip and muscles clench, before I remind myself that I -like- going out and having fun.
Don't get me wrong, I will have fun tomorrow wherever I end up. I don't know why I seem to be reverting back to anti-social. I guess this week of nothing has made me remember why I enjoyed solitude- the quiet. Nothing but lazy, stretched-out hours, mindless work, and tired sleep. What an existence. Perfect for thinking of films like Bakara- when you have nothing else in mind but the images and scenery of so many different cultures it's hard to remember what's so great about your own, or even to think outside of questions of... "Why?"
This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!
Fort Minor ~ Remember the Name
Away message 1/27/05:
"You suck, asshole.
I hope your next whore has crabs...*Sweet smile*... and syphilis."
It makes me laugh. Hysterically. Maybe because I could just imagine saying it- not meanly, more... sarcastically. Over-exaggerating the batted eyelids, the sickly-sweet voice. It makes me want to try it out on someone.
Matt makes me want to be smart- not book-smart, just... overall intelligent. He is just so different from many people that I meet in a day- I feel honored to even talk to him. I know I piss him off when I'm shallow, defensive. But I'm not sure he even remembers them the next time we talk. Or... five minutes later, for that matter. He makes me want to know myself better.
We get happy in backseat circles.
-Spoon ~ The Way we Get By
He listens to good music, too. Different shit, stuff I like when in this quiet mood where nothing can bother me. He's the one who turned me onto Radiohead. Every once in a while, Radiohead is called for, and... god, i love it.
I have heard again that I am a creature of extremes. there is no neutral ground- Love or hate, high or low. that's my world. You know... I'm jsut realizing the truth in the saying, "If you don't know what you're missing, it's not missing." I guess that's why I come off as such a spaz. I don't deal the same as others. I don't react the same as others, and so I don't really understand where a lot of people come from. I've trained myself to fit in mostly, but every once in a while, my extremes come racing to the fore and it takes everyone by surprise. Myself, included.
But, if I was offered a neutral ground in exchange for givng up the extremes, would I accept? Probably not. Evidently, all I need is some drugs to gain neutrality. *Smiles* But why? I kind of enjoy my extremes. They give me a perspective that others miss out on.
I really like thinking. I don't do it often... usually only when in this quiet, content, by-myself mood. Not many can understand me... God knows, I've alienated more than one person by just rambling on.
Maybe I'm neutral right now. Not happy, not sad, jsut... here. But I feel. It's not nothing. I feel everything. So maybe I am neutral... active. *Laughs* I love thinking.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I watched this movie in my Honors class today- "Bakara". It's a nonverbal film about all the things that happen in the world, in one day. I didn't realize that at first, because I never got the email until 5 minutes before it stated then didn't have a chance to read it, so I think the effect was a bit lessened. That is, until I read the letter after and thought back on all I'd seen.
Scenes of awesome beauty and power- rainforest, mountains, volcanoes with ash spewing and covering the sky, oceans, a sunset- as well as those worse than any horror writer could ever imagine. Seemingly endless columns of shacks on topof each other in piles that seem barely able to withstand their own weight. People living in one room hovels seventy feet above the ground! Scenes of people carrying their dead in gorgeous colored fabric and beading down to the river, laying them there for blessing? ritual purfication? before carrying them to special sites for burning. Funeral pyres on the sides of the street, the ash and soot of burnt bodies rising above crowds of poverty-stricken to settle in their hair and lay on their skin!
The curious sensation of outrage as I watched baby chicks get carelessly thrown and tumbled, while scenes of human misery roll by without complaint, amazed me. Are we so used to seeing humans hurt that we care less for them than chickens? Do we regard animals as superior to ourselves? Or do we distance ourselves from the suffering because we feel that they should help themselves while animals are helpless? I wondered these things as the scenes rolled on.
Watching as tribal and religious leaders brought their people howling to their feet or masses precisely synchronized in chant, was incredible! It made me want to go to these places and take part, or figure out what made them so happy about doing it! The stomping and jumping of a central figure in a ring- what was it for? Why?
