Am I absolutely unreasonable? I mean, seriously. I realize I am, generally. But because I know it, I try to temper it with some logic. Today, logic seems to have failed. Miserably. And I'm not sure why... I would apologize, but I don't think I've done anything really wrong... So I'm going to sit here and cry about it.

I think I'm just so disgusted with myself in disappointing Linds so often in the recent past because I just -couldn't- do it and today I'm doing it again because my plans collide. I just... I hate to disappoint her because I would hate to be disappointed if she were to do it to me. Ugh... But she wouldn't give up plans with family for me, either, so... I guess it's about even on the karma scales. Mebbe?

PS. Bjork isn't horrible, and I've regained my love of Portishead. hehe And... Little Black Beetles with Attitude.

Alright, so I feel today has a story behind it that is worthy of telling.

I bought my Beetle. The 1998 VW New Beetle that has been staring at me from the corner of the road when my mom first took me to look at it and I pshaw'd it because it was an automatic. I took a test drive because of the 3 cars we found that I would dare be seen in, the beetle was the only one to pass my dad's inspection. Grudgingly, might I add.

I was sold. Carolyn and I took it out while my dad sat in the dealer's office and chit-chatted. We whiled away 45 minutes between driving and sitting in a parking lot to make lists of things wrong with it. (Picture us parked in an empty parking lot, both sitting in the backseat nodding, "Mmm... There's a lot of headroom in here! OMG! My knees don't hit! Sweeeeet!") It is a seriously quirky car, my friends... Already.

Then, in the week after, even while my dad agreed it was a very nice car for the money even with it's little quirks (heater vents that don't turn, cigarette burn in my seat, no trunk due to the massive subs... hahah... Amazing stereo system went into the cons list, jsut so you know), I slept 10 hours in 4 days, made an ass of myself with the boy I like because of it, and... pretty much tried to kill myself just functioning because I was worried about my tendency to fall in love and make bad, impulsive decisions.

I doubted myself. "You know, it's probably not half as great as you think... It's actually probably a piece of crap. Dad doesn't want it because it's foreign, mom's frieking because I like it for the stereo system... shit, what if it really is a bad car...??"

Sooo... Today, Mom dragged me out to go test drive a Saturn- "LOADED!! Sunroof, power everything, great gas mileage, 2001!"- which completely renewed my love for the little black Beetle.

Mom got out of the Saturn and was like... Well, it drives nicely and corners well... I wanted to cry. She'd been bought over by the Saturn devils. But if it wasn't my imagination, the Beetle did everything just as nicely... and without that creaky noise I'd heard. Icky. So I went for my second drive in the Beetle and mom got to see the inside for the first time. This is how it went.

When she gets in: "Um... The moulding is falling off here... Yeah..." In a "OMG, this car is... well, it just is," voice.
On the road: "Hmm... It seems to be solid, anyway." to "Wow, this sound system is... awesome!" as she blasts the music so loud, I swear I hear my spine clattering. To "Alright. You. Out. I wanna drive this buggy." to, as we fly down the on ramp at 55, swerve all over the highway at 75 to "check steering," and fly back up the off ramp without a brake light in sight, "So, I think you jsut got yourself a little black Beetle, Pie."

Mwuahahah... There is a God. Boys can still eat dirt, but my little car and I, ROCK!