Phew... Safe. I got a goal yesterday playing Soccer Rugby!! Woot! I am kick-ass, heheh Granted, today, after practice and what not, I'm sore as all hell, I think I pulled an oblique running in the snow... I slipped a few times and might've strained it. Whatever! Lol And I fell once... My butt hurts, heh. So.... yeah. Track is good. I'm having fun and wow... You know how you look in hte mirror while you're getting dressed, well... Even with all the yucky shit-for-food I eat afterwards, I am getting pretty skinny. Woot! Maybe I can wear a bathing suit this year and not want to kill myself! hehe!
I need to go outside. It's such a gorgeous day out... Unfortunately, all the people who I know who like to play outside, are either at college or don't like me. *pout* Nuts. So, I'm by myself. Whatever, I need to get out of the house, I think I'll call carly and see if maybe she wants to do soemthing. I haven't hung out with her in so long, I hope she's not busy... LoL And if she is, well, I'll get all my shyt done and go paly at the horse barn, maybe clean some stalls, jsut for the hell of it, becuase I'm bored and need something to do. Who knows? I think maybe this summer I'll offer out my work to a farm, cleaning stalls for money. That way, I can afford most of my lessons jsut by working a few hours each week. *nods* And I'll stay fit, so... Im so excited. I love summer, I love Spring, and it's wamr out,and I can be outside, and What the hell AM I DOIGN INSIDE!?!?!? AHHH!!! YEAH!!! I love SPRING! Woot!! *explodes with the sheer excitement of it all* I know... I'll take Spritey for a ride someplace and see where we end up. YAY!!!!
Heh... And I do make a good Nazi. Hah... LoL
Friday, February 20, 2004
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
"Is it enough to die, somebody save my life... I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please."
"Everyday I fight a war against the mirror, I can't stand the person starign back at me."
"A bow shot from her bower eves, he rode between the barley sheaves,
the sun came dazzling through the leaves, and flamed upon the brassen waves of bold Sir Lancelot."
"So close i meant to taste it, almost I can embrace it, this feeling on the tip of my tongue."
Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
"Everyday I fight a war against the mirror, I can't stand the person starign back at me."
"A bow shot from her bower eves, he rode between the barley sheaves,
the sun came dazzling through the leaves, and flamed upon the brassen waves of bold Sir Lancelot."
"So close i meant to taste it, almost I can embrace it, this feeling on the tip of my tongue."
| Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
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Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Hah. I'm dumb. *grin* Last night? I was tired and waiting for my bro to show up. Nothing i wrote made sense, and this morning, I'm amazed I even got sentences going for me. I'm off to go drop off Gawani Pony Boy for Sue, because I think that it'd help her a lot with her fear issues. Or, at least allow her to realize why she can't be fearful. Perhaps? LoL
Whatever this day brings, AHHH!!!! PHONE!!!!
Whatever this day brings, AHHH!!!! PHONE!!!!
Monday, February 16, 2004
Sometimes, I wonder if I really could be intelligent, sound intelligent, or if its jsut too much work for me to even try achieving. I jsut read through Juice's live journal thingy, and he really surprised me with how intelligent he sounded. I know that sounds like a real asshole thing to say. Even though I've always known he's really smart, I never really gave him enough credit, I suppose. I will mention one more thing- it suprised me how fatalistic he was, how hopeless his visions were (maybe thats the price of being so smart... You know too much to be optimistic. I've realized the truth in "Ignorance is Bliss.")- but what a horrible prison to live in... Bars of despair.
Anyway... I read through his journal, posted a comment, and thought I was going to cry, because though in essence I agree with him, the fact that it was so... tenebrific (ADJECTIVE: Dark and depressing - I'm learning new words!), made me shy back and disagree. I'm not sure why I wanted to cry, I think it was jsut the shock of reading what he thought. And it alarmed me, that in his mind, the human race's fate was so bleak. There was nothing to look forward to. And I can't accept that. I need something to look forward to. But I often think the exact same things as him; about how money is freedom, but in order to make enough money, you need to spend 40-60 hours a week in an office, and so, where is the freedom? It's a catch 22. Maybe he's right and there really is nothing to look forward to.