I loved when they seemed to compare humans to insects, marching along in columns, back and forth to where they need to go. It's true, so why do we feel superior to them?
The theme of facades and reality intrigued me. Poverty-stricken youth skipping through the streets singing along with their friends and relatives, while elegantly-dressed business men glare imperiously, even angrily!, at the camera while waiting for the subway. How does this work? From all that I saw, those who had nothing were happy whereas those who had plenty, loved nothing! Maybe you have to enjoy the essentials before you can enjoy the extras. Maybe if you don't know anything better, you're happy with what you have- the grass can't be greener if you can't see over the fence?
The man who appeared so disturbed after scenes of destruction and needless violence, screaming with his hands up around his face, affected me deeply. You could feel how disturbed he was, screaming and hiding from a world gone mad. The scene in which a whole village was deserted and fields left to rot, gave me the chills- what happened to those people?
I think the producers were trying to help us, the viewers, gain some perspective. The movie shows fear and insanity caused by a war or disease, while just around the corner (you know, 12000 miles away), the sun is rising over snow-capped mountains and each is wreathed in a breath of cloud. It speaks of facades and the differing realities beneath. It shows that so much happens in the world in a single day, that one person, though jsut as in the religious or ritualistic chanting, was important, they were only part of a much larger whole. The imagery was powerful, the contrasting scenes of beauty and death gradually changing into scenes with deeper meaning- how we can treat our own species with such disregard, how we use the world around us for any purpose we see fit, and how many of us have forgotten the small things- is it really that important to be powerful? Would you rather be happy and hungry or rich and uncaring? I guess that brings up the question of if you've never had it, how do you want it?
So how do I work this into an essay? God, I wish I knew. Raw emotion went along with this film- how to refine it and process it into sentences and paragraph formation that will get an A? What's the point? Where's my perspective now?
Scenes of awesome beauty and power- rainforest, mountains, volcanoes with ash spewing and covering the sky, oceans, a sunset- as well as those worse than any horror writer could ever imagine. Seemingly endless columns of shacks on topof each other in piles that seem barely able to withstand their own weight. People living in one room hovels seventy feet above the ground! Scenes of people carrying their dead in gorgeous colored fabric and beading down to the river, laying them there for blessing? ritual purfication? before carrying them to special sites for burning. Funeral pyres on the sides of the street, the ash and soot of burnt bodies rising above crowds of poverty-stricken to settle in their hair and lay on their skin!
The curious sensation of outrage as I watched baby chicks get carelessly thrown and tumbled, while scenes of human misery roll by without complaint, amazed me. Are we so used to seeing humans hurt that we care less for them than chickens? Do we regard animals as superior to ourselves? Or do we distance ourselves from the suffering because we feel that they should help themselves while animals are helpless? I wondered these things as the scenes rolled on.
Watching as tribal and religious leaders brought their people howling to their feet or masses precisely synchronized in chant, was incredible! It made me want to go to these places and take part, or figure out what made them so happy about doing it! The stomping and jumping of a central figure in a ring- what was it for? Why?
I loved when they seemed to compare humans to insects, marching along in columns, back and forth to where they need to go. It's true, so why do we feel superior to them?
The theme of facades and reality intrigued me. Poverty-stricken youth skipping through the streets singing along with their friends and relatives, while elegantly-dressed business men glare imperiously, even angrily!, at the camera while waiting for the subway. How does this work? From all that I saw, those who had nothing were happy whereas those who had plenty, loved nothing! Maybe you have to enjoy the essentials before you can enjoy the extras. Maybe if you don't know anything better, you're happy with what you have- the grass can't be greener if you can't see over the fence?
The man who appeared so disturbed after scenes of destruction and needless violence, screaming with his hands up around his face, affected me deeply. You could feel how disturbed he was, screaming and hiding from a world gone mad. The scene in which a whole village was deserted and fields left to rot, gave me the chills- what happened to those people?
