if i were a month i would be: September.
if i were a day of the week i would be: Wednesday.
if i were a time of day i would be: 12:34 AM, maybe 11:11 PM.
if i were a planet i would be: the SUN.
if i were a sea animal i would be: Mahi-Mahi fish, maybe sea gull.
if i were a direction i would be: Straight ahead.
if i were a piece of furniture i would be: a footrest.
if i were a sin i would be: Lust.
if i were a historical figure i would be: Da Vinci.
if i were a liquid i would be: Iridescent paint.
if i were a tree i would be: Weeping cherry.
if i were a flower/plant i would be: Lady Slippers.
if i were a kind of weather i would be: Sunny, around 75, slight breeze, no humidity.
if i were an instrument i would be: A harp.
if i were an animal i would be: Great White Shark- did you know they're one of the smartest fish out there?
if i were a color i would be: Silver iridescence or however you spell it.
if i were a vegetable i would be: Snow Peas.
if i were a sound i would be: A snort- so people would laugh.
if i were an element i would be: Silver, of course... Ag (get it? No? hah..).
if i were a car i would be: 1973 Corvette Stingray
if i were a movie i would be directed by: Not Ripley Scott, maybe George Lucas or Spielsberg.
if i were a book i would be written by: Machiavelli.
if i were a food i would be: Chinese Chop Suey, Shepherd's Pie.
if i were a place i would be: The middle of the Congo- undiscovered.
if i were a material i would be: Silk.
if i were a taste i would be: Clover.
if i were a scent i would be: Whatever a boy's hoody smells like. Heaven?
if i were a word i would be: Peduncle.
if i were an object i would be: Audio Research full-size speaker. Completely blasting.
if i were a body part i would be: Middle finger.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Do you realize how much easier it is to let yourself fall into apathy than rise up and care? I'm tired- that and writing are horrible combinations. Not for the writing so much as the subjects about which I describe.
I have noticed how much harder it is to be cheerful and happy and light-hearted when tired; how much better my writing evolves and flows when I'm exhausted.
I'm so completely quiet right now... Listening to Dispatch, LoL Such a good band. I really never would have thought so before Joe- what a good boy, opening my ears to such things.
I have noticed how much harder it is to be cheerful and happy and light-hearted when tired; how much better my writing evolves and flows when I'm exhausted.
I'm so completely quiet right now... Listening to Dispatch, LoL Such a good band. I really never would have thought so before Joe- what a good boy, opening my ears to such things.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
YAY!!! Campfire tonight!! I -do- have friends!!! hahahaha!
Okay, now we all know that I am jsut being really anti-social when I say I don't, right? It's jsut that I hate calling people and trying to get them to do something. It has to be spontaneous!!
And... I have a great idea. It's not going to work out, like all of my great ideas, but it is worth a shot anyway! I'm in such a rabid good mood, I think I may jsut ahve to... Do something about it! Maybe go study or something equally fun... *blink*... Or not. *Grin!* YAY!
Anyway, my great idea? hah. It's ridiculous. But, it involves inviting people to this campfire that have never met my friends before. Such as... Laura! And Cat, who I am now speaking with, again! YAY!!! My mom was so cute, "You put up such a good face of, 'I don't care about him,' but we all know you miss him." Hmm... Sorta true? I actually kind of didn't until something reminded me of him, and then I'm extremely sad until the next happy thing happens. But, now that I might be hanging with him tonight, I will be very happy!!! *sideways glance* At least.. As long as we don't end up fighting like we usually do... LoL
And the great idea I was actually speaking of, that is doomed to fail, but also sure to make them feel better jsut by having phone calls! Everyone loves phone calls! Completely doomed to failure. *Grin* But hey, if it actually worked... HOLY SHIT!!! THAT WOULD BE FUCKING INSANE!!! I can see it right now. I'd stop talking to them and slowly let out all the air in my lungs. Then, I'd take this involuntary deep breath and start screaming and dancing around the room and just... well, I'd probably die. By either falling down the stairs or just hyperventilation- who knows?! But it'd be sooooo awesome. hahaha
YAY CAMPFIRE TONIGHT!!!!! *jumps up and down, sings, dances, slinks abck to studying* Okay... breaks over, folks, let's get this road on the show!
