Okay... Got an idea cooking. How about a partay? Huh? My house, next weekend, Saturday night. It'll be cool, but not oo cold, and it should be fun!!! LoL

Okay... List of invitees... If I miss anyone, IM/email me at XxMizAlienxX/Sneakers012@hotmail.com

Tara Brad
Aims Brennan
Craig Missa
Katelyn JT
Erik Dave
Mini-Matt Doug
Joe Ally
Kerri Crystal
Lindsay Leslie

List of things to do, besides jsut having tons of fun!:
PS2 and PS, care of someone who wants to play them (Brad?, Matt?)
Volleyball (Me!)
Whiffleball (Someone?)
Movie(s) (Eh, pick a few, and get them over to me- DVD's are fine!)
Manhunt
Food (eh, whatever. if you want to bring something, feel free, but there should be enough here)
Pizza
Soda
Chips/Candy/etc.
CD's (If you want to hear something special, bring it along with ya. We have a sound system downstairs.)

Saturday Night from prolly 6 or 7-11, November 16th or 23rd. Get back to me on the better date, kk? Ehm... anything else? Lemme thing. If you want different entertainment, email/IM me, and... eh, whatever else. If I missed something, I'll update this little post thigy and we can have a blast.

Roight. In a much better mood than I was this morning, and now I'm all good! Me and Aims had a great time today, hanging with the Craig and Brennan guys, then with Brad, then with Missa. Yep... Great times. Great times. It's too bad Kerri and Joe couldn't come... I felt really bad when Joe called and was like, "Where are you guys?" I wanted to jsut curl up in a ball and hide. I felt soooo bad...

Well, maybe he could hang out on Monday when we all go someplace. *shrugs* Sure, why not? It could be fun.

But yeah, it was fun today. We went to Brads, then over to Brennan's to pick up the two guys, then over to the crossings, then to the highschool, and back to Brennans, then over to Brads, then Missa's then to Aims's, and then I went home. Thank God... I'm ready to drop right now... Sooo tired. Poor Aims, having to go to the drunk fireman's party. *grins* I'm sure she'll have fun, though! hehe

Anywho... I'm prolly going to bed. I'm dead tired. Roight. Night.

Some lyrics that fit me perfectly at the present moment:

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

-courtesy of Stone Sour

Baby, if you'd see it just once through my eyes
Maybe then we'd have a further chance to survive
Oh, baby if you'd see it just once through my eyes

-Meredtih Brooks

Should I let you in, into my house with its concrete walls
Should I let you in, into my room with its curtains drawn
I want to open up, and let you walk right through my door
Can you tell me, is it worth it, the risk any more
Should I let you in

-Meredith Brooks

I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

-Matchbox 20

dear terrance I love you muchly you've been nothing
but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive
and nurturing and consummately there for me I kept drawing you in
and pushing you away I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep
on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time you
were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself what
was wrong with me

-Alanis Morrisette (This is for all those people out there who put up with my shyt and constantly forgive me, constantly let me get it together and work it out, who are always behind me, who are always there for me. If it weren't for you guys, I'm not sure what would've happened. I love you guys with all my heart, you know who you are.)

Now I'll go chop wood like the eager beaver we all know i am... Yippee.

Okay... Wanna-be Bitchy without enough cleverness to cut it, and transparent when I want to be... My two thoughts for yesterday, Friday.

Okay, now... i have a few apologies to make to everyone, most of them for being the worst that it can possibly get, when I'm in the Spastic the Fantastic mood. Now... Brad, thanks for the ride to Brennan's. I really appreciated it, and I understand your need to see Tara safely into Leslie's car. I really shouldn't have bothered you as much as I did. If I'd wanted to get home sooner, I should've... done something else. *grins* So, sorry Bro.
Ehm... Missa and Craig, I really shouldn't have spazzed out on you like that, but... I think yesterday jsut wasn't the best day for me... Pain (yes, I really did hurt my knee A LOT!!!) and overwhelming panic (which was completely... I don't even know anymore. I got home at 10:59, so... not unnecessary, but definitely unneeded) don't seem to mix real well together.
Aims and Brennan- Congrats! I'm real happy for you both! Aims... I desperately owe you an apology for last night... What I said was not the reason I turned around, and hobbled screaming up the stairs. I really am happy for you. I was just... what's the word I'm looking for? ... Insane? Crazy? Panicked beyond anything you would understand?

