Yep... I needed to write. Fucking A! I knew she would be there, sjut knew it. Fuck! Someone just put a goddamn bullet through my head. What manner of sutpidity would cause me to go to he barn on a fucking weekend!? What idiotic neurons weren't working!? *sigh* Whatever... It was hostile, to say the least, awkward to say the least, but I think I got off the attitude real well. Mainly because I truly have one. I didn't have to fake anything. It's so much easier to act bitter and resentful and disdainful, when you truly are all of the above. Granted, she had reasons to be bitter and angry and sarcastic. But... so did I. And she can't push me aorund like she used to. I think i proved it today. She knew it, I knew it.

Conclusion: I'm not allowed to visit Dan anymore. At all. Unless she's there. (At that statement, I walked out of the barn, got in my car, and drove off, only to return shortly after because in my temper, I forgot to tell her why I'd come.)
Another Conclusion: I'm not intimidated anymore by this bitch. She can throw anything at me, and I can take it, mainly ebcause I know that I don't need her anymore. Yes, I was visiting because I msised the horses, but she doesn't have ammo anymore, no Mouse to sell, no Dan to threaten me with. And she knows it, and she's wondering.

I'm gritting my teeth at the moment, proud of my spine and forcefulness in the matter, my bitterness and resentment obviously showed to her by my attitude, though with my submissiveness shown to adults in the fact that I didn't scream, yell, cower, or cry. At the same time, though... All i want to do is go outside, and with both fingers reaching for the sky, scream out my defiance. It won't do anyhting but get me in trouble ebcause my neighbors will tell my parents what I said, So... FUCK YOU!!! I Hate your guts, BITCH! Get a life, quit messing with 12 year olds HEADS! You know why your son is FUCKING PSYCHOTIC!?!?!? It's because he was raised by a fucking psycho!!! I hope you lose Dan to someone who deserves her. And I'm glad she threw you on your Ass. Now you know why I was the only one who could ride her. I was the only one she LIKED! Want to know why!? Because all you did was scream, yell and threaten!!! You never said two words to that mare, or anyone else for that matter, for anyhting done good. YOu jsut took it for granted!!! So, ya know what!? Ya know who's sick of the bullshyt!? That'd be ME! So, again, Fuck Off, and Go To Hell. I should ahve stayed away after I left you with those words four years ago!! I should ahve learned. You're right. This time was my fault. I was stupid!! But, dammit, it won't happen ever fucking again!!!

*smiles bitterly* That's my monologue... If you don't like it... Screw You. Night all!

Yeah!! So, I guess that that break from track helped me out in running, huh? I felt better today than I have in hte past couple weeks!!! I was so excited. and these new handoffs that we learned, they really helped the team. We bettered our previous record of 58.7 seconds, to 57.03!! How insane, huh? Anyway... We still finished last, Lol I'm so exited. But, we were competing against some of the best in the state, so... what can you expect, huh? The rest of the team did pretty well, all of them finishing their races in good standing. Ala made it into hte fimals, and finished 3rd or 4th in them. Good deal, ALA!!! Whoot!!!! Anyway... Schuman wants to know who Andy who throws Discus, on the Smithfield team, is. Anyone got names and class schedules, tell me, kk? Addresses are good too, LoL. We'll go stalk him, right Schuman!? hehe... I love being a stalker. It makes my day go off on the right foot, loL. Anyway... gotta go round up dsome fun. I'm sooo sunburned. Can't wait to take a shower and see how much is dirt and what level of burnage I got... Yeah... hehe Have a good tan in a week or so... Whoop! hehe Cya all later!

After that horrifying day, I wouldn't ahve even imagined that the rest of the week would be as much fun as it was... Wednesday wasn't even like a school day. It started out with Breakfast in the parking lot, at 6:30, then toa day where nothing was sane. I skipped gym and went to hang out with frineds in Auld's class, then had auld's class again so did the same thing... What a great way to end the perfect day. The, today, it was one HUGE study allll day long. How insane is that, huh? I failed my math test with a 65, but... I'm hopeful that my prject will bring up that grade. Ms. Mosher surprised me when she told me she was sorry about the grade. Being me, i burshed it off, like I always do, and just kinda... goofed. I think she knew I was hurting though. *shrug* Wh, whatcha gonna do?

