I just found out I probably need surgery on my knee because that last time, running with Seth, I really messed it up. I feel... unhealthy. Old. Depressed. I feel very weak and falling apart and just... disgusted and sad.

I think I would have been fine had my ankle not decided to lose the medial suspensory ligament about 5 hours after I was told that.

God, I'm so tired, and so so disgusted with the shit that's gone down- when are my legs going to work right?? Is it too late? Am I doomed to just keep hurting myself in rxn to the stuff that's already hurt? Am I going to weigh 400 lbs. by the time I'm okay to move?? Christ. I'm so so tired.