Ugh... I am so abusive. I feel very bad for boys who come in contact with me. Linda, for some weird reason, admires it. She says to me today,"You make them feel normal by calling them a loser." haha I guess what she meant was that I call them names, but with a huge smile and a clearly joking expressiom it jsut kinda gives people who don't normally get much attention to come out of their shells.

I constantly amaze myself, though, because around Lindsey, I clam up or jsut act like a dork, whereas with boys I barely know, I can joke around and be silly and whatnot. I think it's that Linds shows me up every time- she's sooo silly, I even try to do it, she's not only already done it, but topped it with something even funnier. I gave up a long time ago trying to hang with guys when she's around. LoL She's jsut got it alllll over me. haha I love you Linds, no worries!!!

I can't wait to go back to school. I came home today, after being up at 6:30, at work from 9-4, to be back at 5:30, to... chaos. My brother shoves his gf in my backseat- MY CAR'S NOT EVEN SHUT OFF YET!!!- tells me to shut the fuck up and drive her home, and throws himself in the front seat. So waht do I do? I reach in, grab my coffee mug full of water and hurl it at him as hard as I can, then walk away. *shakes head* I should ahve known better.

All the way to the party this afternoon, mom and Seth screamed at each other, so I was left dripping in the passenger seat. If I'd had a hood, I would've hidden in it, because I jsut didn't want to be there. Drowning Pool would have been helpful at that point.... *le sigh* I can't wait to go back to shcool. I can feel my sanity draining out again with every word they speak.

Today is going to be a good day... I'm excited. I have about 10 minutes to type than I have to get going for a doctor's appointment... oooh... I like this song. I hae no idea who sings it. the one that goes, "Listen to your heart when he's calling for you. Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do." Hmm... Such a sap, I know. But whatever! Cat leaves in 2 days, and he hasn't even called. *shakes head* It's sad how far apart we've gotten. I suppose college and Jenn did quite a bit of it, but I suppose that both of us pushed the other away. So now he's leaving for however long the Army wants him, and when he gets back, who knows what will remain. Will my bush-jumping pal still be there? Even this summer he's different. I doubt it.

Lindsey, have I ever told you that your ice cream is still in my freezer? haha You jsut want me to eat it so you don't. BRAT! Let me get fat so you can stay skinny. *shakes head* Oy... Some friends I've got! LoL BTW... Can you remind me that the next time we hang with playa boys that I shouldn't wear that shirt anymore? Or... can I go change? LoL Now Jesse has my number and if he calls, I may have to hang up on his ass. haha Stupid icky boys. But you're right, I missed JMart... he's so sweet. I'm sorry I clammed up, I was sooo tired. hah The 2 hour commute every day -kills- me! haha

So... Can we hang with Jay tonight? ;) heh.

OMG!!! I have the most gorgeous horse to ride this fall. At least until he's sold. Oh man. He's awesome. I showed Matt the pictures, and though I have no idea how horsey-oriented he is, I'm thinking not at all, even he thought he was gorgeous. EEEEEE!!!!! I wanna jump up and down and screech like a fool. haha Sweet jesus, I get to live off campus with people I absolutely adore, -and- I get a gorgeous horse??? Shit, what awesome things did I do to deserve this?? heh

PS. Think about it. MUAH!

I want to bring you soup or ice cream, comic books or a car to get to meetings. Did I tell you? I'm going to an AA meeting. I'm talking to you as I write this, and yet... I don't really want to tell you. If you were smart, you'd laugh and call me dumb. because that's exactly what I am. But Dad said he'd go with me, so we're going.

Good luck babes.