Interested, Excited, Amused, Disgusted.

Hmmm... Interested in the newest of discoveries I have made. On a whim, the other day, I looked up "panthera calanthe" in Google, and was surprised to find both words, as different characters, in a book series called Wraeththu.

Excited because after, for months of wondering what the hell that name meant, looking it up in every language I could figure, Latin, Spanish, french, German, and Greek, but still having no frieking idea, I now know where it's from! Dammit all! WHy did I not think of this before?

Amused- I thought he would be able to make up his own name... Does he have to use one from a book? Granted, he did adapt "Cal" slightly... I don't think Matt's Cal has purple eyes... though they might jsut be... Unsure. *shrugs* Whatever... The books look good, though... Remarkably good, actually. i think I may ahve to read them, LoL

Disgust. Why do I still care? I just want to beat myself voer the head, then go out and ride Dan over it. *shrieks* I hate caring about something that should not be cared about! Stupid Stupid Stupid!

Anyway... I know it's based on this, because first off, what else could it be? And second off, the character Calanthe in the book, though tanned, which cal once was, has "wild, yellow hair" which I have noticed Matt to have used in his sentences more than once... *grins* I give up. I'm intrigued, and it's going to bother me until I know for sure... Which may be a while because I haven't seen him lately. dammit! LoL

I'll say it right now, everyone, and spare you all the anticipation. Ya know that cold that everyone seems to have? I gave it to you... think of it as one last Christmas present... *grins* Actually, please don't!!

Yep, so anyway... I'm still sick, worse than I was on Sunday, actually, so everyone thought I hated my presents this morning; I was actually just too tired and hurting to care, really. It took so much willpower not to just go back to bed, after taking about 30 sleep-pills and a touch of liquor. Okay... Kidding again. I wouldn't need any of that crap, I'm tired enough to drop, jsut fine and dandy, on my own!

Anyway, jsut thought to give you this wondrous update, so you all know who to blame and how much to scream at me.

BTW... HO HO HO!!! Merry Christmas!!!!

*shrugs, takes a deep breath* Man... I love this particular song from Moulin Rouge. It's jsut so dark and yet... it soars and sways and makes your heart beat faster. Wow... It's just a typical Moulin Rouge song. I seriously need that movie. *nods* yerps. I'm not a complete friek over it like Missa was, but man... Every so often I listen to one of the songs from it, and I have an insatiable urge to watch it. And that urge doesn't go away until I'm sitting in a chair or couch, with a blanket thrown over me, watching that silly movie. *grins* Idiot.

So.. Yup, I can see it already. Today I'm probably going to wrap Matt's present, along with Craig, Dave and Missa's, then have Katie drag me over to Matt's to give it to him... *snickers* Which I wouldn't mind, really... Can't wait to see the look on his face when he gets it... hehe. *remember* Shyt. I remember what I was supposed to do last night, which, in all the hubbub, got forgot. Shyt. Oh well... I guess Erik gets his cool present in January, when he gets back.

Yep, rather glad that I didn't have a party for this weekend. Just wouldn't ahve worked out... Nopers Nopers. Well, anyway... Gonna go see what's on TV now! Luv ya all!

So, Please, jsut fuck off and don't talk to me for a while. The sheer assholeishness of this astounds me. Even Carolyn remembered to call me and tell me when she needed to cancel plans, but first off, I don't think she ever pulled a stunt like this, and second, she's not as good as friends as you are... Or perhaps, so I thought. Anyway, I hope you had fun, and I hope you understand just how utterly disgusted I am.

Yup, so everyone loved my cookies, and if this thing would stop putting up those damned ads, I would be very HAPPY!!!! *snorts at the blogger people* You 'er stupid. hah! hah!

Oooh. I like this song by Good Charlotte- Little things... Doesn't it jsut make you want to listen to it, simply by the title?

Yep, so today was a good day. I'm so disappointed with me. I really shoulda done the belaying in Gym. I coulda done is faster than Mike any day... I am so disgusted, LoL Next time, I'll try to make myself do it. I jsut hate getting up and doing somethieng I'm not entirely sure about, in front of crowds... Oh well... It was fun being the anchor to Curtis... Even funnier when he told Jesse to give me my job back because he was making the harness dig into his... *giggles*

I'm so stupid, I love it! hehe So... yeah. What'm I doing tonight? Supposedly going to the mall with Kerri and Missa, but... I'm not sure I want to. in fact, I'm positive I don't... At the moment. I'm enjoying the idea of grabbing a DVD from the video rental place, and settling down with my newly made choco chip cookies, and hanging out in my PJ's... *sighs* Oh, the life and childish goodness of it all. But... I think I may go ride Dan in hte rain. *grins* I used to do it all the time, and this is a warm rain, anyway... Maybe I will... maybe I jsut will.

Eepers. I am going in late to school tomorrow, simply so that I can make my choco chip cookies in the morning, and not have to worry about falling asleep at the oven. *grins* They're gonna be kick-ass! Yay! LoL

Ooh! I got into it with Aerienne today... Meshai and Brahma are back... And the best part is... I don't ahve cal constantly bringing me down! Yippe cay-Ay! I honestly dothink he was the one that made me quit RP. It jsut wasn't fun any more. But now... now I'm having fun! LoL

Shoulda seen the reactions I got when Aerienne made her debut into Lycos... I'm telling you, everyone loves her! I had at least 5 people message me asking me if she was really "back." And they were all soon IC qwhen she went in... I was so excited. Aerienne is back, and she has her followers, too! LoL

Anyway... About this blogger. Someone told me the other night, that they wondered why they should comment on my blogger, because it was mine and I'm the only one who should comment in it... But, the whole point why there is a secret blogger and a public blogger, is because I like to have people's opinions on what I'm up to. Whether they think it's a good deal, or jsut plain horrible. So... For that reason, I like the comments. Of course, I do understand they're reasons for saying that I'm the only one who should do this thing... It makes sense as well, but hey! It's my blogger, LoL I can do whatever I want with it! hehe

Naomi... I love you so much! You are my moon in the midst of night... A guiding star. *huggles* Now I'm off to go read your blogger. Luv ya!

