I quit. *blink* You hear me? I quit. So not worth the aggravation. (Watch, this will last until next time I see ya.)
But, on the good side, I have on my favorite gray tanktop and running shorts;
my hair is dripping all over the place from the shower I jsut took, rat's nesting into a bazillion little curls from the humidity;
bare feet are the only way to sport it;
my new watch is still ticking;
I have a Sharpie card to make;
I have a piano recital to go to;
Lindsey is threatening to kill me if I don't hang out with her - I have crazy friends... *huggles* Luv ya, hun!!;
Stoner and Spaz is still the best book ever written;
Crumb-Topped donuts are the shit - especially when they're given to you. heh Thanks Jason!!!;
Granola and anything is a deadly combination... Positively addictive;
Older guys are best - so sweet;
Having a temper is not always a bad thing;
My body lotion rocks, what a good combo of sweet and spicy;
Howie Day, Coldplay, Bright Eyes, and Citizen Cope rock my world;
Cell phones are simultaneously icky and awesome;
Good surprises are the best things ever!;
I need a new C - What will be her name?;
I hate the silent treatment;
Ooooh... Hawaii. Spring vacation next year? *grin, dance!*;
My hair is falling out in handfuls. *lip curl* Eww.;
I miss math a lot;
I skipped my Bio exam Thursday. Hah;
I have two Rockets sitting in my pen holder - so inconspicuous;
Naomi's taking a really long time to post;
I want to go sleep in my hammock again, with my pooch;
Mmm.. Verbena and Lemon, Vetyver, Orange Sandalwood, Gardenia Lily, all so very scrumptious scents;
Lynching is a crazy notion - whatever nutcase first made it up should havebeen lynched;
Hotel Rwanda isn't at the library, so I guess I won't watch it;
Loch Ness monsters should be real. How awesome would that be? I still beleive in them, I don't care what sonographs say;
Humans, in general, suck. That is my professional opinion;
I love to lay in the grass and think about nothing;
Meditation makes me really, unbelieveably hyper;
When someone gives me a backrub, I melt.;
I can't believe how good I've been lately;
I have a huge trash bag full of TP just waiting to be used, sitting in my dorm room.;
The trees are swaying, but there's nothing coming in the window;
Elfwood makes me happy - I love finding magnificent artwork;
I want to go out and take pictures;
I think I'm done now.
Quotes time!:
"Ah, ah, ah
He said Oh I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
Oh I'm gonna buy this place is what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to head"
- Coldplay, A Rush of Blood to the Head
"Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black."
- Bright Eyes, Bowl of Oranges
"Education (Gives you the right to do it)
Inspiration (What pulls you through)
No substitution (Try to subsitute)
Non-inclusion (Just got to bust through)
Drug infusion (For the chosen few)"
- Citizen Cope, Let the Drummer Kick
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Okay... there's a couple things I have to. Number one, design our card. heh I'm so excited. I haven;t made a card in a long time. heh Two, well.. I guess I only hav eone thing I really have to do. LoL Yay!
I'm pondering over something... I know. I ponder stuff for so long, I never seem to let it go. Everything. Which is why, when I have to clear something up, I do it quickly. Maybe not the best of things, especially when said things involved angered people, but otherwise I agonize over it until it gets cleared up. And even then, I stand a good chance of kicking myself over it. "Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head.." Coldplay.
Anyway... The only one who seems to bug me? No, of course not. I think you are mistaken, dearie. Other people bug me, but honestly, for the most part, they bug me about things I can't change, or didn't do. And for both of those, it is simply not worht agonizing over. So I don't. for the most part.
But... When I cause a problem in a relationship, I agonize. Big time. And I caused a rather large problem, I guess... I'm still unsure how large it is, exactly. Or, for that matter, how I went about it (ie. the cause about which they frieked out, and then I got stupid). Actually.. .It's really not bothering me half as much as it probably would have 6 months ago. I swear, having such shitty people in my life has taught me how to let things go, let people go. *sad little half-smile* It kinda sucks that I find it almost -easy- to let people go fuck themselves over. I used to care. A lot. And I still do, if they've proven themselves willing to care in return. If not, I'm just... unwilling to put myself through all the heartache that caring entails.
Anyway.. Here's how I'm going to rationalize this to myself, so I can just.. .shut up about it:
1.) It was in text. 'Nuff said right there. Perceptions are so fucked up when you don't have a face, or even a voice. I hate text. HUGE pet peeve.
