Matt and I were talking about war this morning, and he was telling me about how WW1 and WW2 were necessary and how the current War on Terrorism was not. I said I just didn't understand the idea of war- I mean, I understand it in theory, I jsut don't get why it has to happen. I guess I jsut don't understand human nature. I live it, I just don't understand it.

So, I found it rather interesting when, while I was bored and just happened to find Cold Mountain to read, I found this little passage: "The wounded Federals moaned and keened and hummed between gritted teeth on the frozen field and some called out the names of loved ones.... The Federals were thick on the ground, lying all about in bloody heaps, bodies disassembled in every style the mind could imagine. A man walking next to Inman looked out upon the scene and said, If I had my way everything north of the Potomac would resemble that right down to the last particular. Inman's only thought looking on the enemy was, Go home."

I understand Inman completely in that one moment. I just don't understand the basics os human nature, and so I don't understand war. I listened to the Presidential Address the other night and it made me proud to have a President who would admit his mistakes, and who confronted thm head-on. I know some (Okay, so like... All of you minus Beth -at least we're together, right Bethy?) who read this will condemn me, but I really believe that he's doing the best he can. Just like everyone else.

I'm kind of like the month of March, except it's more like, "Up like a lion, down like a lamb." As in, I get up swinging, ready for a fight, and I head to sleep nice and easy, docile, even.

I went to sleep itchy and woke up snapping. I don't know what the certain change of heart was, but I'm sure the talk with Sarah had a bit to do with it- she gave me concrete evidence to back up suspicions I'd been having. Poor girl, she is so incredibly sweet and kind and just so worried about him, she thought I was going to listen and make things better.

So what do I do??

I bolt, without socks or a shirt (A sweatshirt, though), throwing alcohol money at him as I go, out the door. I shoulda-woulda-coulda-think all the way to the Wildlife Refuge, then whip a U-turn in a side street and head back. I'm picking a fight, Goddammit.

I've heard so much shit, so much crap, and he himself is so... untouchable, I decided it was time for a little confrontation. Probably the worst time in hte world, becuase neither of us is going to see hte other over break, and well... Meh. I basically gave him reasons as to why I feel so insecure, and how that one fact is the reason for so many "little" scuffs that I have attempted to argue about. Ileft it off as, when he figured out what he wanted, he knew how to reach me.

I'm figuring I'm about as well as broken up. He is so stubborn and insecure, he probably won't call me, because he thinks I'm angry or something foolish along those lines. It's rather sad. Sarah and I came to a mutual conclusion- he was getting better, much better, in hte past couple weeks. I almost thought, for the briefest of windows, that maybe it would work... Maybe. *shakes head* Oy. Maybe I should get my head checked.

It's sad. I'm sad. I'm not sure whether I'm more disgusted at myself for getting into another stupid situation that I definitely should have kicked before I actually got emotionally attached, or if I'm just... sad. The disgust probably would be more of a factor if I wasn't so attached. But I am dumb, we know it. And so I'm just sad.

heh... At least I managed to show Kate a really nice guy through it, right? And me and Sarah are getting along better- I really like her, she's so cute. haha

LMAO!!
Last night was hilarious when it wasn't aggravating. We had an orgy on Matt's bed. Orgy as in... Me, Matt, Kate, and John- it was... FANTASTIC. And until I had to get up and pee, it was rapidly turning into one. Except that I kept looking over at John and Kate and laughing, and Matt would smack me and be like... "Over here! Quit that!" It was rather hilarious, I'm sure you can see the humor in it. (OH wait, lemme clarify- we weren't having sex, jsut making out and... other stuff... heh) Oh yeah... Kate's quote, "I die every time I think about it." Yes, she is sitting right here beside me, reading as I type. hahah I love my roomie... ROOMIE LOVIN'!!!!! Bwuahaha!!

I am a primo, one-of-a-kind matchmaker. John and Kate have hit it off, after that one disastrous night where Matt and John sequestered themselves in Matt's room to play video games and left us out on the couches with Sarah and Katie. They went out on A DATE!! -I- haven't even gotten a date! WTF, MAT(E<->T)?!?!? He is so sweet to her. I kinda watch them out of the corner of my eye sometimes and it amkes me smile!! They're so cute together!! Kte's blushing as I type... Or she would be if she was readinf it. Oh oh! there is it! haha

Anyway.. .Enough emo-ness (Now I'm doing it- wtf if wrong with being emo?? And why does emo necessarily mean bad? I mena... You can be emo-good,right?! Geeeeeez.))

Oy.

I am fucked up. No question about it.

I think Kevin underestimates Matt. I think I underestimate him. I think he underestimates himself. I think it needs to stop.

"Abby's Existing Situation
Acts in an orderly, methodical, and self-contained manner. Needs the sympathetic understanding of someone who will give her recognition and approval.


Abby's Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.


Abby's Restrained Characteristics
Willing to become emotionally involved as she feels rater isolated and alone. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, though she tries to avoid open conflict.
Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.




Abby's Desired Objective
Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of experience. Wants to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt, to win, and to live intensely. Likes contacts with others and is enthusiastic by nature. Receptive to anything new, modern, or intriguing; has many interests and wants to expand her fields of activity. Optimistic about the future.


Abby's Actual Problem
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.


Abby's Actual Problem #2
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity."

If you have thoughts, send me one! Linds, I know you do... And so what if I don't like cats? I'll have -stuffed- cats instead! And by stuffed cats, I mean cute purple ones bought at Toys 'R Us.


Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

Mmm... Sounds about right.... Whatcha think, maties?!