Now, for all of you, I really hope that you can possibly forgive and forget my harsh words and tears and sobs of last night. I don't think I was all right in the head.

Now... back onto the rest of what i was saying. Bitchy without the cleverness to pull it off. Got to love someone saying that to you. So, in other words, I'm a person that's just to stupid and wit-less to pull of the bitchy scene. *nods* Oh yeah... I'm enjoying this. I think it hurt me more than I cared to say, because I laughed it off in Carolyn's face, and continued walking to class. Unfortunately, it's still bugging me, so... I'm hurt. Bad. Yesterday definitely wasn't my day for living, but man... do you have to call me a bitch, mean, cruel, asshole, -and- stupid, all in the period of walking between classes? I jsut want to cry. That's all there is to it. So yeah, that certainly didn't help my breakdown yesterday, because it was on my mind the entire time, because I didn't want to be a stupid bitch, but I didn't want to be a smart bitch either... I would relaly like to be known as a nice person, really. Granted, it's not gonna happen, but... It's a nice wish, nonetheless. So... yup. Thanks Carolyn, you jsut managed to ruin yet another of my days.

Why do I even bother trying to be nice to her and Mike? All they are, are assholes to me! Mike never says anyhting but "Abby, you're mean!" "Abby you're a jerk!" "Abby you're such a bitch!" And me... trying to be nice and not lose my temper, just smiles, laughs, and jokes it off. All i can say, is, I'm very glad that I have absolutely no more than 3 classes with that bunch of arrrogant, stuck-up, snobbish, cliqueish, introverted, eating-their-own-shyt-because-anything-else-isn't-good-enough-for-them, ASSHOLES!!!! *smiles* So yes, If there is one reason why I'd drop out of the Adv. Pre-Cal and drop down to Standard, is not ebcause I can't handle the math, I got a 97 on my last QUIZ!!!, but because of the people that are in the class. So... I'm not in the mood for anything else.

(Did you know that paragraph above was supposed to be about me wondering why I cared about what they said? Hmm... I guess the truth will come out.)

Right... So, Transparent when I want to be. Hmm... Not exactly bad, but... not exactly good, either. So I'm transparent, huh? I guess you're right. Maybe I am. I'm horrible at hiding my feelings, my life is an open book. *smirks* Or so everyone thinks. Brad certainly should get more credit than he deserves for dealing with me and knowing my "type" as well as he does. Yes, as you guys can prolly tell from above, the giggly, bubbly cover is my defense mechanism. I laugh off whatever I can't handle, and then fume as soon as I get in private. When I get in with people that intimidate me, I turn all bubbly, giggly, happy, and completely idiotic. *smiles* Real great way to make friends, huh? Erik, of all people, would know this, because when I met him, I was already intimidated, and so I was at my most idiotic best. Granted, for some reason, that works with some people. *smirks* Oh god... No wonder why we broke up. The giggly, bubbly me can usually make up some funny shyt! But... me myself and I, we're not too good at it.

So yeah... I jsut want everyone to know I'm sorry about what i did/was like, last night, and would someone jsut shoot me up with Tylenol PM's when i get like that? Drop me to the ground! LoL So... anywho, gonna go do wood today. *flexes* I'm really not feeling so good about this knee thing... Either way, call me when you think I should be rescued. Luv ya all!

Yup... I absolutely refuse to call, IM, or anyhting else. *grins* Don't you love my stubbornness? hehe. I never hurt anyone but myself that way... LoL Oh well. So my destructive personality is rearing its ugly head again... What's new? Huh? LoL

LMAO!!! My horse is such an asshole!! I love her! hehe Sorry Tara about that nice hell-ride she gave ya... I wasn't really expecting it. I'd been working her pretty hard so that she'd be tired. I'm unsure as to why she was jsut so much of a bronco... Just a day to be pissy? Hmm.. BTW... Major kudos for staying on. I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing, but damn! I woulda been hsaken a lot!!! And jsut because you stayed on when you said you wanted to get off, that earned you major point in my book. You got spine, girl, now all you need is character. *funny face* Heh. Or not.

"I am a Banana!"
"My spoon is too big!"