2.) I was digging, yes, but they were volunteering answers. So... what would any naturally curious person do? that's right.. .Keep asking the questions! Any journalist would have done the same... right? *pointed look*
3.) I honestly did care. This seems to be a sticking point. *snort*
"Are you alright?" "You don't trust me, why should I answer you?" "AHHH!!!"
"Are you okay?" "Stop asking me questions!" "AHHH!!!"
"Is everything okay?" "No. Leave me alone." "AHHH!!!"
- Note: This is from both of us. *chuckle* Truly, kind of funny in a demented sort of way.
4.) I'm so getting my ass kicked for writing this. *nervous giggle*
5.) They frieked, I got stupid, then defensive. Never a good combination. *shakes head* Oops?
6.) I think maybe I'll jsut let it blow over...
Yeah... Oy... Vey. PS. Note to self: Brown eyes are veeery sexy. Me-OW!! *wink, nudge, poke* Especially when they aren't afraid to hold a steady gaze.
I love confrontation, I think.
I'm pondering over something... I know. I ponder stuff for so long, I never seem to let it go. Everything. Which is why, when I have to clear something up, I do it quickly. Maybe not the best of things, especially when said things involved angered people, but otherwise I agonize over it until it gets cleared up. And even then, I stand a good chance of kicking myself over it. "Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head.." Coldplay.
Anyway... The only one who seems to bug me? No, of course not. I think you are mistaken, dearie. Other people bug me, but honestly, for the most part, they bug me about things I can't change, or didn't do. And for both of those, it is simply not worht agonizing over. So I don't. for the most part.
But... When I cause a problem in a relationship, I agonize. Big time. And I caused a rather large problem, I guess... I'm still unsure how large it is, exactly. Or, for that matter, how I went about it (ie. the cause about which they frieked out, and then I got stupid). Actually.. .It's really not bothering me half as much as it probably would have 6 months ago. I swear, having such shitty people in my life has taught me how to let things go, let people go. *sad little half-smile* It kinda sucks that I find it almost -easy- to let people go fuck themselves over. I used to care. A lot. And I still do, if they've proven themselves willing to care in return. If not, I'm just... unwilling to put myself through all the heartache that caring entails.
Anyway.. Here's how I'm going to rationalize this to myself, so I can just.. .shut up about it:
1.) It was in text. 'Nuff said right there. Perceptions are so fucked up when you don't have a face, or even a voice. I hate text. HUGE pet peeve.
2.) I was digging, yes, but they were volunteering answers. So... what would any naturally curious person do? that's right.. .Keep asking the questions! Any journalist would have done the same... right? *pointed look*
3.) I honestly did care. This seems to be a sticking point. *snort*
"Are you alright?" "You don't trust me, why should I answer you?" "AHHH!!!"
"Are you okay?" "Stop asking me questions!" "AHHH!!!"
"Is everything okay?" "No. Leave me alone." "AHHH!!!"
- Note: This is from both of us. *chuckle* Truly, kind of funny in a demented sort of way.
4.) I'm so getting my ass kicked for writing this. *nervous giggle*
5.) They frieked, I got stupid, then defensive. Never a good combination. *shakes head* Oops?
6.) I think maybe I'll jsut let it blow over...
Yeah... Oy... Vey. PS. Note to self: Brown eyes are veeery sexy. Me-OW!! *wink, nudge, poke* Especially when they aren't afraid to hold a steady gaze.
I love confrontation, I think.
Okay... there's a couple things I have to. Number one, design our card. heh I'm so excited. I haven;t made a card in a long time. heh Two, well.. I guess I only hav eone thing I really have to do. LoL Yay!
I'm pondering over something... I know. I ponder stuff for so long, I never seem to let it go. Everything. Which is why, when I have to clear something up, I do it quickly. Maybe not the best of things, especially when said things involved angered people, but otherwise I agonize over it until it gets cleared up. And even then, I stand a good chance of kicking myself over it. "Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head.." Coldplay.
Anyway... The only one who seems to bug me? No, of course not. I think you are mistaken, dearie. Other people bug me, but honestly, for the most part, they bug me about things I can't change, or didn't do. And for both of those, it is simply not worht agonizing over. So I don't. for the most part.
But... When I cause a problem in a relationship, I agonize. Big time. And I caused a rather large problem, I guess... I'm still unsure how large it is, exactly. Or, for that matter, how I went about it (ie. the cause about which they frieked out, and then I got stupid). Actually.. .It's really not bothering me half as much as it probably would have 6 months ago. I swear, having such shitty people in my life has taught me how to let things go, let people go. *sad little half-smile* It kinda sucks that I find it almost -easy- to let people go fuck themselves over. I used to care. A lot. And I still do, if they've proven themselves willing to care in return. If not, I'm just... unwilling to put myself through all the heartache that caring entails.