But, I think I'll prefer to keep deluding myself, and keep dreaming of ways to achieve what I want, success and time, so that I can get through the hardships we all know will be ahead. That are plagueing me now. And perhaps, simply by working towards what I want, I will get through, and I will get what I need, and Juice's fatalism will be unfounded.
Anyway... I read through his journal, posted a comment, and thought I was going to cry, because though in essence I agree with him, the fact that it was so... tenebrific (ADJECTIVE: Dark and depressing - I'm learning new words!), made me shy back and disagree. I'm not sure why I wanted to cry, I think it was jsut the shock of reading what he thought. And it alarmed me, that in his mind, the human race's fate was so bleak. There was nothing to look forward to. And I can't accept that. I need something to look forward to. But I often think the exact same things as him; about how money is freedom, but in order to make enough money, you need to spend 40-60 hours a week in an office, and so, where is the freedom? It's a catch 22. Maybe he's right and there really is nothing to look forward to.
But, I think I'll prefer to keep deluding myself, and keep dreaming of ways to achieve what I want, success and time, so that I can get through the hardships we all know will be ahead. That are plagueing me now. And perhaps, simply by working towards what I want, I will get through, and I will get what I need, and Juice's fatalism will be unfounded.
*Big Yawn* Yeah... Went with Kerri and Mitch and Ala out to Panera today... Whoop de frieking doo. LoL Naaa... It was actually a lot of fun. Ala is always a blast and when you stick her with Kerri, I sorta figured there'd be fireworks. LoL Ryan Mitchel... Who? Oh Mitch!? Why didn't you say so? Bring him along too! heh I gotta call up some of my ole pals and hang out. I feel as if Senior Year is flying by and when it ends, I'm going to look around and ask, "now why didn't I do this...?" Etc. LoL Same ole same ole.
Hah... I really did a job on my knee in the, "Ooooh... Pretty colors!!!" department... I have a little orange, red if you please, but more orange to me, green- gangrene anyone? LoL J/K!, cornflower blue with a hint of cerulean mixed in, "exquisite coloring, Ralph, don't you think?" Belongs more upon the canvas of a Monet painting than upon the dreary knee of a teenager who will be sure to jsut cover it up with jeans... But truly folks, This particular array of colors is pleasing to any eye. The shades, the textures!! *snorts* I can't keep it up... I'm cracking up, heheheh!! Damn games played on ce-ment. "Oh, pa! Look at the ce-ment pond!" (Beverly HillBillies, anyone?)
Oh right... I f anyone is in the mood for prom dress shopping... In february? I know, It's pathetic!!!... Give me a ring, my mom's bugging me. "But Mom... I don't even have a date yet!!!" Stupid dances. Who needs them, anyway? (I'm lying... I like dances, well, hte formal, get dressed up and have a reason to not look so dreary all the time, ones. Sweatpants, jeans and hoodies can get a little boring, sometimes.)
I'm thinking red. Maybe... Maybe white. *arches a brow* Like, cream colored... Let's see how much of a tan I have. If any. LoL PS. If you want to volunteer to be my date, you can also call me up. *smile* Yes? Please? LoL
Hah... I really did a job on my knee in the, "Ooooh... Pretty colors!!!" department... I have a little orange, red if you please, but more orange to me, green- gangrene anyone? LoL J/K!, cornflower blue with a hint of cerulean mixed in, "exquisite coloring, Ralph, don't you think?" Belongs more upon the canvas of a Monet painting than upon the dreary knee of a teenager who will be sure to jsut cover it up with jeans... But truly folks, This particular array of colors is pleasing to any eye. The shades, the textures!! *snorts* I can't keep it up... I'm cracking up, heheheh!! Damn games played on ce-ment. "Oh, pa! Look at the ce-ment pond!" (Beverly HillBillies, anyone?)