Okay, now we all know that I am jsut being really anti-social when I say I don't, right? It's jsut that I hate calling people and trying to get them to do something. It has to be spontaneous!!
And... I have a great idea. It's not going to work out, like all of my great ideas, but it is worth a shot anyway! I'm in such a rabid good mood, I think I may jsut ahve to... Do something about it! Maybe go study or something equally fun... *blink*... Or not. *Grin!* YAY!
Anyway, my great idea? hah. It's ridiculous. But, it involves inviting people to this campfire that have never met my friends before. Such as... Laura! And Cat, who I am now speaking with, again! YAY!!! My mom was so cute, "You put up such a good face of, 'I don't care about him,' but we all know you miss him." Hmm... Sorta true? I actually kind of didn't until something reminded me of him, and then I'm extremely sad until the next happy thing happens. But, now that I might be hanging with him tonight, I will be very happy!!! *sideways glance* At least.. As long as we don't end up fighting like we usually do... LoL
And the great idea I was actually speaking of, that is doomed to fail, but also sure to make them feel better jsut by having phone calls! Everyone loves phone calls! Completely doomed to failure. *Grin* But hey, if it actually worked... HOLY SHIT!!! THAT WOULD BE FUCKING INSANE!!! I can see it right now. I'd stop talking to them and slowly let out all the air in my lungs. Then, I'd take this involuntary deep breath and start screaming and dancing around the room and just... well, I'd probably die. By either falling down the stairs or just hyperventilation- who knows?! But it'd be sooooo awesome. hahaha
YAY CAMPFIRE TONIGHT!!!!! *jumps up and down, sings, dances, slinks abck to studying* Okay... breaks over, folks, let's get this road on the show!
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Addictions are bad. All of them. There is not one addiction that is good for a person. In the past couple of weeks, months, years, this truth has been hammered home more times than anyone should ever have to get close to carpentry tools. Hammer... carpentry tools... Hah hah? No? Okay, well...
Anyway, I've also managed to realize that addictions come in all shapes and sizes, though they will all hurt you in the end. Take this. I am addicted to RP'ing. Compare it to say... an alcohol addiction. Sure. There's no debate about which is worse for you, right? Hah... see, I've actually thought about this. There really is no difference. In the short run, they both fuck you over in terms of schoolwork- you spend more time doing them than schoolwork, and when you're not, you're thinking about doing them. They mess with your head hardcore- whereas RP is more a mental willpower thing, alcohol is a physical fuck-me-over, but the result is the fucking same. Only with RP'ing, isntead of falling down the stairs because you tripped and fell, you fall down the stairs because you were so preoccupied in your thoughts that you never -saw- them!! Granted, alcohol is worse for you in the long term, because it eats away at your liver, can kill you in excess and pretty much is jsut a bad deal. Rp'ing can give you carpal tunnel if you work hard enough at it, eyestrain is a max, and not to mention the amount of calories you're -not- expending by sitting in front of a computer screen when you should be out there PLAYING BALL!!!
Anyway... addictions jsut fuck you over. If you have an addictive personality, do sports, drink water, and don't EVER do anything that may be harmful in the long run. Because you're fucked. *shrugs*
Now, onto my second topic of the day. Problems. You know, I think I have a problem with driving and listening to music and overanalyzing the words in the song, twisting them to fit my life, and then Flipping OUT! I caught myself getting so incredibly pissed off, because some band said something that had absolutely nothing to do with me, and I somehow managed to make it fit into my own twisted little views of everyone around me. I just barely managed to keep myself from stomping on the accelerator and flying through traffic because I was so mad.
(What a great way to handle things, right? Let's go FASTER!!!)
I jsut kind of talked myself out of it, silently, because I didn't want Christine to think I was nuts, and calmly drove the same speed I had been going.