Anyway.. Here's how I'm going to rationalize this to myself, so I can just.. .shut up about it:
1.) It was in text. 'Nuff said right there. Perceptions are so fucked up when you don't have a face, or even a voice. I hate text. HUGE pet peeve.
2.) I was digging, yes, but they were volunteering answers. So... what would any naturally curious person do? that's right.. .Keep asking the questions! Any journalist would have done the same... right? *pointed look*
3.) I honestly did care. This seems to be a sticking point. *snort*
"Are you alright?" "You don't trust me, why should I answer you?" "AHHH!!!"
"Are you okay?" "Stop asking me questions!" "AHHH!!!"
"Is everything okay?" "No. Leave me alone." "AHHH!!!"
- Note: This is from both of us. *chuckle* Truly, kind of funny in a demented sort of way.
4.) I'm so getting my ass kicked for writing this. *nervous giggle*
5.) They frieked, I got stupid, then defensive. Never a good combination. *shakes head* Oops?
6.) I think maybe I'll jsut let it blow over...
Yeah... Oy... Vey. PS. Note to self: Brown eyes are veeery sexy. Me-OW!! *wink, nudge, poke* Especially when they aren't afraid to hold a steady gaze.
I love confrontation, I think.
I'm pondering over something... I know. I ponder stuff for so long, I never seem to let it go. Everything. Which is why, when I have to clear something up, I do it quickly. Maybe not the best of things, especially when said things involved angered people, but otherwise I agonize over it until it gets cleared up. And even then, I stand a good chance of kicking myself over it. "Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head.." Coldplay.
Anyway... The only one who seems to bug me? No, of course not. I think you are mistaken, dearie. Other people bug me, but honestly, for the most part, they bug me about things I can't change, or didn't do. And for both of those, it is simply not worht agonizing over. So I don't. for the most part.
But... When I cause a problem in a relationship, I agonize. Big time. And I caused a rather large problem, I guess... I'm still unsure how large it is, exactly. Or, for that matter, how I went about it (ie. the cause about which they frieked out, and then I got stupid). Actually.. .It's really not bothering me half as much as it probably would have 6 months ago. I swear, having such shitty people in my life has taught me how to let things go, let people go. *sad little half-smile* It kinda sucks that I find it almost -easy- to let people go fuck themselves over. I used to care. A lot. And I still do, if they've proven themselves willing to care in return. If not, I'm just... unwilling to put myself through all the heartache that caring entails.
Anyway.. Here's how I'm going to rationalize this to myself, so I can just.. .shut up about it:
1.) It was in text. 'Nuff said right there. Perceptions are so fucked up when you don't have a face, or even a voice. I hate text. HUGE pet peeve.
2.) I was digging, yes, but they were volunteering answers. So... what would any naturally curious person do? that's right.. .Keep asking the questions! Any journalist would have done the same... right? *pointed look*
3.) I honestly did care. This seems to be a sticking point. *snort*
"Are you alright?" "You don't trust me, why should I answer you?" "AHHH!!!"
"Are you okay?" "Stop asking me questions!" "AHHH!!!"
"Is everything okay?" "No. Leave me alone." "AHHH!!!"
- Note: This is from both of us. *chuckle* Truly, kind of funny in a demented sort of way.
4.) I'm so getting my ass kicked for writing this. *nervous giggle*
5.) They frieked, I got stupid, then defensive. Never a good combination. *shakes head* Oops?
6.) I think maybe I'll jsut let it blow over...
Yeah... Oy... Vey. PS. Note to self: Brown eyes are veeery sexy. Me-OW!! *wink, nudge, poke* Especially when they aren't afraid to hold a steady gaze.
I love confrontation, I think.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I feel so much better today and yesterday than I have in a long time. I think t shows. Yesterday, I could feel myself, and I know this is going to sound weird, but I swear I could feel myself waking up, almost. Like I'd been sleeping, like I do every winter, and now that it's sunny out and the days are warm, I am waking up. Slowly but surely.
