Lee, you are insane, I've come to this conclusion. LoL But only in the best possible way. heheh

My birthday was good. I mean, I got a 90 on my Orgo exam, what could make it better, right? UnFORTUNATELY, I absolutely have to study this weekend, like... Hardcore. LoL

I missed Beer-B-Que but honestly... I'm not sure I'm sad. Seriously, I have had enough of boys and people I am not sure I like, to last me a while. I've still got the sick aftertaste whenever anyone mentions the party. Not a good scene, don't wanna talk about it, got the picture?

My Easter Lily is blooming, I'm still tripping over my spider plant because certain people refuse to let me borrow their drill or come drill, get this, 1 hole in my ceiling. A single, stupid, damned hole, through plaster and possibly sheetrock. Seriously now... I don't get it, will someone explain to me the difficulty of this task? Whatever!!

Campfire, in the Bvillain hometown, 9ish tomorrow night. No booze. Smores, only, and lots of laughs. hehe See ya there!

I got my car back today... I absolutely love the pasta, it's wonderful. But I'm just not sure that it's worth the feeling of being able to see over everyone's head in traffic, or the kick-ass sound system even when I play my Zen. Just not sure about that.

My mom bought me this gorgeous easter lily, which, though I love it, unfortunately takes up a LOT of room in my room. And now I have no room for anything else, because my spider plant is using it. So... I moved my little plant holder bookcase but now my spider is in hte middle of the floor because it doesn't fit in it's spot, because the bookcase is there.

And now, because I somehow ended up in some kind of "Fuck off!" fight with Josh, I feel like asking someone to borrow a drill for literally, a 30-second job, is utterly too much to ask. *Blink*

On the upside, Andrew gave me my first birthday gift today! It's a t-shirt from one of his friend's bands, that I really really liked. So I'm all excited! Thank you darling!! You are the absolute best! When is your birthday, because I will definitely be like... WHOA! on it! heheh

hehe This week is going to be good. Damned good, I hope. I have Coffee and Gossip tomorrow, then Catch. And my BIRTHDAY!!! (I even have the birthday crown... *le gasp!*)To say the absolute LEAST! YAYA!!

Then on Thursday, I'm playing in my first intramural league softball game (OMG.. .I'm going to suck like whoa!) and I think me and Carly and Beth are going dancing that night! Sweeeeeeet! Then Friday I head home to kick back, relax, watch the Scream Family scream and... make a campfire and play video games with my best bro, best friend, and favorite brat. hehe It's gonna be great.

I'm tired. This is making me less happy than usual. I hate being tired. Lol I think tomorrow might be skirt weather... How exciting!! hehe Except for the fact that I'm playing catch... That calls for jeans.
Hmm...

I'm really proud of Botswana and their AIDS program. The fact that the government stepped in and mandated AIDS testing to reduce the stigma and make sure the individuals got treatment is astounding, not to mention incredibly awesome. It's really hard to think of the potential implications of a country that literally gets thrown off the map because a disease wipes out 40+% of their population. It is mind-boggling to think of the people out there who spend their lives battling and combating these diseases just because they want to help people. Not for money, fame, or power, but just because they empahtize with, and care about, the affected people. Amazing. I think that every one of them should get some kind of honorary Mother Theresa award, because they are the minority and maybe the greatest example of human selflessness out there at the moment- though I'm sure that there could be greater, I am simply ignorant of their existence. I just... wanted to get that out there.

Wouldn't it be incredible to go someplace that desperately needs you, put your life on the line, and save lives? I guess that's the textbook definition of a soldier, really... though they have to take lives, they are taking them to save others. I wish we could skip step one and go straight to two.

Medicine and war. So different and yet... so much alike. Yin and Yang?

Ever thought of how interesting it would be if someone followed you around for a day, without you knowing it, just with one huge videotape of a day in your life? I think it would be... interesting. Maybe not every second, maybe not watching you fall asleep in Physics, or watch TV or read your book, but during the moments of the day that -made- your day, to watch the expression on yours and the other person's face, hear what made you both laugh or smile or cry, and just... be able to look back and think, "Damn, that was me. That was us. And I used to love/hate/hide this or that." Wouldn't that be fascinating? Look back a few years later and just watch yourself and all the interactions you had in a day? I guess this is Truman Show to the extreme I'm talking about. But how just... utterly normally interesting.

It is not that I am scared to learn,
Why I'm empty inside.
hold my hand or show some concern,
If I live or die.
My eyes are open wide.
Help me look inside.


More Blue October lyrics. I really really like their music, though some of the lyrics are very disturbing. Not violent, really, just very emotionally stirring and the imagery is amazing.

I'm tired. LoL I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm just so drained right now... Like all the instability I've been has wracked my brain, body, soul to the point of exhaustion, 24-7.

Thank you for not yelling at me. Thank you.

I look back at Friday and just... shake my head and wonder, "What the hell happened?" I was just... miserable. Ridiculously, hopelessly, miserable. And that's all there is to say. Absolutely miserable. LoL

Andrew, you are... amazing. There is just no other word for it. You're like... -too- good. Like Panda. I'm almost suspicious about what's hiding behind door number 2, because door number 1 is just.too.good.

It was so nice to go home and just... be miserable, if I wanted to be. My mom looked at me and told me to quit being such a baby- Go take a damned nap, will ya?! So I did, woke up, and hung with the fam, and it was nice to see my little bro. Who, let me tell you, is not so little anymore! He's got to be at least 6', 6'1", and when his friends caught up to him and mom and I in CVS, I felt like a munchkin Dorothy dragged back to Kansas. Just waaaaayy too small for present company. LoL Shortest one there! And that's saying something at 5'7". LoL

I took an hour and a half to get back to the house yesterday, then spent another hour and a half at URI studying with Carolyn. Got back to the house, went into apologize to Kate for not helping to clean up, and... 30 seconds later, stomped out, both of us screaming, doors slamming, and Matt and Kevin looking at each other like... Yep, Abby's home. Yippee cayay Motherflusher.

But we're good now, and trying to work out some communication. I didn't get yelled at like I thought I was going to, from the other person I -really- was quite mean to, but there's some conversations that are going to have to be acted upon. And by that, I mean... I'm going to have to grow some willpower, because by damned, I will not be a ragdoll.

I didn't realize it until a few hours after I got here yesterday. I am miserable. Not just unhappy, but frieking MISERABLE! I'm laughing because right now, right at this moment, I am good. I am fine, just chilling in my house, hanging with my family and just.. being free to be however I want to be, without worrying about putting on a show, and when I will be unable to put it on any longer.