*le sigh* Oh, more in the SB... Someday I'll piece it all together.
Problems are a personal thing. Everyone handles their problems differently than others might. If you've never really been in trouble before then smaller problems seem like huge things, whereas if you've practically grown up with them, they seem normal. The only thing that problems have in common, is that there's always a way to get over them. It may not be easy, or quick, but there's always a way. You jsut ahve to figure it out.
Why is this coming out? I had a conversation last night that really stressed me out in more ways than jsut one. I have two friends who have larger problems than should ever occur, and I'm completely helpless. There is nothing I can do. I sat there shaking last night- first with anger at the utter stupidity of comments made in temper, and then with rage at myself, for not being able to help ANYONE! It's all well and good to say that "jsut by being there, you're helping," But the truth of the matter is, some problems can't be solved jsut by "being there". Sometimes you have to stand up and fight for what's right. And I can't. It hurts so goddamned bad when you finally realize that no matter how much you want there, it isn't possible. The situation would simply engulf you. I'm sorry.
The thing is, I feel for both of them. I understand in part what's happening with both of them. I hope to God they understand that.
Anyway... I've made a mess out of this. So incoherent. I still wish I could write prettily. *shrugs* Maybe Drouin was right. *grin* Hah... No way...
Catch ya on the flipside, folks!
Anyway, I've also managed to realize that addictions come in all shapes and sizes, though they will all hurt you in the end. Take this. I am addicted to RP'ing. Compare it to say... an alcohol addiction. Sure. There's no debate about which is worse for you, right? Hah... see, I've actually thought about this. There really is no difference. In the short run, they both fuck you over in terms of schoolwork- you spend more time doing them than schoolwork, and when you're not, you're thinking about doing them. They mess with your head hardcore- whereas RP is more a mental willpower thing, alcohol is a physical fuck-me-over, but the result is the fucking same. Only with RP'ing, isntead of falling down the stairs because you tripped and fell, you fall down the stairs because you were so preoccupied in your thoughts that you never -saw- them!! Granted, alcohol is worse for you in the long term, because it eats away at your liver, can kill you in excess and pretty much is jsut a bad deal. Rp'ing can give you carpal tunnel if you work hard enough at it, eyestrain is a max, and not to mention the amount of calories you're -not- expending by sitting in front of a computer screen when you should be out there PLAYING BALL!!!
Anyway... addictions jsut fuck you over. If you have an addictive personality, do sports, drink water, and don't EVER do anything that may be harmful in the long run. Because you're fucked. *shrugs*
Now, onto my second topic of the day. Problems. You know, I think I have a problem with driving and listening to music and overanalyzing the words in the song, twisting them to fit my life, and then Flipping OUT! I caught myself getting so incredibly pissed off, because some band said something that had absolutely nothing to do with me, and I somehow managed to make it fit into my own twisted little views of everyone around me. I just barely managed to keep myself from stomping on the accelerator and flying through traffic because I was so mad.
(What a great way to handle things, right? Let's go FASTER!!!)
I jsut kind of talked myself out of it, silently, because I didn't want Christine to think I was nuts, and calmly drove the same speed I had been going.
*le sigh* Oh, more in the SB... Someday I'll piece it all together.
Problems are a personal thing. Everyone handles their problems differently than others might. If you've never really been in trouble before then smaller problems seem like huge things, whereas if you've practically grown up with them, they seem normal. The only thing that problems have in common, is that there's always a way to get over them. It may not be easy, or quick, but there's always a way. You jsut ahve to figure it out.
Why is this coming out? I had a conversation last night that really stressed me out in more ways than jsut one. I have two friends who have larger problems than should ever occur, and I'm completely helpless. There is nothing I can do. I sat there shaking last night- first with anger at the utter stupidity of comments made in temper, and then with rage at myself, for not being able to help ANYONE! It's all well and good to say that "jsut by being there, you're helping," But the truth of the matter is, some problems can't be solved jsut by "being there". Sometimes you have to stand up and fight for what's right. And I can't. It hurts so goddamned bad when you finally realize that no matter how much you want there, it isn't possible. The situation would simply engulf you. I'm sorry.