I hope I'm not going to have to knock on wood when I say that... LoL
Last night was fun, I was really studying and having fun at the same time. Unfortunately, now it really is study time, exam tomorrow!! AHH!! But, it'll be okay. I can drop the lowest grade and I've got 2 90's already... LoL Maybe I can make it a 100... But I'm not going to kill myself about studying for this one. LoL I'll prolly do chem or sit in the sun and burn again, instead. LoL
I love when people surprise us, for the better. It just makes you want to jump up and down, give them a huge hug and grin. It really really makes me want dance around and be like, "Oh man!!! I -know- why I love you so much!!!" Just a total and breathtaking shock. I love it. I don't even care. And I'm not talking gifts, though I guess in a way, I am. I'm talking... when someone is usually really down or glum and you think that their smile will be the same, and then they smile and it's like the sun has just risen. Or when you talk baby-talk to someone who just seems like they would smack you down for it, then they talk back the same way. -That- is the best kind of surprise, and it makes me love them for it all the more. It's like an inside joke, and it makes you feel so special, even if they do it with everyone else. Just for that moment, it's your joke, and you can cradle it for yourself.
I was trying to explain why Scott's smile was so important to me, to my mom, and I finally had to settle for, "It's like the sun rising... A brand new day." And I think she got it, but that wasn't even the whole of it. It's like... better than receiving a package in the mail. It's just... discovering this wholew new side of someone, whether you've known them for a while, not at all, or just a little bit. Just... awesome.
My roomie surprises me sometimes. She'll come out with this quick-witted quip about something, and I'll look at her, eyes wide, before bursting out laughing, and she'll be looking at me with, "It wasn't -that- funny!!" written all over her face. I could never explain why sometimes I jsut get... hysterical over the smallest things, and it's becuase they're a -Huge- surprise to me, which makes it that much funnier.
Anyway... I've decided that granola and almost anything is a new favorite. Beth got me hooked on it and cottage cheese- a delightfl mixture of crunchy, squishy, sweet and bland all mixed into one yummy bite! But last night... I bought yogurt, and I had some in the strawberry one this morning, and it was really good!! I'd heard yogurt and granola was really awesome, but whe nI opened it up this morning, I was filled iwth doubt. Hmm... could this really be anything worth eating? I tried a bite with jsut each on a side of the spoon, and it was really good! So... I loaded the yogurt with granola and proceeded to chow down! heh
I'm really just sitting here, writing down whatever comes to mind because... it feels good. I haven't been able to do it in a while. I know... long-winded and whatnot. *sigh* It's just nice to sit here and think, I suppose.
I suppose anything can be dealt with if you're in a good mood. You jsut hav eto angle stuff so that you can deal with it as if you're already in a good mood.
Also... I'm slightly worired about a member of my... Well, yeah. Just someone. *nervous twitch* I htink I'll jsut write more on this in my SB. And let someone who knows me better, think about it. LoL
Now, what about this weather, people? It jumped form 40 something to 80 in what... 3 days? I'm just not sure about this New England weather. I hear Amherst has something like 87 degrees today... Geez... That's crazy.
*giggles and sings along to Bowl of Oranges by Bright Eyes*
I'm going outside!! CYA!!!
I hope I'm not going to have to knock on wood when I say that... LoL
Last night was fun, I was really studying and having fun at the same time. Unfortunately, now it really is study time, exam tomorrow!! AHH!! But, it'll be okay. I can drop the lowest grade and I've got 2 90's already... LoL Maybe I can make it a 100... But I'm not going to kill myself about studying for this one. LoL I'll prolly do chem or sit in the sun and burn again, instead. LoL
I love when people surprise us, for the better. It just makes you want to jump up and down, give them a huge hug and grin. It really really makes me want dance around and be like, "Oh man!!! I -know- why I love you so much!!!" Just a total and breathtaking shock. I love it. I don't even care. And I'm not talking gifts, though I guess in a way, I am. I'm talking... when someone is usually really down or glum and you think that their smile will be the same, and then they smile and it's like the sun has just risen. Or when you talk baby-talk to someone who just seems like they would smack you down for it, then they talk back the same way. -That- is the best kind of surprise, and it makes me love them for it all the more. It's like an inside joke, and it makes you feel so special, even if they do it with everyone else. Just for that moment, it's your joke, and you can cradle it for yourself.
I was trying to explain why Scott's smile was so important to me, to my mom, and I finally had to settle for, "It's like the sun rising... A brand new day." And I think she got it, but that wasn't even the whole of it. It's like... better than receiving a package in the mail. It's just... discovering this wholew new side of someone, whether you've known them for a while, not at all, or just a little bit. Just... awesome.