*grins* Moments in the rejected video that I absolutely cannot stand but to laugh at!! lmao
Geez... Thanks Erik and Tim for bringing the world of Don Hertzfeldt to my attention. It is hilarious!!! Yep... Supposed to be studying for Bio, but... it jsut ain't happening. Got an 86 average for this quarter! yay!! My score in math was a 74! About two points higher than I thought it it... Yippee cayay muther flusher!! Boojyah!! LoL I got good grades in msot everything else, too... All 80's and above in everything but math... a 96 in Biotech... I'm excited! LoL Yeeehaw! I'm not grounded for this quarter!

So yeah... Talk ed to Mini-matt last night... That kid is absolutely frieking cool! LoL I think I'm definitely "over" my previous obstacle... *groans, definitely isn't* But, even if I'm not (Duh!), I'm getting to the realization that it jsut isn't working and the only times I have fun are when I'm doing something that doesn't require me to be alone, or talking. So... screw it. It jsut wouldn't be fun that way. *shrugs* So, I guess I'm jsut destined to be single and free to flirt.
Granted, playing sports and dancing and all that is great, but... I don't know. I get the feeling that my feelings are mutual, as well. *groans* Ugh... I really need to jsut... chill. We can be pals and just hang out. Then i can be my old goofy self adn not worry about constantly being the center of attention. I'm jsut not that kind of girl. So, there! Hmm... now I feel dumb. Eh, screw it. Whatever.

Okay... i said I'd give you one, you perverted brother of mine. To have thoughts like that about a sister says nothing good about the relationships between family members in Smithfield, let me jsut tell you. Even Burrillvillians have come out of that century! So, anyway... Sorry Brad. I didn't mean to make you angry the tiher night by ditching you. But, you can ask anyone, and all will say that, if given enough time with me, they all get ditched at one point or antoehr, the more-liked ones getting ditched mroe often, becuase I feel that they can be. Granted, it's not always true, but... that's how my mind works.

Anyway... I had fun the other night with Erik, though with Missa and Craig, I'd have to say it was rather... boring? Is that the word in mind? Eh... somewhere about there. So, yeah. I'm debating whether to head down to somewhere this weekend, see if I can handle the road. Anyone wanna volunteer to be a passenger? *evil little grin* I plan on giving ehart attacks for free, thanks. Maybe I'll go pick up Ally... *grins* Hmmm... Time to go call her and see what she wants to do on Saturday or Sunday night. bwuhah. Maybe we could go riding again... See if my mare wants to try killing me again. I'm sure she'd love to.

Yay! I'm going riding tomorrow... yay! I hope she is good... I think she's gonna try to get me off again. hehe So yeah, tara! You up for it? Hmm... Guess not. Too bad...Oh well, whatever! time to bug Mini-Matt! yeah!

Roight. Have license, will drive! HAH!!! I came home from dropping Craig and Erik off at their houses, with Missa, and OMG.. It's a good thing Missa drove down, or we would been definitely found out. As it was, with me jsut driving from Erik to Craig's and abck to my house, my mom looked at me when we came in the door, and was like, "You went to Smithfield and back already?" I jsut nodded and had to hold back a laugh. Did I mention I was going 40 on the twisty turny road from Erik's to Craig's? LMAO! It was great!!

I had such fun, and I was giggling madly like, the whole frieking way... I couldn't stop! I was having jsut waaay too much fun for one person to possibly have!! lmao. Missa and Craig were busy making out in the back seat, (Hoover!!! LMAO) and I couldn't stop LAUGHING!!! I was cracking up! It was funny... To me anyway. Anywho, I gtg write my english report so I can type it up tomorrow morning! Night!

Hehe... I love ya Missa and Craig. You're both great! Hey! I took my driver's test today, and I passed with a 90! At one point during the test, the guy told me to turn right, and me, being dyslexic with left and right and all, went to turn left. Oh dear... He was like, " I said turn right," and I jsut look over at him. "Oops." That's my great excuse. Oops. *grins* I'm such a dweeb sometimes... At least me and chad and april all got a bang out of it when I saw them in the registry. They started cracking up, and chad was all impressed when he saw that he'd gotten a 91 and I got a 90. He was like, " Oh! Look who's moving up in the world!" I jsut looked at him and laughed... I love that kid! It's been so long since we jsut had fun togehter.