Right... So, how ya like the dancing Kirbies, huh? Pretty damned awesome, i know! No need for applause, I'm good! hehe I do think that my head might swell yet some more if you applaud, so please... No! If you want me to get through the door, NO!! DO NOT APPLAUD! Like I was saying... If you want me to get through the door, DO NOT APPLAUD! Dammit, now you've done it... You applauded. Jeepers crow people. Now how the hell am I supposed to go up and get my Bio book to study? "MOM!!! My head won't fit through the door! Help!!" Yeah... That'll go over real big. See what kind of trouble you've stirred up? And all for applauding about some silly dancing kirbies, which Mark taught me to do. dammit! I blame it all on him! Bad Mark! Bad Mark! Go back to your damned physics! I'm not talking to you anymore, you Physics-major friek!!!

(I was sjut kidding... No need to get sad, man... I sitll love ya! But damn! Now I can't fit through the door!!! Can physics help me in this case? If I take a pin to my skull... will it shrink again? Please????)

Anyway, the play last night was fun. I didn't think it was the greatest I've ever seen, but the acting in it was awesome, and the play itself was pretty decent! I was able to sit through the last half of it after a full bottle of Mountain Dew. That's gotta tell you something.

Anyway... I think the only time I was even somewhat fun last night, was when I was so high on sugar, that me and Matt were talking with Italian accents in hte car, about absolutely nothing, and I was laughing my ass off. Unfortunately, that high wore off pretty quickly, and I was back to being boring, depressing old me... Eh, whatcha gonna do? *points a finger at her head* Pow. Shoot me dead.

*grins* Oh man... do you know how far along i am in the RPG world? I went in as Aerienne again, and i had so many people saying hi and whatnot I nearly fell down dead. Then i went in as loki, and only naomi said hi. Just shows how much I killed my C's... hehe

I wanna RP... Now, do I want the Daemoness Rain Black, (~:~ Wings of darkened coal flutter in the cold breeze of the night, dark wells of ebony staring out over the undulating surface of the lake's eery depths, the monsters gliding noiselessly beneath the oily surface invisible to the naked eye. Dark hair whips out behind her still form, as she stands at the edge of the cliff, an overhanging above the abyss beneath lying dark and still, not even hte winds daring to disturb the quietude of that unholy place. ~:~)
Or perhaps the Angelic Aerienne de Woodlake, (*Long, tapered fingernails tap ceaselessly against the polished wood of the tavern's bartop as she glances out into the throngs of tavern-goers, watching for the one whom could so easily break the cycles of boredom she is plagued by as of late. The glass lying beside her hand, ignored for the moment, sits quietly, awaiting a command or movement from her other equally lovely hand.A roll of emerald green eyes as yet another ignorant young one comes to her, wanting her company, presuming her to be one of the elegant whores that concentrates their efforts into the populous' of the tavern. A signal from her other hand, lying slack at her side, sends the wolf at her feet, already growling softly under his breaht, loud enough for her to hear yet far too soft to be heard by a normal human in this amount of noise, to his feet, and snarling at the aggravating person. Once the intruder is chased off, the hand swings once again, and the wolf lies back down, hidden once more under the bar edge's shadows, his keen grey eyes sparkling distinctly in the light of the tavern, before his ehad is pulled back once more into shadow, the hand still once again, green eyes of his mistress roving ceaselessly.*)
Or... Just maybe... The Dragoness Lokila Darya... ( :: Vivacious, vibrant violet eyes glance out from under the unruly mane of yellow-blonde hair streaked as it is with lighter, sun-bleached strands that refuse to get darker even with the winter's onset, peering from hte shadows ever as she glances at her sister who sits across the table from her, taking in the black hair that as it gets farther down the strands, turns a brilliant, bloody hue, straight as hers, yet as controlled as hers is unruly- an example of their each and own temperments, she supposes. A shrug of slender shoulders, one brow arching as she spots a person of whom she's known, one hand rising imperiously from the table to wave. A distracted glance at her sister, as she strives to capture what exactly she'd jsut said... Oh yes, something about the lessening numbers of clan members... A sigh, her sister's piercing glance enough to cause her to give a dark look, then slouch ever deeper in her chair. Cocking her head at her sister, she smiles coldly at her sharp words, not bothering to give a retort, instead standing lazily, her full 6' height towering over her more petite sister, long hair rippling down to her waist, eyes locked upon her sister's own. The voice that escapes her is relatively deep, the control she exerts over ehrself apparent in it, the slight edge to it caused by annoyance. :: Dearest sister, I appreciate your efforts to bring more dragons into the clan, but must we cause this wedge between us to deepen and split us apart ever moreso because of it? I will be abck, of no worries. If you are hungry, there is a flock of sheep the next valley over- and they are unusually plump this time of year. :: The tip of her tongue flits out and licks her lips, moistening them ever so slightly... :: A little tough maybe, but still very good. :: )

Fun times... fun times...

<("<) (>")> <("<) (>")>

I don't get J. Lo's new video... If she's trying to prove that she's still grounded, then why is the video portraying her as rich and famous? I don't understand. damn... she is so frelling skinny! lmao And she certainly is pretty, even with her rather large appendage. But hey! If you're as pretty, or, for that matter, as nice as I hear she is, as her, I don't suppose that many people will strike you off their list because of your ass.

