The Dragon has arrived

So, long story short, Sherwood has spoken. Li will not own her. Oy.

Shelby hopped on Friday, said she was a giraffe but nothing awful, then hopped on again Saturday, and rode her through some shenanigans- mid-level shit. Then Li hopped on with Carol Mayo, and... had a perfect ride. To the point that Carol offered multiple times to buy her, and was flabbergasted when she figured out who this horse was from PRF, as well as the one "careening" around the indoor earlier. "So, you've had your hands full, huh? You've done a great job with her!" Lmao

Li had been saying Sher had been acting up, but it's been cool, they cut down turnout.. I basically shrugged in my head. Yeah, what'd you expect?

Well... Today, Li took her for a trial ride with Jess, and as they were heading back to the barn, Sher rodeo bronc'd her off when asked for a trot. Ran back to the barn. So Li just.. untacked her and put her out. And decided she no longer wants to buy her. *rolls eyes*

I feel like a Game of Thrones character. Abigail Stark. "Winter is coming. Unleash the Dragon!"

On the other hand, we get to use the blingy browband!!! *squeals and jumps around*

New Horse?

I am fucking crazy.

Why am I selling Sherwood?
Bc she stresses me the fuck out.
- My house, my job, Logan, I need a break.
- I needed a break. I needed to be horseless for a time. No bills, no decisions, no questions, no responsibility. Sort out other stuff- house, bills, OT.
-  Because riding her is stressful. 
- Because on top of all the other changes this year, Sherwood became a job.   

Will any horse stress me out less?
- No. I am innately a stress-monster.

What's different about a 2yo gelding? 
- I will get a 6 month break while he's in KY.
- And then he's just turned 3- ground work, trail rides, basics.
- There are only 2 USEA FEH-3yo events in Area 1. Valinor and Town Hill. And they're only in-hand classes with a free-jump portion.
-- Rules: FEH Rules
- Do I really want another young horse?

Am I responsible enough to own a "game changer"?
-  Yes.
- I am ambitious, competitive, and a good rider with JH's help.

Maybe I just need anti-anxiety meds.

SMTBM

Hah. STBU- Sucks To Be You, but Sucks More To Be Me.

Sherwood was fine. Vet came out, and we ended up going to Huntington and rocking out to a 7th place finish. After 2 weeks off, she cleared out a warmup ring, but.. Tomatoes, Tomahtoes. :)

On another scene, my relationship with Logan is heading in a very familiar and unwelcome direction. He hates me. And I hate him. We are miserable.

So.. I need to offload the truck, Sherwood, and the trailer to be able to afford this house and my student loans on my own. STBM.

I think I need to re-evaluate my life choices. Namely, owning property to bring my horse home. Because I won't have one. Maybe I'll do some travelling, instead. I like travelling. Maybe me and my dogs can do the whole trailer travelling gig.

What am I going to do with this house? How can I fix it without help? My dad is gone and I won't have any help. I keep thinking this is how relationships go, but... maybe it's only how MY relationships go.

July

Mom was saying earlier this month (it's the 6th, in case you didn't notice) that she was really beginning to hate July. I'm not sure her other reasons, or if she even needs one other than that Dad died in July, but... I'm echoing her sentiments. It all started just before July- Thursday, infact. I went to lesson on Sherwood before vacation and found a popped abscess on the inside of her left front hoof- left a decent sized hole, but otherwise she seemed fine. Okay... No big deal, right? Yup, Lame. So... calls to farrier, soaking, poulticing, the whole lot ensues over the weekend while I'm on vacation by Jess and Li. Should be good to go by Tuesday and definitely fine for the event this weekend.

Tuesday rolls around, and if anything, she seems a little worse. More calls to farrier, now he's concerned bc it never drained, it's not acting right, maybe you should call the vet. Okay.. Now -I'm- concerned. Vet's coming out Friday, Matt's coming out Thursday. Bases covered. We may miss the event, and her season may end prematurely, what the fuck!

Before I can do anything else, Logan calls to let me know he hurt his shoulder at work, can't move it, needs to see a doc ASAP. Oh geez. I roll over to Pomfret from Woonsocket, get him and the Jeep home, Vinton and Seth are on acation until next week. MF'er!! Get him over to Launer, who orders an MRI. Doesn't think it's anything too serious, but just in case. And the tax bills come in for the cars- $2300 due by the end of the month. Eek. As is the last installment of Logan's surgery bill- which, by the way, drained my bank accounts while I was in NH and effectively ruined that trip for me. Are you beginning to see why I'm disliking this month?

So... It's now Friday morning, Matt came out yesterday, and it's not looking awesome. He's not committing to anything, but just that he specifically recommended that XR be taken and have the Lameness God, Enda, call him directly, tells me it's not looking good. He's thinking laminitis due to digital tenderness in both fronts, and something called "seedy toe", which I looked up, and is most common in chronic lameness. Hello career ending diagnosis!! But, on the other hand, he also said he'd bet money on the left front being a bone bruise and abscess.. if the right hadn't had digital tenderness, too. So... Maybe there's hope? Maybe?

I didn't sleep last night, and I'm exhausted. Time to go to work for a half day and hear what the vet says. Jess is fantastic and said she'd be there with me for the vet visit.

On the bright side, I guess we'll get really fantastic at our dressage... (I'm really really trying to be upbeat, here. Work with me!)

Troubled

I shot the goat. Lined him up in my sights and took him down with two agonal bleats, then turned on my heel and got the butcher knife from the kitchen to make sure it was done. And as much as I like to think myself as practical, I still can't figure out if it's the killing, or the thought that I may be this cold is what's bothering me more. Let's face it. That goat was a bane on my house. I ended it quickly and as painlessly as I possibly could, and didn't flinch about getting dirty to make sure he didn't suffer. In every way, I did the most humane thing I possibly could to make his end clean.

