Disclaimer: This is a sensitive topic, for all those who care. If you don't care, read on. If there's anything in here you find untrue or obnoxious, write me a comment and bear in mind that this is my take on things. This is my writing place and well, I'll write about whatever I want, however I want.

Okay... I went to the doctor's today for my physical for the track team. And we had an interesting conversation which he told me to think about, write down, and tell him back about it. The main gist was why people, or people I'd seriously talked to, didn't seem to want to get into a relationship with anyone... I hav a lot of thoughts on this topic, so I'm pretty sure I'll be adding to it later, but... here goes for now. Added to that, the part he actually wanted me to write down, was all about boyfriends, from a girlfriends perspective. What he(as in general bfs..., you know, like I'm real experienced with this...) was like before, what happened, what he's like now, and why. Did I change him or did I jsut gloss over his BS before? *shrugs*

So... First topic. Why don't poeple want to get into serious relationships with people, or relationships at all.

Well, my take on this, and the reason why, as Linds puts it so aptly, I'm, "not willing to put the effort into 'getting' a guy," is because, in most cases, it takes a while for people to get over and be even on speaking terms with the people they went out with... of course, this all depends on how deeply you felt for this person. If you didn't care at all, well, duh, you'll be over them in no time. If, you actually felt anyhting for them, then you must understand that it may take a while for you to get over them in the romantic sense. So... Why you wouldn't want ot get involved with someone you cared for, if because after you broke up, and you definitely would, whether it was 6 months before you go to college or when you go to college, it takes a while to get over them and actually become even speaking civilly (spelling?) to each other. Now, I know that one of my main reasons for not really looking for a relationship besides friends, is because, well, If I liekd them enough as a person, to go out with them, and even think they were worht my time and effort, then why would i want to go to college not speaking to this person, not knowing when I'd see them next? *shakes head* No way in hell could you make me do that. And hoenstly, on this topic, I'd like to hear more from anyone out there who actually reads this and wants to fill me in on their reasons. Email me at Sneakers012@hotmail.com or comment, or get me on AIM. The same for anyone who wants to comment on anyhting below.

On the second topic, Before, during and after relationships. Dont' ask me how/why we got into this convo, I'm really not sure.

I do think that people gloss over their chosen bf/gf's character flaws/BS before they go out wiht them, and even during, and are all-too-aware of them afterward, when the flaw/BS, which had never been directed before at them, was suddenly given full-blast. Again, I think this treatment is only when they both care about the other. Think about it, whether you hate or love someone, you still care for them in some way, whether it be negative or positive. The only way you ignore someone and occasionally give them a comment, is if you don't care. if you care at all, you have a reaction. (PS... This leaves out the completely annoying person who aggravates the other person to no end, thereby causing a reaction.)

So anyway... that's my take on things. Luv ya, leave it.

Oh man... First day of running. 1 full mile- and whoa. I'm dead. LoL I need to get out and run more... I'm thinking a 1/2 mile warm-up tomorrow, with pleios, and 1/2 mile run-walk sequence, with a 1/4-1/2 mile cooldown, depending on what i'm feeling like. *sigh* It could be none of the above... LoL

PS... That nice old scrape on my car? heh. That's from me hitting things (mainly other cars) with my car. *smirk* Oops?

((*thinks to Dido-White Flag, desperately -needs- that CD*))

That poem... It's not about what it seems to be about. At first, I even thought it was, and it was jsust frustration about that, but when I actually thought about it, and talked about it last night with Crystal, I realized that it wasn't about anything in particular, just life. The fact that I need to hide at someone else's house, that I have something wrong with me that no one can figure out (maybe it's nothing, but who knows until someone tells me, DAMMIT!), and the other numerous shyt (including the events of last night... *shakes head*) that is just screwing me up at every turn.

That poem is about life. It's about how, whenever you manage to get up, life will tramp you down. But, it's also about getting up again, fighting free of everything that's holding you down, and trying to live again. And for all those who want to put stuff in that may or may not be there, well... Have a field day.
So, anyway... Crystal, thank you for giving me a place to outburst... I hope I provided that same listening ear for you. Between hitting cars and talking wth Grandma Johnson. *grin* We have to hang out more, because you are awesome.

I feel like a top... Always spinning spinning, and sometimes the pattern wavers, and you don't know what exactly you're doing, but then it all comes craching down- gravity, the weight of your own top-heavy self, and you fall over, bruised and still. But, before long, you're up again, and spinning that graceful dance again, maintaining a pose of unearthly beauty. *sigh* I'm so depressing. Why do people read this? Lol I used ot be so upbeat, and it seems like I still am, until I start to think about why I'm not, really...