Anyway... enough on that subject of which is apparently of not much interest to anyone except me. I got to see the catwalk yesterday!!! Whoop! Katie thought I was kidding when I said i wanted to visit Lincoln High School, jsut to go see and paly on the catwalk... it really is cool. I don't undertand why she thought I was kidding. The view is absolutely amazing from there! You can see all the fields and beyond! I was so excited when I finally got there. WE didn't get a chance when the play was going on, because all the hallways were blocked off with gates. But, when the school was jsut out, and it was 2:30, everything was still open! So... I went and found the damned catwalk, which, wasn't very hard at all. Pretty cool, though... Very cool, actually.
Then, of course, she wanted to find Matt, so, me remembering what he'd said about always staying after to get the school store closed, didn't bother looking for long, nad jsut went straight to there. Katie was leading the way, so she was halfway down the hallway by the time she figured out i was gone. By then, I'd already had my hands over his eyes, and havingshhh'd Brian, who was off to the side with a teacher, was making him guess who I was, by being obsinately silent. It was rather funny the look of surprise, when I finally spoke to Brian, who was standing off to the side, with," Hi Brian!" Qnd he was like, "Hi abby!!" LoL
Just then, Katie walked in and he was like, Oh no... Not you! To me... *rolls eyes* I get the distinct feeling he doesn't enjoy my company! LoL Then he saw Katie and was like... Oh dear! It -is- you! Or something along those lines, LoL So I said hi to Brian, while Matt was busy with Katie, and then I went out to the car ebcause Matt made fun of me. So, of course, they all followed me, and While matt got a ride home with a friend of his, whose name I forget, I'm so sorry!!, Katie and me played inthe parking lot for a bit, and eventually caught up because Katie drives fast, LoL

Anyway, later on that night, I went riding with Dan, and had many people in the Big barn down the road tell me i had a gorgeous animal, even for an arab, I heard one hanoverian snob remark. LoL But, even so... I loved it, hehe. She was actually behaving, too! hehe I was so pleasantly surprised! hehe And she really is a gorgeous animal... That beautiful gray color (which I hate, did I ever tell you that?), which jsut looks so good on her, because she's a damned Arabian. (Did I mention I hate Arabians either? They're so stupid! lmao Guess I can't say that anymore...) Anyway... we did all our suppling exercises, and raced around the arena a couple times, before she finally decided that maybe she wasn't really going anywhere, and she should save it for the gravel pits, where I let her go all-out. *grins* So, it all worked out.

After that, I went over to Katie's work after that, changing, and dinner at Clarissa's ( Mmm.. .Ramen noodles slathered in butter... Yum Yum!) I am loving my surrogate family! hehe She gave me a bite of her custom made sandwich, which I must say was delish! Absolutely yummilicious! LoL

Anyway... Enough about dinner! Then we picked up Missa, dropping my car off at home on the way to pick her up, and headed down to Smithfield! We got 6 inflated balloons for dave at L'il General, which only cost 2.13 with tax, even though it was supposed to cost somewhere around 6 bucks! lmao So, we made out. We called dave's house halfway there, and he wasn't home, damn him! So, we dropped off the balloons, and called his cell number, which his gramma gave to me, and fond out he was at tim's house! So... we stopped by there, and I'm pretty sure they were all stoned, or seomthing, but... Eh, whatever, Lol It was fun! hehe So we went home, and I dropped into bed like a boulder into the ocean... Flat, LoL And with a big splash. HEH!

Anyway... That was my day, and I had tons of fun! All the more time for adventures tonight! YAY! TTYL, (TIGGER!! heh!) Me! ")>

Oh Geez... How about this is the worst possible time that someone could choose to get abck at me? Yeah... i'm thinking someone seriously has a problem with me... Which, granted, is not a hard thing to do, but geez! Must you get my friends involved? Just... splatter my brains on the sidewalk, will ya? No need to get everyone so pissed off at me, though I must admit that it is a rather excellent psychological ploy to get me off-balanced... Now, what the hell was everyone saying about me being paranoid? I think I'm perfectly sane, as this incident proves. Someone is out to get me.

Man oh man... If it isn't an omen, I have no idea what is... I jsut spilled some water, and my mom yelled at me, then said, "If that's how your whole day goes, you're in trouble. Batting zero." I'm kind of scared at the moment. No... Let me put it this way. I'm very scared. I don't want to lose frineds, and I think this is the best way that someone could do this to me... Granted, I'm not fond of tracy, but who wouldn't be, after they know you for all of an hour, and declare you a brainless ditz. (Yes, I was/am upset with that, and probably will be, until I can seriously see the error of my ways and prove to her jsut how much of a non-brainless ditz I am, so she'll reconsider what she said. Hoenstly, I think it was said out of spite, as she liked Erik, and I was standing in the way, at the time. *shrugs* Alas, the things I shall never learn.) But, I certainly don't hate Erik, I'm jsut a little T'd off, and that's not even that much. I'm over it, basically, and though I'm hurt that he chose to do what he did, I'm certainly not pissed off anymore. I guess that thought process I said would take a week or so, took much less time. Yep... So, I guess that whole "talk" I was planning, over the kiss comments, is going to be put on hte back burner, because now this has reared it's ugly head. Yippee. As if I didn't have enough problems.

as for my comments of yesterday, Brennan, I was merely lashing out at the world, as I was mad at everyone and everything, and... though no one did anything truly horrible, I perceived it as such, and as I have one of the worst tempers you can imagine, i exploded. There's the simplest explanation I can give, as well as the most truthful. *shrugs* Shoot me. And at this moment, I'm debating being half-serious.

Yowch... All I can sya is... Yowch. However this turns out, I'm going to have people angry at me and I'm going to have people on my side... This is a lose-lose situation, and if you know my email and all my facts, then you surely msut know where this blogger is. So, here's my message to you, imposter:

You may have won this battle, but I have not yet begun to get up and over it... I will not be conquered by the likes of you, nor anyone else, for that matter. You will not win.