I also put in my notice that afternoon.

My stomach hurts.

Larkin Hill

So, My case was cancelled today due to a patient refusing an IV. I mean, you asked for surgery for a busted up, shattered, SMASHED elbow, but walk away because you refuse to have an IV put in? Welcome to Woonsocket. The world of nonsense and ridiculousness.

So here's my day so far. I was up periodically throughout the night because this is the day I resign. From this crazy fucking job that has made me periodically cry, scream, throw things, and laugh uncontrollably- sometimes all at once. So I was up periodically thinking about how I.. wanted to write my letter (carefully), if I should offer to stay on Per Diem (yes), and how much I would ask to do so (lots and lots and LOTS!!!).

Then I got up to find Ricky standing on the Jeeps hood. Yes. My brandy spanking new Jeep that I flew down to SC and drove back to get, in the exact color and transmission and hardtop and BT that I wanted? Because there were NONE any closer? Yes. That Jeep. That is now covered in goat hoofprints and goat scratches from him CLIMBING HIS WAY UP!!!! Yes. That Jeep. By 6:17 in the morning, I had a rifle in my hands and was sighting him down the barrel, calming my breathing because I knew that soon, at least one problem in my life would be dealt with. Permanently. Ain't no coming back from this, kid. Hah. Kid. So appropos. And then the gun jammed. Divine intervention? Maybe. I will clean it and try again tonight. Then we shall see how many lives that fucking goat has.

Mostly to work (8:00AM), a normal WEdnesday morning, or so I thought, Launer calls to leave me a voicemail questioning if the case is at 8:30, and if I'm helping. I have no idea, but after calling Luci, yes.. there is a case. Yes, I am helping, but no... It was supposed to start at 7:30. Whoops. Now let me haul ass to the OR, where there's no H&P, everyone's screaming, guy has MRSA, Launer's not there, where's ABBI!!!??? And.. after all that gets settled down, H&P gets written (somehow, because I've never met this man, but by golly, there's the barest bones of an H&P in the computers), case gets cancelled bc guy will not have an IV put in. Ooookaaaayyy...

Get across the street, go to make a coffee so I can do paperwork and write my letter in the next 4 hours of cancelled office hours, and... asshole drank all the milk, went across the to Dr's lounge to make more and didn't bring any back, and.. Now I'm upset. So, I get milk and make sure I lick allll along the pouring edge.. And smile! Yes. I may have reverted back to middle school, but by golly, it felt really good. Haiiiiyah!

And now, I literally just shit my insides out bc Larkin posted it's times- not only am I driving up alone bc Shelby's barnmate begged for a ride, but  the event is full. Not accepting entries. Running from 7am to 6pm. I am.. So nervous, I literally just shit my brains out. Or so the toilet thought. Wooo hoo eventing! BRING IT ON!!!!

A creative writing exercise to make my brain work: 100 words from the perspective of an inanimate object.

I am grounded deep into the earth; a tree without roots or branches that still stands as a foundation for outward reaching limbs. My brothers and sisters stand proudly in line through freezing snow, pounding rain, scorching heat without complaint. We are dependable and strong, standing our lines and manning our posts. We keep our charges safe day and night, holding them back from the wild world beyond with our combined strength of many. As we age, we weaken, like everything else, until eventually, we fall, one by one, the gaps widening until our captives are set free.

Fence Post

Long-awaited update

It's been so long since I wrote in here, I couldn't even remember the correct sign-in name. ::Smirks::

I hate posting afte rbeing away so long. How do you catch up? How do you even begin to pretend to catch up? Here's the huge updates:

I went to PA school in NY. Was engaged, lived on Long Island for 3 years, and.. was never so happy to leave a place. :: Laughs.:: I've worked in Boston, Portland, OR, and have tried to live my life as fully as possible.

Nan died. Dad died. Last year was.. awful. Just awful. This year seems to be shaping up a bit better, but we shall see.

I have now bought one of my very own house.. and sold it. Then bought another with the huge piece of good news that has happened- his name is Logan. We've now been together for.. 3 years in July. And I heart him to pieces, even if sometimes I hide it a bit too well. He has stuck with me through last year, I suck with him through his pelvic fracture. I guess we're stuck together through hardship, but I think some of the toughest relationships are like that. I'm not sure we'll ever have the wedding, kids, picket fence, but I'm happy with what we do have.

I bought my own horse and two dogs! Sherwood, AKA Miss Sherwood AKA MS Dragonstar, is so typical of my animals- a dominant queen you need to ask versus dare to tell. Fight or flight? There's only one option. But we have some lofty goals for this year, and so far, she's been one of my biggest challengers but also a fantastic teacher. Loki.. Loki-dog.. is 7 this year. OMG. :: Goofy grin:: Whereas Sprite, who was my bitch-sistah, was my heart dog, Loki is.. just as much so my love. He's my old man, and if I thought there was a chance in heaven that I could keep him forever, I would. Then there's the Ruff-Tuff Rufus. You remember that dog I always wanted as a kid? Ears flapping out the window, long tail, chases sticks, goofy mutt? That is so Rufus. He started out a little rough (read nickname was Craigslist!), but he's truly blossomed into an amazing companion and family-member. In fact, he just had a litter with Mom's new Poodle, Shadow- they were born 3 days ago. PS. He a Lokes are 1/2 brothers, so Loki lives on in some way! I will definitely be keeping a pup of his at some point.

I'm done for now. Gotta go drink my coffee. Yes, I drink that toxic shit now.. Gotta die somehow, right? :: Grins.::