I think the producers were trying to help us, the viewers, gain some perspective. The movie shows fear and insanity caused by a war or disease, while just around the corner (you know, 12000 miles away), the sun is rising over snow-capped mountains and each is wreathed in a breath of cloud. It speaks of facades and the differing realities beneath. It shows that so much happens in the world in a single day, that one person, though jsut as in the religious or ritualistic chanting, was important, they were only part of a much larger whole. The imagery was powerful, the contrasting scenes of beauty and death gradually changing into scenes with deeper meaning- how we can treat our own species with such disregard, how we use the world around us for any purpose we see fit, and how many of us have forgotten the small things- is it really that important to be powerful? Would you rather be happy and hungry or rich and uncaring? I guess that brings up the question of if you've never had it, how do you want it?
So how do I work this into an essay? God, I wish I knew. Raw emotion went along with this film- how to refine it and process it into sentences and paragraph formation that will get an A? What's the point? Where's my perspective now?
Hmm... I haver performance anxiety. No, I'm not talking sex. LoL I am talking about this damned party my house is supposed to be throwing... Argh. I can't believe I broght it up on a weekend that I'm not there the whole week before. Not only that, but I just... I just want to sit around with people I know and like, drink until I can't see straight, then go to sleep.
We're going to leave some things out of that night of glory, due to a PG-13 rating, but whatever... LoL
there are just some things going down that I'm not comfortable with, and I don't know how to deal with them, except to remove myself from the situation. I can have fun at other places than parties, so I think I'm going to hang there for a bit, then head over to laura's with my bottle of Bacardi and a thing of cranberry juice, and... have fun with her and Laura M and her sister! haha Girl's Night In! loL Or maybe, jsut maybe, I won't drink at all, and have a rolicking old time jsut chilling and teling stories and being goofy as we girls often are.
Speaking of goofy... haha OMG. Linds, sarah and I were have a grand time prank-calling people. Dude... I have never done that in my life, and so watching Linds talk to Josh and John was hysterical. I nearly killed her when she started getting scary, but omg... she's sooo funny.
gotta go... I've got the cutest love in the world fixing me with her big brown-black eyes, slowly creeping into my lap... hah Miss Panda, you are so darned cute.
We're going to leave some things out of that night of glory, due to a PG-13 rating, but whatever... LoL
there are just some things going down that I'm not comfortable with, and I don't know how to deal with them, except to remove myself from the situation. I can have fun at other places than parties, so I think I'm going to hang there for a bit, then head over to laura's with my bottle of Bacardi and a thing of cranberry juice, and... have fun with her and Laura M and her sister! haha Girl's Night In! loL Or maybe, jsut maybe, I won't drink at all, and have a rolicking old time jsut chilling and teling stories and being goofy as we girls often are.
Speaking of goofy... haha OMG. Linds, sarah and I were have a grand time prank-calling people. Dude... I have never done that in my life, and so watching Linds talk to Josh and John was hysterical. I nearly killed her when she started getting scary, but omg... she's sooo funny.
gotta go... I've got the cutest love in the world fixing me with her big brown-black eyes, slowly creeping into my lap... hah Miss Panda, you are so darned cute.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I don't ahve time for this. I hve no time to do homeowrk nevermeing write in this thing. But if I don't put this down someplae, I"m afraid I might just burst. I need sleep. I need to do my homework, but I can't without sleep. And I can't sleep because I'm busy having ngihtmare sabout homeowrk or the dogs are jumping on me or... God, I need to stop crying... I'm jsut gfetting a fucking headache. And I have to do my homework, and OMG!!! It's hte 2nd day of classes..
What am I goingt o DO?!
Oh jesus... I am so tired. I can't concentrate on anything, and trying to read this cell bio or do this biochem, because I know if I get behind this semester, I am done for, is practically impossible. I'm reading it and stuff, but I can't... understand it.
I'm miserable. And useless. Without sleep, I am useless. And I am without sleep, over-stressed, and not eating due to the above, afore-mentioned things. And the only thing I can think about besides dogs, homework, woodstove, and time-management, is impossible. What the HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?
What am I goingt o DO?!
Oh jesus... I am so tired. I can't concentrate on anything, and trying to read this cell bio or do this biochem, because I know if I get behind this semester, I am done for, is practically impossible. I'm reading it and stuff, but I can't... understand it.