Oh dear... Now I know I owe some people and apology, especially Tara and brennan, But man... I am still shaking I'm so angry at You, in particular, Tara. I'm sure you jsut spit it out wrong, and I took it way too personally, but with all the crap that's been going down lately, I'm jsut not in a real laughable state, nor in a state to perceive the figurative sense of a phrase. Please do forgive me for my explosion, but... I'm still extremely pissed. And I still beleive that it stems from my feelings of extremely low self-confidence.

At the moment, I'm confused, hurt, angry, and because of all that, extremely, subconsciously, pissed off. I know I need to go talk to Erik, calmly and collectedly, but... I don't think I could keep myself from jumping on top of him and trying to strangle him. Granted, I'd probably get killed because he has all those nice muscles and I have some very nice quantities of flab, all very attractive, no doubt, but anyway... I recognize the fact that I have to talk to him, but... I need to get myself thinking and not jsut reacting, and I need to be able to think about the situation and figure out the points of offense and defense I'd like to take up. Unfortunately, we're both stubborn as mules, so... neither of us will give. I will, of course, simply ebcause I hate it when things lay unexplained, and I have a serious problem with this whole sitaution. So...Whatever. I'll figure it out later... Prolly in a week or so.

Anyway... Back to hte what was up this morning. I haven't hung out with you guys at all, and No one ever seems to want to spend the time to hang out, so... I know that I, for one, am feeling extremely unfriend-like, and more like the acquaintance that no one likes anymore... So, that's why I'm so uptight about pretty much anything. I hate being left out, and I hate getting told that I'm not wanted. So... I'm sorry. But, those are both the messages I got this morning, and... two for two ain't bad Tara... Well, maybe in this case it was... Caused me to switch my screen name and ignore both you and brennan... LoL How great am I, huh?

But anyway... We are still going today, we're jsut hanging out in hte Burrillville crowd, and I for one, being so stubborn as I am, will ignore the whole Smithfield situation/crowd. You don't want me around, FINE! I don't want to be around! FUCK YOU ALL! I have my own friends, and you guys don't ahve to be involved in it, anyway.

Now, who was the one who warned both Erik and anyone else? I get hurt, It counts as a push. You push me, I'll shove you right back. So... If you don't like my words, my own take on things, here's what I have to say: Too bad. This is my blogger, and if you don't like what it says, don't read it.

So, I'm sorry if my harshness is a bit much for anyone, but... this is what I feel at this particular moment. (Now jsut imagine what my secret blogger's like... This is a tempered version of it! LoL)

Anyway... A list of the thng that have been botheirng me, for future documentation:
Tracy- Brainless ditz- I am not, but I think that if you think so, you obvioualy can't have much of a brain yourself.... HUN.
Joanna- I am NOT A BITCH, But you obviously msut be, if you think so... *snarls* Big problems there... can you tell?
Erik- Don't even make me go there.
Christmas party- The whole reason I wanted to have one, was so that I could see who got what. But... Nevermind. No worries. I'll get over it. Maybe by spring.

Either way... i'm done being a bitch. Please do excuse me once again, but... maybe I'm jsut PMS'ing. I wish I had an excuse like that... lmao. Bye bye all!

*sighs* I hate boys. I hate all boys. Boys just suck. "The fact that you asked me if I wanted a kiss, completely "forgetting" (because it had to have been you forgetting) to tell me that you had a girlfirend." Yep... That about sums it up. *sighs* I give up. I really do. I completely give up.

Boys suck. That's the whole point to this entry. Boys suck.

OKies. I'm giving up onwrititng in this. I simply do not have time for it... Sorry all. I know you guys had so much fun watching it when you had time, but... Geez! I'll write in it whenever I can, but it won't be as often as it once was... Much less, probably. So, thank for reading it as long as you did, but now the fun-ness is going to slow down...Sorry again.

Luv you all,

Abby ")>

Oh man! I was so pissed last night! My mum tells me we'll be home by 7, 8 o clock, right? So I tell everyone that I'll be home by then. I was supposed to sleep over Missa's house and go bowling.I end up coming home at 9:30!! So... I go online, becuase I hate calling people that late, and only Matt is on. So, I talked to him on the phone for a bit, and explained what happened, then I talked to Erik online for a bit, and I'm so glad he's spending more time at his dad's. He seems to really like it there. More than at home, at least... though, no offense to anyone but, who wouldn't? Anyway.... I was just a little ticked off. But, oh well... I got all my Macbeth done, and it looks like I'm not going riding this morning, so... I guess I'm ging out with Missa and Kerri, and we're all gonna go do our Bio and History... Yipppy cay-ay! LoL NOT! Roight... I'm off cya!

((Note: Yes, I am a little hyper at the moment, but no big deal. I'm pretty good.))

Roight. so... Yesterday was fun! I got to watch Monty Python, which totally bored the hell outta me when I was bothering to watch it. But, the parts that I did see, were cute, I suppose. And I do beleive seeing Katie, Brian, and matt giggling like that made up for the boredom I was feeling. They were just so funny to watch! lmao

We had a snowball fight and I definitely think the girls were winning. We had better aim, if nothing else, hehe! Anyway... It was fun. And I found out who Manny is!! It's Matt! Stubborn to a fault, prideful, and completely the boss of any group he takes over. *grins* Greeeaaaattt.... (Aren't I the one who is usually keep of these traits? LoL)