So... They finally called an announcement that teachers should patrol the hallways because kids had been seen running around inthem. How BS. I'm pretty sure they jsut meant one kid- ME! hehe I was alll over the place!! hehe So, instead of leaving at 12:15 like I said and really was, going to, I left at 1, because i was having a blast running around the school. *grin* I never made it to practice today, and I can't go to ZOX... *pout* I really really wanted to. Fucking track meets. I'm really beginning to resent them, as well as the people who take it so fucking seriously. Can't you jsut have fun doing a sport? Why does it ahve to be a life or death matter? Maybe I'm jsut like thise because I goof off in everything, and don't really care about anything? Who knows? Anyway... ggt. My ride's here.

Geez... Talk about... Man. So, today, Dr. Paul died. How else do you put something like that? "Yeah, he dropped dead." was one way I heard someone put it, but it jsut doesn't seem right. So... A good friend of our family, Dr. Paul was taken too early in life.

My mom, brother and I went over today and offered our condolences to the family, exchanged stories, and shed tears. I can't believe it. I remember hearing my brother tell me, and I called him a liar, thinking it was another of his sick jokes. Later, while online, my mom was on the phone, and all of s udden, the tears started rolling down her face, and her voice changed. I looked over, and just... knew. I just knew. So, I said bye to everyone, got my shoes on, and went over to their house.

What do you say? What is there to say? It doesn't make it better, words can't. I guess you're just trying to make the realization easier for the family, trying to allow them to slip from shock into reality jsut a little bit easier.

To you, Dr. Paul. Thank you for all you've done for me and my family, for everyone you've come into contact with, you brightened their days, and lightened their outlook. You helped many people through their darkest moments, and others to look beyond themselves, to see the world beyond. I can't express in words the tragedy this is, to have struck a family as yours, a man as you.
PS. While in Heaven, please give Buckwheat a pat for each and every one of us, and don't cheap him on the table scraps.

Yup, so... Prom was wicked fun! Even though my date plaed pitch through all th fast songs, I was having a great time. I think he was too, minaly because he came back for the slow songs. *grin* I must admit though, it was kinda awkward when I felt bad about making Joe dance when he didn't want to, so I sat down and tried to tlak to him. I felt like such a dipshyt, because I could not think of anything to say!! I was almost read to kill myself, I felt so stupid. Anyway... So, the dance was a hit.

I felt pretty in my dress, which gafe me confidence, to begin with, and then Joe was... Gorgeous, yes, gorgeous, in his suit coat and shirt. (With my bouquet!! OMG! It was AWESOME!!!) His mom had me all psyched up for oragne and brown plaid. I knew he wouldn't go for that, but... I was wondering. So, when he stepped out of the car, and looked so nice, I thought I was gonna, like, drool. *mischievous smirk* This should prolly be going in my SB, but... It's not. I'm allowed to look, right!? Geez! hehe

Anyway... he had me laughing with his Julius Caesar button... It was a wicked cool button, and I found out later that he'd picked that over a gemstone. I'm glad. I liked the button. As I admitted before, he has good taste. Yes, this must be my night for complimenting people.

Lindsey looked awesome in her pink dress!! Missa and Aims looked absolutely wonderful, all of them like princesses!!! Jessie and Sherri, who went with TCapp, were beautfiul!! I love Sherrie's style, hehe It's so original! I wish I could pull off something like that! After all that, I went to the Turcotte's house and slept over... What a funny place! Her mom is soo sweet!

Anyway, after that, we got up at 7:30, went t othe track meet, hten i headed down to Pawtucket with Lindsey. Her firneds are so cool! Jerami and Aaron and Justin are such sweethearts. Andrew seemed kinda like a jerk, but... Maybe it was just an off day. Who knows? Anyway... it was a great day.

Then, after that, we headed to my house, and ran back out about 10 minutes alter, to go to the concert at the Living Room, where Richie, Loaf and Chris were all palying. it was frieking insane! The mics sucked, but just seeing all the guys up on the stage made me so happy!! I had an idea too... which I might bring up to Richie or Chris later, see if I can get one of them to go along wiht it.

So, Lindsey slept over, and in the morning, we went over to Richie's houe with my dry-erase markers and markered on his car... All good things, no worries. Then we went to CVS and dropped off my prom pictuers that I took, and they're pretty funny, mind you! Then we went to her house, then over to Aimee's where we chatted for a bit, hten over to joe's right across the street, and wrote on his car, too! Then, we drove back to her house, and over to Katie's and back to mine, so she could go to her house for Mother's day! All this in 2 hours!!! So... then my relatives came voer, and I slept some for the afternoon, and... didn't study for my AP bio test. GREAT.... Not.

Anyway. Joe became Uncle Juice at 12:45 on Sunday afternoon, to William Francis Moroney the Fifth. What a mouthful... Poor Kid. LoL Anyway... Congratulations Jackie and the rest of the Basile family!!!!