I'm beginning to understand how Beth feels. But I'm sure that I will get over it. I have to. LoL Or I'm going in a convent.

I don't mean to be a CT. I swear to god. I just... I joke around and be myself, and guys get all weird. It's like, Dude, I'm like... one of the best girls around here. I am such a good girl, it's almost painful. Just because I joke does not mean I do what I joke about.

Rush was fun, I had a great time with all the crazy girls- screaming and yelling, they brought tic-tac-toe to a whole new level, haha

Today was a great day. Started off waking up past 8, that always makes for a good day. Then had a decent conversation with someone I wasn't sure I would ever have another decent conversation with (twice, even!), ran into some old acquaintances, and even had a great time hanging out in a room with 40 girls. Even had a movie-date!

Now... How much better of a day can you get, right?


I could think of a few ways, but we'll leave them for the SB, haha

I'm back on Kevin's laptop, because mine is a POS- rocking it with hte graphics card... Aweeeesssssooooooome.

Anyway... I don't have to worry about slouching, truth really -does- hurt, I proved more than once today, and... girls can be fun. YAY!

I feel like I haven't written in a while. And this one will be short because I am inundated with work. And by inundated, I mean... My life cycle has been reduced to eat, brush teeth, pee, class, work/homework, sleep. Maybe another pee in there. haha

Yesterday was sick. I think i may hav eto stop working on Wednesdays because it is just too much. I was up at 7:30, and without any time for a nap or anything, I did not get back in my door until 11:05 last night. Geez!!

I can't sit through all my class, and I have major amounts of homework to do. I don't knw how I'm going to pass this semester. I feel Orgo 2 may be enough to kill me, nevermind the rest of the BS! LoL So anyway... Being Perfect is going well. I am still working out kinks that seem to love to stay with me after I go nuts for a bit, but they're leaving. I'm having some fun- it just seems like I don't because while I am, I feel I should be studying or doing -something-.... haha Great, right??

Katrina is coming down this weekend!!! YAYAY!!! Only two more days, and then she'll be here!! I love Katrina. I do not love being evicted from my house(Even though I'm the one technically doing the evicting), but I figure, HEy! It'll be more of an adventure that way, right?? Right.

Bwuahahah. I think being friends is the best thing I've got going. I am a really good friend, I think... Sometimes. haha Maybe that in itself makes me a bad friend. But really, I seriously try my hardest to fix something if it goes wrong, and I absolutely love helping out when things go right! heh Even if I do tend to zone out in hte midst of stories, or blurt out the weirdest, un-connected things ever. I am listening.... Mostly. hehe Kate, i love you!!! haha "Blah blah blah" "Uh huh... *reading a book*.... *looks up 5 minutes later* Did you say something?"

I am being The Perfect Anti-Drama Queen. And by that, I mean... Nothing. Notta. Zilch. Caput. Zero. I'm even evicting myself from the house this weekend, to give Kate some time to cool down and chill out for her last weekend with hte boy who's leaving. Besides... me and the other DQ (Katrina) are heading to Providence to, "Go crazy to celebrate being sane." haha I love it. I think I may have to make a new blogger layout about that. I need new pictures to modify and fix up for that purpose, though... Hmm...

Anyway, I think I may get a small tattoo... You know, the college kid thing to do, etc. etc. Nothing huge or even big, nothing showy. It's prolly gonna be down by my ankle, and an outline of either a tribal horse or that crazy fire-dancer I found this summer... but seem to have lost track of. Hm. Intersting.

I would definitely say that this weekend was... insane. Well, Saturday, anyway. haha I can't believe I went off like that. But, like I explained to Matt when I called for the cease-fire Sunday night, I didn't have time to cool down slowly, and I'm honestly not very sorry at all that I did it. I needed to explode to release all the simmering anger that has been there for a good month or so. It felt -real- good. LoL

But, being anti-drama again feels real good, too. I hate all the BS and not-eating, not-sleeping, not-having-fun stress shit of drama, and... I'm glad I promised Kate. Because I will not break a promise to someone who means that much to me- even if it wasn't a pinky swear. Though I did think she was going to kill me yesterday when I informed her that Kat was coming down for the weekend. I've only heard her yell once, and that was definitely the loudest yet. haha Go me!

Computer, I hate you to death. haha But i love you, too... And if you had a brain, I would think you were taking advantage of that fact.

I'm just so... tired. I'm tired, my head is killing me, I feel sick to my stomach, and the only thing I want to do is sleep forever. Or at least until I can look at the world and not think, "Goddamn... I have to be here another day? Fuuuck."

You know what? I love my life. I love who I am. I love the people I love, and I love all the experiences and shit that has brought me this far, given me this awesome perspective that allows me to deal with so many things and relate to so many people.

I'm just sick of being hurt. I'm so entirely -sick- of having people let me down and treat me like shit. I must ask for it. I mean, I'm nice. I don't like to get mad because I know I have a horrendous temper, and so I bite it back and talk calmly and quietly, figure out what's going on and how to fix it. Then go running. I'm just sick of you making me cry, or scream, or hate the fact that I still like you.

Or... I like the Matt that I liked at one point. I don't know who this new person in your skin is, but I -hate- him. I don't think I can emphasize this point enough. I hate him to the point of insanity. And all I can conclude is that the Matt I liked was a mask, designed to trick me into believing something that wasn't true. Otherwise, how could these recent events have happened?

I can't even express how hurt I am right now, how unbelievably... dumb. I -liked- you. I trusted you! I cried to you and told you things that I have never told ANYONE!! And to find that after I tried so hard, you never cared all along? What do I say to this? It's like putting everything you have, heart and soul, into something, only to have it rejected and insulted!

Your attitude is what gets me, more than anything. Your actions? I can understand them. On a logical, rational level, I understand completely. You got bored, you... wahtever. You found someone new. Okay. You wanted to bring your new girl to a party. That's fine. Completely understandable.

But. When put into perspective, let's look again.

Planning on bringing your new girl, who broke up you and your ex-girl, to your ex-girl's party? Then, on top of that, yelling at a friend who only wants you to stay because it is your best friend's going-away party and then not coming back because you're too busy getting what you want? Wow. Balls or brains, boy. Ball or brains. Too much of one and not enough of the other. Your whole attitude is that of a spoiled whiny child who doesn't care what he does or who he hurts, jsut so he can get what he wants. In a 4 year old, that's not acceptable. In a 21 year old, it is pathetic. Grow up.

Need I say it again? You disgust me. You're a pig. Oink oink.