Poe is... my girl. Josh went to the barn with me today. He is one of two friends who has ever been to the barn. And by ever, I mean... EVER. Crystal was the only other one. She was just... amazing. There were no shenanigans and no temper tantrums, even though Jenn told me she was trying to kick down her stall door yesterday in frustration at being in. haha

By the time we were done lunging then riding, she was soaked. Literally, dripping. And she would have done more if I'd asked. So we spent the next 1.5 hours walking her out and playing games in the indoor. Me, Josh, and Jenn. Jenn would challenge me to do something, so I'd do it, and Poe was so cute. She followed me around without any reason, even trotting with me when I asked her to. We played chase-the-tail and catch-the-ear and... she was fine. I even hopped up without a saddle or bridle and rode bareback for a while. She was an angel!

Josh was excited when I let her hand gallop. I didn't dare tell him that she could go faster, because the arena is way too small to show off that speed. LoL But, she was amazing. He was so amazed when she'd just follow me around for no reason, but just because I was there and she could. He also was astounded when she would watch for me and follow me on the cross-ties, always checking where I was with an eye or ear. She didn't mind him but really couldn't have cared less if he was there or not. All focus was on me and what I wanted to do. What a power-trip. It's nice to be lead mare. LoL Spot would be proud.

Thank God for Carolyn. I just pray that I am as good a friend as she is.

Between Josh and Rich, and the family shit I found out, and the issues that have been raised in my head because of all that, nevermind school! I'm feeling so overwhelmed and... small.

I've known so much about my parents and my childhood, so... not much of it was a shock there, but the overall picture and the history and that so many people cared enough to try to stop them, those are new facts.

That it wasn't Curly so much as Memere. That we were both raised by our grandparents and the ones who weren't ended up the EXACT SAME WAY. That my upbringing was so affected by the College Rule. But not just for college, for EVERYTHING. That I was never GIVEN anything without feeling like I owed something for it.

God... my head hurts and I just really want to cry in frustration for so many years of wondering why there were so many double-standards.

And how the child always tries hardest for the parent they perceive loves the least. Hi Mom, how are you?

I really like Rich. Period. Even if he is the stupid choice.