As Crystal put it, I always used to blame it on one thing, because I couldn't think about what was really bothering me, because it was just... Life. *shrugs* So, I guess we get up and learn to deal, and spin some more. Hide some more, spin some more, what's the big difference?

I'm hiding.
Leave my rock alone.
Talk to you? Why?
So you can crush me down,
Step on my fingers,
Let me fall?

Screw you.
I don't need your pity,
Your condescending tone,
Your sneering hello.
I don't need your words,
Your kisses,
Your touch.

But don't let me fall...
Don't make me cry over you,
Your sneer,
Your harsh, cold words,
Your uncaring shoulder.

So now I'll hide, in the dark,
Pull deeper into my shell,
Pull farther into myself.
Keep everything in here,
Haunting me from the corners,
Surrounding me
Suffocating me.

I'll sing out,
One day,
And I'll break away the dark hold,
And you'll be gone from my mind,
Forever.

But not today, maybe tomorrow.


Revised while I was broed in English one day... Which way is better? Give me some ideas, people... Speak to me!

Ever had that feeling where all you wanted to do was write, but really, couldn't get anything to come out the way you wanted? I really need to write about something, but I have no place to do it.

There's so much crap happening in my life... And I live on the surface. So, I don't tell anyone the shyt that's happening, and I just run and hide, and I joke about it if it actually happens. Honestly, I wonder if the Bertrands treated me to dinner because they knew I didn't want to go back home? Because if so, I owe them a huge hug, jsut for being so nice to me. That house really is my second home, and even if Linds hadn't been there, I think I might've stayed there for a while. Her parents are awesome, and they're not always fighting like it seems mine are. Mine don't fight all the time, but it's been more often lately, and usually it's about my bro.

He's so sweet... He threatened to beat up Jeremy because he made me cry on Friday. I managed to make him not do it, but the thought was sweet... I almost laughed when I asked him why he'd done it, and he replied, "Well, it's not every day that you come and run to me and cry, so I figured he must've been an uber ass to you." *shakes head* Thanks bro. Jeremy, we're cool, no worries.

I'm hiding. Leave my rock alone. Talk to you? Why? So you can crush me down, step on my fingers, and let me fall? Screw you. I don't need your pity, your condescending tone, or your sneering hello. I don't need your words, your kisses, your touch. But don't let me fall... Don't make me cry over you, your sneer, your harsh, cold words, your uncaring shoulder.

So now I'll hide, in the dark, and pull deeper into my shell, pull farther into myself, and keep everything in here, haunting me from the corners, surrounding me and suffocating me. And I'll sing out, one day, and I'll break away the dark hold, and you'll be gone from my mind, forever. But not today, maybe tomorrow.

I knew a girl
With stormy eyes and a head of curls,
Someone who could rock and funk and dip and swing,
And hid herself from the rest of the world.

And then this girl
One day,
Decided to come out and say
"Hey DUDE! what's over that hill?
What sunrises have I missed,
to find the beginning of a brand new day?"

So, I wish I could write poetry. I wrote this one in like 2 minutes, though, so I guess if I really wanted to, I could take another five and play wiht it a bit... *shrugs* In any case, I had this sudden urge to just write a poem about soemthing, so... I wrote about what it feels like finding a new day, a new outlook, in life.

I have new friends, a new "group" to hang out with, and I'm having a ton of fun.

*blink* I think I'm gonna go write in the Sb now... Because actually, that's not what that poem is about at all, but really, I don't feel like anyoene reading what it's about... Because not everyone who reads this, knows me well enough to understand... And besides that, I'm kinda feeling thoughtful, and not everything that comes out in one of these moods is upbeat and chipper.

So, I luv you all, have a good night, T3 is awesome. SB, Linds, thanks you for the awesome afternoon. Leaves,thanks for the awesome workout. And Juice and Arnold, thank you for the awesome morning.

So, had an interesting conversation this morning, mainly about the impact this blogger has on people... LoL Certain people who it mentions... lmao.

Just got through raking leaves at my g-rents house in Milford, and wow... I never knew there were that many leaves! And now... Now I think I may be leaving for a band practice. Interesting, huh? Oh so yeah... if I''d known that I'd have had that much fun last night, I would've gone to Christine's. Not that it wasn't fun, but it wasn't as much fun as I could've been having. *shrugs* Live and learn, I suppose.

I need to see Matrix 3. Juice, Jeremy, and kerri told me to watch it. So... if there's anyone who wants to go see Matrix 3 with me, Yay! Just ring me up, and I'll be there like whoa!

PS. I made HIgh Honors this quarter... 85 in MATH! HOLY CRAP! LoL And a 90 in English. Another Whoa... LoL So... gtg. Band practice is awaiting. Maybe we'll hear some more Greenday. YAY!