Oh, the old days in Mrs. Sunn's 7th grade English class. Me and Chad and Kraig and Kelly. How the fur flew!! Wicked fun! hehe Yeah... It's always cool hanging out with them, they're loads of fun! Anyway... I gotta go call Erik and Missa and see what's up. I wanna go out tonight! I'll kidnap Erik, and Missa will kidnap Craig, and it'll be all good. Brad can join us with tara and Leslie and drag Brennan! Yay! hehe It'll be great!

Oy... 5 hours with Missa and Craig. The trauma will never end!! How horrible it was... Mostly I stayed as far away from them as I could get. Of course, when you get on a trampoline, it's really hard to resist jumping around and shrieking. *grins* I love trampolines! heheh!

Yeah, so that's when I realized that I need to either stay outta the way, or get another boy-toy... *smirks* Granted, the first one would definitely be easier than the second, and a hell of a whole lot less trouble. Boy-Toy... Does anyone realizes exactly what they're talking about when they say that particular phrase? Do they realize the implications spoken therein? *sighs* And, furthermore, would they dare take the challenge if they knew of the risks?

Hmm... I wonder if I would have. *arches a brow, bites a fingernail, debates silently* As it's 11:36, these rumorings might be nothing more than the insane mutterings of a being too tired for naught else, but... then again, they might be the poetic images that a soul puts out when it's most vulnerable. Hell, I'm RP'ing, aren't I? That's enough to sell anyone on the second idea.

I think I would have, simply for the reason that I hit it off so well with him on that one day. Well, the results have shown me that first impressions, though always the most lasting, are not always the truest. Granted, we still get along, and I'm sure we'd be good friends, should I ever decide to let him close enough to learn the true stories and to stop throwing up defense obstacles every which way... *smiles* A problem to commitment, huh? *shrugs* Oh well... It's me. I'm me. I always will be. Too bad for you...

Now... I know this was done in 3rd grade for most, but I was too bsuy studying. My turn.

My dream man... Needs to be kind, confident, forgiving, wise, the perfect mix of headstrong and willing, and on the stronger side of adventuresome.
He should know how to cook the perfect pancake, and absolutely love maple syrup. He has to adore my horses and dogs, and forgive my tendencies to volunteer for more than I can possibly do. Reluctance to care of what other's think is a must. He should know enough that I like flowers that smell nice, not roses; a ball and bat would be taken for more easily than a ball-gown, a horse-thing more than anything. He should be interesting in what I say, intelligent enough to keep up and debate; arguments are good for the mind. Builds character.

I told Missy the story of how I learnt the saying, "It builds character." She laughed at the mention of me flying over a jump without stirrups or reins, my riding instructor the one who had taken them away. Nowadays, if she was at all interested, she would know I do this by myself. Dru always thought I was insane, or just a few screws short of a tool box. Nevertheless, I used to be the one who won all the jumping competitions, so... Maybe I was a bit screwy, eh? ehhe Look at the horse I ride... A pumped up racing machine without an outage. Speed, speed, and more speed... Fun fun fun!

Yowch... re-reading over my blogger entry from yesterday... A bit harsh, eh? I thought so last night, but damn! I was really pissed... I didn't even understand how much this affected me untilthis very morning, when I looked over it... Phew... It's a good thing I didn't try to write an email or call. Would have jsut made it that many times worse. *grimaces* Damn... I need to get a cap limit on my temper... Ya know. one of those hats that Zenon's mum has... When you get stressed or steamed, just put on the hat, and the little blinky lights make the world seem like a better place... Must be some sort of massage or seomthing.. weird, whatever it is.

So... Even though I will leave that there because it was what I was feeling for the day, I am putting an apology here for what was said out of anger, and out of mind, basically.

"Now, the Nameless One is angry, as well they should be. Unfortunately, they think nothing of why this might have been done or the reasons that might ahve caused me to do such a nasty thing; I don't usually go around telling lies about people, no matter who they are, or how much I like/dislike them. It's just not my style. So... To this Nameless One, I give a message: Get mad, but understand why. And, if you still cannot forgive, then you are small-minded and not worth the aggravation of worrying about it. "

To this I will apologize, because it was expressed more harshly than it should, to someone who has never been anything but kind to me, and who has never done anything but stick up for me whenever I wanted/did something. For all these reasons, and others which will remain quiet, I am sorry. Please forgive my rashness and anger-driven hostility.