I'm kind of like the month of March, except it's more like, "Up like a lion, down like a lamb." As in, I get up swinging, ready for a fight, and I head to sleep nice and easy, docile, even.

I went to sleep itchy and woke up snapping. I don't know what the certain change of heart was, but I'm sure the talk with Sarah had a bit to do with it- she gave me concrete evidence to back up suspicions I'd been having. Poor girl, she is so incredibly sweet and kind and just so worried about him, she thought I was going to listen and make things better.

So what do I do??

I bolt, without socks or a shirt (A sweatshirt, though), throwing alcohol money at him as I go, out the door. I shoulda-woulda-coulda-think all the way to the Wildlife Refuge, then whip a U-turn in a side street and head back. I'm picking a fight, Goddammit.

I've heard so much shit, so much crap, and he himself is so... untouchable, I decided it was time for a little confrontation. Probably the worst time in hte world, becuase neither of us is going to see hte other over break, and well... Meh. I basically gave him reasons as to why I feel so insecure, and how that one fact is the reason for so many "little" scuffs that I have attempted to argue about. Ileft it off as, when he figured out what he wanted, he knew how to reach me.

I'm figuring I'm about as well as broken up. He is so stubborn and insecure, he probably won't call me, because he thinks I'm angry or something foolish along those lines. It's rather sad. Sarah and I came to a mutual conclusion- he was getting better, much better, in hte past couple weeks. I almost thought, for the briefest of windows, that maybe it would work... Maybe. *shakes head* Oy. Maybe I should get my head checked.

It's sad. I'm sad. I'm not sure whether I'm more disgusted at myself for getting into another stupid situation that I definitely should have kicked before I actually got emotionally attached, or if I'm just... sad. The disgust probably would be more of a factor if I wasn't so attached. But I am dumb, we know it. And so I'm just sad.

heh... At least I managed to show Kate a really nice guy through it, right? And me and Sarah are getting along better- I really like her, she's so cute. haha

LMAO!!
Last night was hilarious when it wasn't aggravating. We had an orgy on Matt's bed. Orgy as in... Me, Matt, Kate, and John- it was... FANTASTIC. And until I had to get up and pee, it was rapidly turning into one. Except that I kept looking over at John and Kate and laughing, and Matt would smack me and be like... "Over here! Quit that!" It was rather hilarious, I'm sure you can see the humor in it. (OH wait, lemme clarify- we weren't having sex, jsut making out and... other stuff... heh) Oh yeah... Kate's quote, "I die every time I think about it." Yes, she is sitting right here beside me, reading as I type. hahah I love my roomie... ROOMIE LOVIN'!!!!! Bwuahaha!!

I am a primo, one-of-a-kind matchmaker. John and Kate have hit it off, after that one disastrous night where Matt and John sequestered themselves in Matt's room to play video games and left us out on the couches with Sarah and Katie. They went out on A DATE!! -I- haven't even gotten a date! WTF, MAT(E<->T)?!?!? He is so sweet to her. I kinda watch them out of the corner of my eye sometimes and it amkes me smile!! They're so cute together!! Kte's blushing as I type... Or she would be if she was readinf it. Oh oh! there is it! haha

Anyway.. .Enough emo-ness (Now I'm doing it- wtf if wrong with being emo?? And why does emo necessarily mean bad? I mena... You can be emo-good,right?! Geeeeeez.))