So yeah. Lemme clear up that whoole Diego is great thing.
Lately, I've been watching Ice Age, and finding people who remind me of the C's. Diego is me. Everyone agrees on that one. Matt is Manny, Jeremy/Brennan are Scrat, and Missa J is Sid. *grins* I have so much fun when I'm with my friends... LoL So yeah... i think I'm not going sledding today, as no one's called, and i am inthe mindset of refusing to call anyone. LoL Besides, I'm not entirely sure I want to. After last night and this morning's adventures with my snowshovel, I'd had jsut about enough of wet, cold, and sore that I can handle. Granted, should someone invite me to go sledding, I'd say yes, of course! LoL! I'm soooo predictable! I don't wanna go sledding... But, if someone loves me enough to invite me, of course I'll go! And I'll even have fun! Amazing, innit? Yeah! hehe Roight... I'm done now. Prolly write later, no worries!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!! I love Turkey and Mashed Potatoes!!! Yummmy in my tummy!! *grins* Actually... I jsut got finished eating, nad half of my family is still upstairs, not watching the football game, those frieks! LoL

Damn... The effect that Turkey had on people... Makes them fall over and asleep, hehe. I'm so glad I only had one piece... But I'll still end up falling asleep probably. Just the heat of downstairs is enough to make me keel over. Anyway, I'll tlak to y'all lata!! Luv ya!

Yep, so... I was going all good in Math today, had a great old, highest in 7 years average of 96 (Wow!), and then... today... I got my quiz back, whichI knew I'd gotten a very low grade on because I'd only finished 2 of the five questions... And I got a 29!! She gave me 19 points for my name!! I was so excited! lmao. I could cry. In fact, I did. I jsut pulled up the hood on brennan's sweatshirt (Thanks man! It came in awful handy!) and cried my eyes out on my desk... Yeah... I think about it right now and I jsut feel like bawling again. Can someone jsut please give me a hug, and help me out in the math department? I love the subject... You'd think, after years of abuse and screaming fits because I didn't get what I was doing, I would be completely sour on it. Amazingly, I refuse to give up, mostly because I find thatit's a challenge and I simply can't give up on a challenge, but otherwise because I find it interesting and I really would like to get good at it. Oy... whatever. I'm a friek. I know. Shoot me.

Another thing... I'm really depressed right now... Like, emotionally unstable. I really wish people would jsut bugger off and leave me alone most of the time. Like, I love to be around them, and I love to talk, hang, do whatever, with my friends, but afterwards, I can find a million different things I did wrong, and it jsut weighs on me. Leslie once told me about how Matt with apologize for something he thoght he'd done wrong the night before, and I do the exact same thing. People are like," What? You didn't do anything!" But I can understand what he's doing; we think back to what we did the night ebfore, and some things jsut catch me. Then I'll get to thinking about it and be like... OMG... That was so jerkish of me. And even if it wasn't a big deal, it'll weigh on me so that I'll jsut want to shoot myself by the time I see the person to whom I have to apologize to.

I got a enw pair of headphones!! I'm so excited! They're purdy, too... Thanks Mum! I love ya! One less thing to ask for for Christmas. So, yeah... I'm pretty good. I've jsut been real close to tears all day today. In fact, when I think of what someone said to me on the phone today, I could still cry. I'm losing it. LoL I'm losing my mind, and all the marbles that went (Or didn't, most probably) along with it. Anyway... I'm off to go RP. Maybe I can go play my old bad-ass self...

BTW... DIEGO KICKS ASS!!!!! *dances aroudn the room* Diego is the best character on Ice Age! hah! "Touch me and you're dead." Who can't appreciate a line like that? Hah! Sounds familiar, Jeremy? LoL I luv ya, kidder! But really... hands off! hehe

Yep, so I'm a confusing sort of person... And i was expecting anything else? *shrugs* I laugh even when I'm serious, I only say what's on my mind, but everyone thinks I laugh it off, I am moody, whimsical, flirtatious, a player, and overall... jsut... Me. l*smiles* I'm so glad I have jsuch great people who can tell me all these wonderful charater flaws that I have. They're great. Unfortunately. I don't beleive they're flaws. They're jsut what makes me, me. So... If you don't like, it, screw you. And I mean that. I've come to the realization that if people can't accept you for the way you are, then they don't really like you; they like the image of what you might be. So... Have fun, I refuse to change, unless I decide to do it on my own. So, there. Go to Hell.

OMG!!! I can't help it!! I lvoe getting packages!! Especially ground mail, because by the time you get them, you forgot what you ordered so each and every little package is a surprise! And i got a big box tonight... I wlaked upstairs, and jsut on the off chance looked at the address printed on hte box, figuring it was for my mum nad dad, but when I saw State Line tack on the return Addy, I got all excited... Then I saw Abby Guy on the mailing label, and with a shriek of excitement, raced over to the knife drawer, took out a steak knife, and proceeded to rip awway at the mailing tape... I got so much stuff!!

Granted, it doesn't sound like much, especially when you consider that I spent 80 bucks on this stuff, but you must remember that 70 of it was gift certificates, so... for 10 bucks, I'm all excited! hah! Anyway... I got tons of shyt for Dan. And all of it is great. On thing I got for my saddle, because it hasn't seen much use these days, so it needs something to help it from stiffening up. Anyway... I'm all a-flutter. But, doesn't everyone jsut love getting packages? Every time you see the UPS guy come up the driveway, you pray it's for you, and just every so often, it actually is... *shakes head slowly* Man oh man, I love it when that time rolls around... So now all I have to worry about is not letting Clarissa get her hands all over my stuff, and taking it before I can use it all up. * snarls* I hate it when people use up my stuff... Yes, sometimes is cool, but always just isn't!! Get your own stuff!

I'm a greedy little bitch, aren't I? LOL Oh well... it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I wouldn't give up my disposition for anyone else's. So there! hah!