The thing is, I feel for both of them. I understand in part what's happening with both of them. I hope to God they understand that.
Anyway... I've made a mess out of this. So incoherent. I still wish I could write prettily. *shrugs* Maybe Drouin was right. *grin* Hah... No way...
Catch ya on the flipside, folks!
Monday, May 30, 2005
Sunday, May 29, 2005
*groan* Ugh... I have at least 2 apologies to make. Possibly 3. *narrows eyes* Did I ever mention how much I hate apologizing? Especially when I -know- I did something I should be apologizing for. Hah... Those're the worst. When you jsut say sorry, like for stupid little things, it takes nothing. You say it, you're part is done, the other person feels better. But when you actually do something shitty, it takes so much courage and effort to get those familiar, previously easy, words out of your system. Granted, it's much easier when you don't havet o look at them face-to-face, but even then, it's still hard. Just because -I- know I did something wrong. My conscience seriously needs to take a day off. My stomache can't handle this amount of Wrongness.
Darn. Today was 6 Flags day... *pout* It's prolly best Linds decided not to go, because I seriously need to study and get a job. And go running. And do some yard-stuff, and... Oh damn, it's so good she didn't go, hah
Anyway... Make that 4 apologies... Oh wait, let me jsut start my meter running. Who wants to ding every time I remember someone I -really- need to apologize for. I mean, I gave SB her clip back, I didn't bug Linds about calling out to go for a run or 6 Flags, I got the Orgo work all ready, kept my bro out of trouble by refusing to go partying last night, c'mon... maybe I should've gone partying... No. Bad Abby.
I think today may be a day to call Naomi. It seems like she needs some ridiculously dumb humor and space-caseishness. heh... I love you GIRLY!!!
No, I didn't think of any more imminent apologies to make, (I jsut made one- 5- 5!!!!) but I'm sure I could. Oy. I'm making this sound like it's a cross to bear- which it is, when you're as immature as me (When am I ever going to grow up?). I have to say, though, I actually -do- know when I'm doing something wrong- jsut after I do it. It's a horrible way to live, Lol So of course, when people confront me about it, me already knowing that I did something bad, I get incredibly defensive and start making enemies. *snorts* HOTT! It is a wonderful cycle of incredible stupidity and Just... overall dumbness. Stupid stupid stupid. Whatever. I'm going fucking running. With my fucking dog, in the fucking woods. Maybe a fucking bear will eat me. Goddammit.
Darn. Today was 6 Flags day... *pout* It's prolly best Linds decided not to go, because I seriously need to study and get a job. And go running. And do some yard-stuff, and... Oh damn, it's so good she didn't go, hah
Anyway... Make that 4 apologies... Oh wait, let me jsut start my meter running. Who wants to ding every time I remember someone I -really- need to apologize for. I mean, I gave SB her clip back, I didn't bug Linds about calling out to go for a run or 6 Flags, I got the Orgo work all ready, kept my bro out of trouble by refusing to go partying last night, c'mon... maybe I should've gone partying... No. Bad Abby.
I think today may be a day to call Naomi. It seems like she needs some ridiculously dumb humor and space-caseishness. heh... I love you GIRLY!!!
No, I didn't think of any more imminent apologies to make, (I jsut made one- 5- 5!!!!) but I'm sure I could. Oy. I'm making this sound like it's a cross to bear- which it is, when you're as immature as me (When am I ever going to grow up?). I have to say, though, I actually -do- know when I'm doing something wrong- jsut after I do it. It's a horrible way to live, Lol So of course, when people confront me about it, me already knowing that I did something bad, I get incredibly defensive and start making enemies. *snorts* HOTT! It is a wonderful cycle of incredible stupidity and Just... overall dumbness. Stupid stupid stupid. Whatever. I'm going fucking running. With my fucking dog, in the fucking woods. Maybe a fucking bear will eat me. Goddammit.