My roomie surprises me sometimes. She'll come out with this quick-witted quip about something, and I'll look at her, eyes wide, before bursting out laughing, and she'll be looking at me with, "It wasn't -that- funny!!" written all over her face. I could never explain why sometimes I jsut get... hysterical over the smallest things, and it's becuase they're a -Huge- surprise to me, which makes it that much funnier.
Anyway... I've decided that granola and almost anything is a new favorite. Beth got me hooked on it and cottage cheese- a delightfl mixture of crunchy, squishy, sweet and bland all mixed into one yummy bite! But last night... I bought yogurt, and I had some in the strawberry one this morning, and it was really good!! I'd heard yogurt and granola was really awesome, but whe nI opened it up this morning, I was filled iwth doubt. Hmm... could this really be anything worth eating? I tried a bite with jsut each on a side of the spoon, and it was really good! So... I loaded the yogurt with granola and proceeded to chow down! heh
I'm really just sitting here, writing down whatever comes to mind because... it feels good. I haven't been able to do it in a while. I know... long-winded and whatnot. *sigh* It's just nice to sit here and think, I suppose.
I suppose anything can be dealt with if you're in a good mood. You jsut hav eto angle stuff so that you can deal with it as if you're already in a good mood.
Also... I'm slightly worired about a member of my... Well, yeah. Just someone. *nervous twitch* I htink I'll jsut write more on this in my SB. And let someone who knows me better, think about it. LoL
Now, what about this weather, people? It jumped form 40 something to 80 in what... 3 days? I'm just not sure about this New England weather. I hear Amherst has something like 87 degrees today... Geez... That's crazy.
*giggles and sings along to Bowl of Oranges by Bright Eyes*
I'm going outside!! CYA!!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Such a good day. I went to 3 classes, and liad outside in the sun, where I hung out with people from my hall, liad out for a few wiht girls from back home, siad hi to the really cute boy I know, and had another one who's working wiht me in a class come over ot talk. It was great. heh
Anyway... I'm just i na really great mood. And Radiohead is one, my new love. Just makes it so much better... And GUESS WHAT!?
Anyway... I'm just i na really great mood. And Radiohead is one, my new love. Just makes it so much better... And GUESS WHAT!?
I GOT A SUNBURN!!!!!
If that isn't the end-all, I'm not sure what it is. It means it's really awesome out there!!! YAYA!!!!
Monday, April 18, 2005
The most eloquent, incredibly talented person I have probably ever not been jealous of, is trying to tell me something. I think. I must say, though I can feel what she's talking about for most anyone, I never seem to know -who- it is she speaks of, even when it is, most likely, me.
Don't you see, my friend, that grieving takes on new meaning when you talk bout me? I, as a general rule, don't grive in the "normal" way. I -can- cry, scream, go off, be alone, etc. And if you knew the amount of that I -did- do this weekend, you would realize why I can block it from my conscious for a few hours.
I know that whenever I play, it comes out. everything always does. It's like my sleeve, minus the actual sleeve. *little smile* I really am okay, it's just more than I need to do something in order to calm down. I need to distract myself...
Hell, i have no idea what I'm tlaking about. I have no idea what's going on, why I act the way I do. *shrugs* Got me... I'm the msot clueless person about why I act the way I do... Maybe I should take some self-help classes before I start telling others why I do nything. Lmao Maybe I should just get some help. heh'
Just take this for granted. I'm not pushed to the edge. I'm as good as it pretty much gets. I have people who watch over me the best they can, down here. I have places I can go to aovid all human contact. I am... quite comfortable, actually. I won't do anything too stupid, I promise.
Thanks for the concern. Appreciated. *half smile*
Don't you see, my friend, that grieving takes on new meaning when you talk bout me? I, as a general rule, don't grive in the "normal" way. I -can- cry, scream, go off, be alone, etc. And if you knew the amount of that I -did- do this weekend, you would realize why I can block it from my conscious for a few hours.
I know that whenever I play, it comes out. everything always does. It's like my sleeve, minus the actual sleeve. *little smile* I really am okay, it's just more than I need to do something in order to calm down. I need to distract myself...
Hell, i have no idea what I'm tlaking about. I have no idea what's going on, why I act the way I do. *shrugs* Got me... I'm the msot clueless person about why I act the way I do... Maybe I should take some self-help classes before I start telling others why I do nything. Lmao Maybe I should just get some help. heh'
Just take this for granted. I'm not pushed to the edge. I'm as good as it pretty much gets. I have people who watch over me the best they can, down here. I have places I can go to aovid all human contact. I am... quite comfortable, actually. I won't do anything too stupid, I promise.
Thanks for the concern. Appreciated. *half smile*