Yup, sorry about giving everyone nothing to write about in the latest days... I've been burning the candle at both ends, or so my mom says, after she tells me to get off my ass and I tell her I'm dead tired. *grins* Yep... I'm good, hehe. Just got back, about 20 minutes ago, from this wonderful field trip that I actually paid ten dollars to go on! Just shoot my in the face! *cocks finger, Bam!* It was horrible! It rained the whole time, it was freezing cold, and most of the time we were made to stand outside and listen to some very interesting, though extremely temper-trying speeches about the glories of each and every frieking college. *groans* Granted, it was only NU, BC, and BU, but it felt like it was every college in Boston... It was that bad. We walked about 4 miles today, and listened to the nice above-stated speeches, and had ourselves a great old time... *gags*

Anyway, enough whining. That is not my job in life, nor will I allow it to become my hobby, no matter how much my psyche would appreciate it.

So... yup. At this very moment, I'm eating a great pasta and hotdog casserole my mom makes, scarfing it down like there wasn't a whole frieking plate of it upstairs... LoL, and typing in between mouthfuls. Oh yeah, I'm a sight for people to see... And drop dead from horror. I can't even imagine what I look like. A big horrible monster with her silky pants on and crappy green sweatshirt, and tomato sauce dripping from her mouth because she has no napkin... Wonderful-ness. I'm so glad that there's no webcam on this damned computer... I would surely shock some people into a comatose state. Anyway...

Harry Potter was great the other night! Me and Kate and Leslie all went to hte movies, on a spur-of-the-moment trip that jsut happened to work out. Granted, I was dead from Matt's talking to me on the phone the night before, and the night before that... But, it was good. I particularly loved Ron's face... The kid who plays him is great!! His face is so expressive!! lmao Me and leslie couodn't stop laughing about his facial movements!

Anyway... The toehr day, I went to go paly with dan, took a few hours out of my afternoon and simply went over to he barn, did the serious stuff,then made her do some very scary stuff, such as walking next to the scary fence monsters, and throughthe woods... Where, by the way, there is no trail to be spoken of. She only flipped out a couple times, and though I came very close to being a rug for her to stand on, she never actually touched me. So... I figure we're making progress. She will be the best trail horse I ever trained... Swear to God. That mare will never spook after I'm done with her. So, with the exception of Mouse, I figure this girl will be the best ride ever... *rolls eyes, mutter under her breath* In my dreams...

Yep, so I'm excited about watching Monty Python on Sunday... It's gonna be great! First off, I get to see a movie that I've never herd anything but breat raves about, with people who i know I love, and one whom I'm sure I'll absolutely love. So... It's all good! Yay! Anyway... Yeah. I'm like, jumping aorudn any time I think of it. It's gonna be great!

Right, so, today should be fun, should katie decide to get her skinny little arse over here sometime today! I'm telling you, if she isnt here by 3:15, i'm out. I have more stuff to do than jsut go to McD's, a karate lesson, Pap Gino's, and wherever else we're headed.

Roight ... I'm disgusted... I have to work this afternoon. It would be so much nicer if I didn't have to work for such an asshole as my boss is... *shakes ehad* I hate sportsy people... They all seem to have similar personalities... Condescending, arrogant, ugh... Just stupidity on my part for thinking I could work with someone like that. Gag me. Whatever...

"So take me as I am, this may mean you have to be a strong man."

God, if Meredith Brooks didn't sum it all up, I have no idea who has. Well, for me, anyway. So, yup... I'm real glad that everyone came last night, I had a nice time, even if there were several people, whom I know did not. *shrugs* Eh, you have bit of discontent at every party, right? But, I thought it went extremely well, considering that it was all indoors, with the exception of the Manhunt game. Sorry about your ankle, Dave, I hope it feels better soon!

Yep, so... next time I throw a party, it's gonna be springtime, you know... my usual seasonal parties. I have on in spring, (birthday! hehe), one in summer, for whatever reason, and one in hte fall, for whatever reason, Lol . None in winter, though this year I may have a few people over to go sledding... If they can get rides to my hellish wasteland of a neighborhood!! hehe

Anyway, I hope everyone had fun, and I hope that you all come abck to my next one, whenever that may be... I swear to God, they are rarely ever held inside... Only for people who don't like to do anything... *arches a brow at one corner's occupants, of the room in her mind*

Anyway, yeah, thanks Matt and Leslie for showing me those new kicks. I think I may have to start taking karate again... I forgot how much I actually kind of liked it. Hmm... Roight... That'll be after I get my leg back into gear, after Dan is sold... Yes, did I mention that my mare is prolly getting sold? Yeah... Yet another great piece of news delivered to my door. Anyway, so yeah...

Okay... I need my CD's back. I went looking for them last night, and when I couldn't find the case,I remembered that they were all missing, and no one could find them. i jsut started crying. Right. I'm gonna get off now, because I jsut don't feel like talking about it anymore. Morning.

"Nothing less than Hell is worthy of man, if he be not worthy of Heaven."

"Seek the truth, listen to the truth, learn the truth, love the truth, speak the truth, hold the truth, defend the truth--unto death."

Oy... Stole these from another blogger, written by Dave someone. Thanks man! I really liked them because they remind me of what I believe in. Capital Punishment, if not in this realm than a different one, because, there is one, for sure; and truth is everything. As the New Hampshirians say,"Live Free or die!" I love this newest quote. Might jsut put it on my website for eternal glory in the ranks of "Quotes that Will Live On." It's that good. *grins* BTW... If any of you were wondering, my website is locvated at www.geocities.com/backtothenew .... Real hard, huh? Kinda predictable.