I'm miserable. And useless. Without sleep, I am useless. And I am without sleep, over-stressed, and not eating due to the above, afore-mentioned things. And the only thing I can think about besides dogs, homework, woodstove, and time-management, is impossible. What the HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?
Monday, January 23, 2006
I'm so tired. I jsut shovelled my driveway... 4 inches of wet, heavy, dismal snow, with three dogs wrapped aruond my legs and shoes that jsut weren't tractioning well. Oy. Oy vey.
I am excited by the prospect of, of all things!, my new umbrella. It is incredibly huge- Golf size??- which I did not realize in the store but am kinda psyched to try out. The frieking thing is 6 feet across!!! it's intense!! Like the movie someone sent me of their car revving... *Cracks up laughing* that was hilarious. But, I will admit, somewhat impressive. LoL
I have developments in the Matt saga (Or what is quickly becoming an epic tale); we're friends. Nothing more, probably less. And if you knew me, you'd know why. LoL I was so upset one day and I realized that all I wanted was to curl up and cry and tell him all about it because I know he's a good listener, and I couldn't because we weren't speaking. Because of me. I brushed it aside and went on iwth my day, forgetting about it until Kate and kat went over there to see John, planning to ditch me at a party until I found someone else to go with. I was so upset. I could barely speak to either of them without wanting to hit them. And so I sat down with my ruined breakfast (ruined due to me controlling myself because they were both in the kitchen with me), and figured out waht was cuasing me to be so upset. And it was simply the fact that I couldn't even go over there and hang out. Nothing. Because of me.
So, I thought about it some more, and over the past couple days, I've pretty much been okay with the idea of not seeing him physically any more, but I really did miss him just being there, hanging with him, etc. I made my decision, called him up (repeatedly, ahha), and told him my plan. He agreed, and hopefully we'll be... okay. Cool is the word I want, but I know that prolly won't happen soon, so... I'm hopijng okay will work for now.
Okay... Nuff about matt. though beyond him, school is... 4 words. I'm going to die. I got nothing more than that. With jsut the first 3 classes of the 6 I'm taking, I feel it is safe to assume this fact. I'm dead. Gone. Crushed by the weight of 6 straight up, hard-science classes. Ow. OW-MAJOR.
I am excited by the prospect of, of all things!, my new umbrella. It is incredibly huge- Golf size??- which I did not realize in the store but am kinda psyched to try out. The frieking thing is 6 feet across!!! it's intense!! Like the movie someone sent me of their car revving... *Cracks up laughing* that was hilarious. But, I will admit, somewhat impressive. LoL
I have developments in the Matt saga (Or what is quickly becoming an epic tale); we're friends. Nothing more, probably less. And if you knew me, you'd know why. LoL I was so upset one day and I realized that all I wanted was to curl up and cry and tell him all about it because I know he's a good listener, and I couldn't because we weren't speaking. Because of me. I brushed it aside and went on iwth my day, forgetting about it until Kate and kat went over there to see John, planning to ditch me at a party until I found someone else to go with. I was so upset. I could barely speak to either of them without wanting to hit them. And so I sat down with my ruined breakfast (ruined due to me controlling myself because they were both in the kitchen with me), and figured out waht was cuasing me to be so upset. And it was simply the fact that I couldn't even go over there and hang out. Nothing. Because of me.
So, I thought about it some more, and over the past couple days, I've pretty much been okay with the idea of not seeing him physically any more, but I really did miss him just being there, hanging with him, etc. I made my decision, called him up (repeatedly, ahha), and told him my plan. He agreed, and hopefully we'll be... okay. Cool is the word I want, but I know that prolly won't happen soon, so... I'm hopijng okay will work for now.
Okay... Nuff about matt. though beyond him, school is... 4 words. I'm going to die. I got nothing more than that. With jsut the first 3 classes of the 6 I'm taking, I feel it is safe to assume this fact. I'm dead. Gone. Crushed by the weight of 6 straight up, hard-science classes. Ow. OW-MAJOR.