Oh right... I f anyone is in the mood for prom dress shopping... In february? I know, It's pathetic!!!... Give me a ring, my mom's bugging me. "But Mom... I don't even have a date yet!!!" Stupid dances. Who needs them, anyway? (I'm lying... I like dances, well, hte formal, get dressed up and have a reason to not look so dreary all the time, ones. Sweatpants, jeans and hoodies can get a little boring, sometimes.)
I'm thinking red. Maybe... Maybe white. *arches a brow* Like, cream colored... Let's see how much of a tan I have. If any. LoL PS. If you want to volunteer to be my date, you can also call me up. *smile* Yes? Please? LoL
Yowsah... Valentine's Day kinda sucked... Not, not kinda, really sucked. Lol Oh well, guess you can't win them all, right? LoL Today, I had track practice from 8:30 to 10... Now, when I heard that we were running for 20 minutes straight at the end of practice, I was ready to cry. Me? Run 20 minutes? What? So... I set off at like, the slowest pace possible, and eventually, I got into this pace that felt right... I could breathe, I could speak, and I could run all at once- imagine that... breathing and running at the same time, what a discovery!! So, I ran for the whole 20 minutes and a bit more, and it was awesom. I'm ready to go out and do more... Unfortunately, it's time to clean my room. Yuck.
When I got back, my workout pants were covred in blood at my knee, and I was like... What the hell? when I looked down after Ala asked when I'd fallen. Somehow, I must've cut up my knee... Didn't even feel it until she said something... GUess I'm kinda luicky, huh? Lol
Rode Cricket yesterday, trying him with my saddle... Now, I'm not so sure why my saddle always makes horses work better, but it does. This horse jsut flew right along, did everything perfectly, and was a great boy. And I got that first inkling of him trying. Like, some horses jsut trust everyone and try for everyone, but they never actually -try- for anyone. They would never go to their limits and then go more for anyone, because they'eve never felt that they should, or had to. Usually, when people ask me why I ride the crazuies, I tell them because they try harder than anything else, becaues... Usually, humans made them crazy, by being assholes. So, when a rider comes along who doesn't kick them around, beat them up, and gives them a fair chance to understand not only what they're trying to teach tehm, but also to actually do it, the horses generally try harder than anyhting. I swear it's gratitude or somehting along those lines, some people call it a "bond", but whatever the name, that's why I like workng with the crazies... Made, or already wonderfully handled, never been abused, horses, jsut aren't for me, because they've never had a taste of what desperation is, so they have no idea that it could get bad... And so they never actually have to try for anything, they jsut automatically do the exact same amount for anyone... Well, yesterday, my made horse tried. Not hard, not much, but he tried. And I was very proud of him. Good boy Cricket.
Dan, I miss you to death.
Shower time.
When I got back, my workout pants were covred in blood at my knee, and I was like... What the hell? when I looked down after Ala asked when I'd fallen. Somehow, I must've cut up my knee... Didn't even feel it until she said something... GUess I'm kinda luicky, huh? Lol
Rode Cricket yesterday, trying him with my saddle... Now, I'm not so sure why my saddle always makes horses work better, but it does. This horse jsut flew right along, did everything perfectly, and was a great boy. And I got that first inkling of him trying. Like, some horses jsut trust everyone and try for everyone, but they never actually -try- for anyone. They would never go to their limits and then go more for anyone, because they'eve never felt that they should, or had to. Usually, when people ask me why I ride the crazuies, I tell them because they try harder than anything else, becaues... Usually, humans made them crazy, by being assholes. So, when a rider comes along who doesn't kick them around, beat them up, and gives them a fair chance to understand not only what they're trying to teach tehm, but also to actually do it, the horses generally try harder than anyhting. I swear it's gratitude or somehting along those lines, some people call it a "bond", but whatever the name, that's why I like workng with the crazies... Made, or already wonderfully handled, never been abused, horses, jsut aren't for me, because they've never had a taste of what desperation is, so they have no idea that it could get bad... And so they never actually have to try for anything, they jsut automatically do the exact same amount for anyone... Well, yesterday, my made horse tried. Not hard, not much, but he tried. And I was very proud of him. Good boy Cricket.
Dan, I miss you to death.
Shower time.