So, yesterday was kind of interesting. I can't wait to see what today brings.

I found out some stuff:
1) My beautiful, oft-complimented, wonderfully smart and spirited mare was scheduled to be sent to slaughter just after I started riding her because no one could stay on. Lori put me on her to show that she could be ridden by someone, so that Frank wouldn't have her made into dogfood. Close call, huh?
2) That little shit aforementioned pulled a stunt yesterday- 3 days she's stood with her foot in a bucket for an hour or more no problem while I stand next to her and clean tack. I set her up yesterday the same way I always do, told her to stand and went to go to the bathroom at the end of the aisle. I glanced back once or twice and saw her looking back at me. All of a sudden, there's a crash and water splashing sounds. She'd kicked the bucket! Threw it down the aisle. "If you're not going to stand here, then I'm not, either!" LMAO
3) I told Rich that I felt awkward because I as putting forth all the effort and that if he was hanging out just because he's a nice guy, that's great but it's not necessary. He told me that wasn't the case and promptly attempted to ask me if I'd rather he came to Gansett instead of me going to Bville. Of course, I was already headed to Bville, so the answer was no, but.. good try. LoL

I don't know why I let her make me feel so AWFUL! I swear, it is almost regular that anything she says in regards to certain topics consistently make me get off the phone and either 1) cry for a good couple of minutes, or 2) feel like an absolute jerk. I mean, you think I don't KNOW I'm an idiot? And you know what the worst part is? I know I'm NOT an idiot, yes I do stupid things sometimes and more often with certain topics, but having your own mother basically come out and tell you, is definitely a building block of self-doubt. God, I hate how I let her make me feel this way.

I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm definitely feeling a vibe. Whether I'm being delusional or not, one will never know. LoL Guess we'll jsut have to see.

I told Josh the other day that the reason I'm so happy isn't because of Rich, but Poe. And... it's true. I was MISERABLE all those years because there was something absolutely vital missing in my life. And since last September, especially since this summer, I've got this inner sense of peace because... I love horses, my horse, riding, being at the barn, hanging with people who understand me, strong and capable women not afraid to get their hands dirty, having a goal, having the chance to achieve my goals.

And... Poe's Night Mare is now... Poe-etic. haha We'll see how she is, then decide. hahah

I had a GREAT time with Josh and Linda this weekend. There was some of the old tension after we'd both had a few drinks but we rose above it beautifully. So, my reason for nervousness wasn't unfounded, but definitely ended up okay. Funny enough, but it wasn't even that he had a gf that stopped me cold in my tracks, it was that I know where I want this to go and refused to start with black marks. God knows I'll have enough chances to scuff if it happens. Tom was right... It's all about intent.