Okies... Because I didn't have a blogger back then, I'm going to put it here... I found myself thinking of this dream I'd had early this year, a dream of death and dying. More precisely, me dying. More precisely than that, me dying three times. Which, as if it wasn't bad enough for me to die once, I died three times!! I think someone really had it in for me, LoL I can only remember two of them, the third one was gone from my head the seond day after I'd dreamt these, so all I can come up with was the thought that maybe because it had been so traumatic, I'd blocked it off into a No Admittance part of my brain. I do know that one of them was extremely traumatic, because when I push the subject and try to remember it, I jsut get this nice chill up my spine and goosebumps. I can remember that it was horrible, and I was really rattled the day after, clinging to my friends and jumping at every loud noise or shadow, spooking when people talked to me. Missa told me I was a like a cat on a high electricity wire in the middle of a lightning storm... after it'd been hit three or four times. I still think the cat woulda been dead, but... it was jsut an analogy.

Anyway, the first one I can remember: It was just turning into dusk, and the night was jsut beginning to come and cover the sunny light of afternoon. I was running and hiding in my neighborhood, running down Main street, which had a lake behind the houses on the elft side of the street. These three guys in black trenchcoats were chasing me, and they were really after me! They could smell me, see me, hear me, and they were absolutely from out of this world... Like the Hound of the Baskervilles in human form. Really scary stuff. I'm a real strong swimmer, or used to be before I become allergic to open bodies of water (Don't laugh, it's so pathetically true), so I ran for the lake and dove in. One of the heard me, and dove in after me. The lake never got deeper than 4 feet, so when he caught me, halfway across the lake, he jsut grabbed and pushed me under until I drowned...

I woke up choking. I was really hot in my sleeping bag, as if I'd been running, and I had to go walk around the house for a bit until all the cramps were out of my muscles. My throat was sore, like after you get a real nasty flu, and you don't even want to swallow because it hurts so much. My whole body was tense, my muscles rigid and contracted to the point of where touching anything to my skin actually hurt. But, nonetheless, I went back to sleep eventually, and had the second episode of this dream.

It was nighttime, and I had snuck out of my house to go over to the track near my nana's house ( which jsut happens to by in Worcester). Anyway, after making it there, I was in my short little soccer shorts, and workout tank top. I was jogging lightly around the track, enjoying the fact that I could run, that I was running in the cool night of summer, when this guy of about 45 and his wife came onto the track and started walking with me. As it was about 10 at night, I was a little disturbed by this, and the hair up at the back of my neck went straight up. Nevertheless, confident in my own ability to protect myself against this one man and his dumpy little wife, I kept running, finally lapping them one, two, three, 6 times, before finally slowing down, thoroughly blown, tired and sweating. On my way out, the couple kept getting closer and closer to me, until they were walking right next to me. I veered across the track, but the man raced over towards me, and taking out a knife, began to threaten me with it, his wife laughing in the background. I started running ahead, now scared. I picked up my sweatshirt and headed for the exit, so I could walk to my Nana's house and spend the night... The man caught upto me, and start threatening me once again, telling me to take off my clothes, to... well, you know. I refused, and thought he grabbed me by the arm, I wrenched away and sprinted back across the track to hte pay phone at the other exit. Screaming, I called 911, and the lines were all busy. Wwhen I finally got an operator, she said she'd send someone over when she could get in touch with them. They were getting closer every time I looked over my shoulder, closer... closer... Screaming at her to get someone over there RIGHT AWAY, she hung up the phone on me, and I started screaming once again. I called my mom collect and it took her seconds to get to the phone... By then they were right over my shoulder, barely 30 feet away and gaining fast, both of them grinning maniacally... I sobeed into the phone that there were people coming to get and I couldn't get away, Mom, come get me... get Nana... "But she's in Florida!! What are you doing in Milford!" Mom... Please... they've got knives.. Please... "Oh my god... Abby, where are you?!" I'm at the track... Hel- And the knife came swinging down, cutting through the wires. I screamed again, trying to once again get away from the arm that came down on my shoulder, crushing me, holding me, the wife grinning at me from over her husband's shoulder, laughing at my fear, at my terror...

I was killed by the knife, after they'd had their way, I suppose, I never saw it in my dream. All I can remember is the screaming and yelling I did, struggling and trying to kick both of them, hitting them as ahrd as I could, knowing my mom would enver make it in time, knowing she couldn't possibly, no matter how fast she drove, she'd never save me... Still, still I kept screaming, still struggling, still punching and kicking... And yet I can still feel the knife point, starting jsut below my sternum, until it sank in, sank in to the hilt, a searing pain that refuses to go away, hurting me, tearing me asunder, killing me... until it reaches my heart, and he twists it, his rapidly fading face still grinning, still grinning...

I don't know what could ahve been worse than that, if anything. But, I can still remember both those dreams with a clarity that makes me cry even these days... Yes, there are tears slipping down from my eyes, I can feel the pain in my chest, the burning in my lungs, in my legs, the coldness of the blade, the fear that penetrated everything, and the utter hopelessness that permeated my very soul, in knowing that my mommy couldn't save me. She jsut couldn't make it to save me....

Oh yes... You could say I'm traumatized from it. I probably am. But, if you could see into my mind, seewhat I see, feel what I feel, hear, smell, know what I know... I think you might be, too... Oh, why did I put this into here? Why oh why?

Just got back from Battle of the Bands at my school... Damn. It was so different form the Smithfield one! Inside, the bands were mostly better than any of the ones at Smithfield, but... there were only 5 or 6! LoL I found out. My school has about 900 people, not 600... DUH! I'm an idiot! LOL

So, now I'm deaf and dumb... My voice isn't working and my hearing jsut isn't up to par! What can i say? I'm gonna be pretty damned funny in the morning! No voice, and saying" Huh? What'd ya say? I didn't hear ya!"

I HAVE A PLAYBOY BUNNY ON MY HAND!!!! Yippeeee!!! Come one come all, to see the play boy Bunny on My hand... Admission = $5.00!!! $5.00 And you can see the amazing playboy Bunny!!!

