I'm just so... tired. I'm tired, my head is killing me, I feel sick to my stomach, and the only thing I want to do is sleep forever. Or at least until I can look at the world and not think, "Goddamn... I have to be here another day? Fuuuck."

You know what? I love my life. I love who I am. I love the people I love, and I love all the experiences and shit that has brought me this far, given me this awesome perspective that allows me to deal with so many things and relate to so many people.

I'm just sick of being hurt. I'm so entirely -sick- of having people let me down and treat me like shit. I must ask for it. I mean, I'm nice. I don't like to get mad because I know I have a horrendous temper, and so I bite it back and talk calmly and quietly, figure out what's going on and how to fix it. Then go running. I'm just sick of you making me cry, or scream, or hate the fact that I still like you.

Or... I like the Matt that I liked at one point. I don't know who this new person in your skin is, but I -hate- him. I don't think I can emphasize this point enough. I hate him to the point of insanity. And all I can conclude is that the Matt I liked was a mask, designed to trick me into believing something that wasn't true. Otherwise, how could these recent events have happened?

I can't even express how hurt I am right now, how unbelievably... dumb. I -liked- you. I trusted you! I cried to you and told you things that I have never told ANYONE!! And to find that after I tried so hard, you never cared all along? What do I say to this? It's like putting everything you have, heart and soul, into something, only to have it rejected and insulted!

Your attitude is what gets me, more than anything. Your actions? I can understand them. On a logical, rational level, I understand completely. You got bored, you... wahtever. You found someone new. Okay. You wanted to bring your new girl to a party. That's fine. Completely understandable.

But. When put into perspective, let's look again.

Planning on bringing your new girl, who broke up you and your ex-girl, to your ex-girl's party? Then, on top of that, yelling at a friend who only wants you to stay because it is your best friend's going-away party and then not coming back because you're too busy getting what you want? Wow. Balls or brains, boy. Ball or brains. Too much of one and not enough of the other. Your whole attitude is that of a spoiled whiny child who doesn't care what he does or who he hurts, jsut so he can get what he wants. In a 4 year old, that's not acceptable. In a 21 year old, it is pathetic. Grow up.

Need I say it again? You disgust me. You're a pig. Oink oink.