So... yeah. I'm off to bed now, had a great day, Go AIMS!! I support you in whatever you do! And Ms. Kaity... Dun let temporary insanity lblow your mind... Don't get mad, get even!!! *grins all cheeky and whatnot, and flounces off her "bring up the rights of blondes" podium. Night all!

Okies... New list. Of everyone comin, the only ones unsure of are Brad, Katelyn, JT, Lindsay, Ally, Jeremy, Jeff, and Mitch. Meagan I'm not sure about, but she says she's coming, so... *shrugs* Who knows? Roight, so, it's supposed to rain all day. There goes anything that was going to be planned for outside, unless everyone wants to bring a change of clothes, LoL.

Roight, so... I jsut got hung up on! Damn him! Stupid brother of mine... Right. So... My CD's. I'm worried about my CD's. If you get my drift, $300 worth of CD's is not a good loss on my part. If I don't get them back, I'm going to have to kill something. Just... kill something. Maybe a couple of bugs.

Yes... I'm scared. I really need those CD's back, and I need them soon. I on't think anyone realizes jsut how scared I am... I -need- those CD's back. BTW... I can't go anywhere but my hosue this weekend, well, anyplace to spend money, because I'm broke. I have 4 spendable dollars to my name. I get money on Monday, when I go back to work... *gags* I need money!!! LoL I don't even have enough gas money. I need to replenish my spendable money funds... At the moment, I'm thinking of getting another job. I have barely any after-school activities, and the only thing Id be worried about was Wednesdays and Thursday stuff... But, oh well... I need money more than I need Drama Club. Not that I've been ther for the last few meetings or anyhting, LoL

So, yup... Gonna go play in my SB now... Cya all lataz!

Okies... Tuesday night! Wicked funny yesterday... I used up so much gas, it's a wonder my car runs anymore! And this party this weekend, it's gonna be great! Dave and Matt are both going!! I'm excited beyond belief! This party is going to rock... Nevermind the whole Jeremy scene. That's hilarious in its own right. Hmm... Yep. This is going to be great. Now, if only all the Smithfield kids can get here alright... God I hope so! LoL I'll cya all laters! I'm going to bed!

Okay now... Leslie is still asleep upstairs, and it's 7:07 in the morning. I've been up for about 1/2 an hour, but tried to go back to sleep so she wouldn't feel lonely when she woke up. Unfortunately, she did wake up, so we talked for about five minutes, then I came downstairs and she stayed up there to try to sleep more... I'm such an early morning waker for school, it now carries over into the weekends... *nice, sarcastic voice* Greeeaaaat.... I used to be able to sleep until 8 or so... But now I can't even do that. It's a 6:30 wake-up call fo' me! LoL

Okies... My interesting thought while doing my hair (brushing out the nasty little snarls), popping my pills (*grins*), and otherwise jsut standing inthe bathroom trying desperately to pretend I have a brain in my head: Most people change every time they change their surroundings. Their personality changes, their facial expressions change, and sometimes they even look different on the outside. The most conservative person in the world could secretly be a big-time hacker who the CIA and FBI wish they could catch, but only the Agents can... *blinks, looks about quickly* Did I say that?

Anyway... Think about it. I was this morning inthe form of the only person I could relate to: Me!!! Yay! I happento know that at school I am known as the book-worm, the semi-quiet one, and a reasonably intelligent person. Now... At home/ with friends/ anyplace but school, I am known as loud, outgoing when I'm not in a "mood", and usually, overly friendly to the point of sickening, when I'm not being a "brainless bitch" (Yes, I am still pretty steamed about that crack.). Now, to narrow down that second topic, because the first one sure as hell ain't going anywhere, that's not the point I'm trying to get across, the two groups I hang out with, I change to become a part of.

Smithfield: Oh My God... I met you guys and knew I found soemthing that had been missing. You are so much fun, all of you!! But anyway, Ichanged with you guys... I become mroe daring, more active, physically, and I'm also more loud, and more involved in what the "group" is doing.

Burrillville(Talking msotly Carly's group, jsut to make a point.): I'm quieter, but that's because we're generally quieter; I don't do much but sit around and listen to what everyone's saying, and, because I'm bored out of my mind with not doing anything, most of you think I'm a dreamer, or someone who jsut doesn't care what everyone else thinks- Aloof might be a good word. Granted, a few people know me for the loud-mouthed, cursing, clueless, blonde ditz, mostly because they've seen me with the Smithfield crowd, or because they've done stuff that got me interested enough to get involved. In which case you can see the interior of my interior. *grins*

Okay... Now that I've showed the differences, heres another point I'm trying to get across. Even though most people change when they change the group they're in, or the surroundings they're in, there is still a base personality that showw through, no matter how you try to submerge it under a lot of extraneous (Thank you, Mr. Goudreau!) bits and pieces of personality.

So, With either crowd, I always ditch everyone. No matter what. I get even the slightest inclination of beng bored, and I'm off. At Carly's parties, me and Erik are known for going around the block, taking 45 minutes so he can take a smoke and I can get out of the crowd. Tara recently got mad at me for "ditching" her and Brad at the movie theatre. I wasn't ditching you, I would've come back, but damn, girl! I do it to everyone. And anyone who knows me, knows I do this! lmao At the base of my personality, there is a gene that codes me to be introverted- I'm positive it's a gene because both of my parents are rather introverted. They don't like people, for the msot part. It is with long, grueling hours and hard, tough work, that I've managed to become even semi-friendly. Now, I tell everyone I have ADD because I don't want them to know that when I go wandering, or when I start getting all comfy in my corner, curling up into a ball so everyone thinks I'm mad, I'm usually not mad!! I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!! I need like, constant fun around me, or I find something else to do. Now, softball games are good, ebcause you can always sleep in the outfield, jsut keep an eye out for incoming softballs! hehe

Anywho... My point. yes, I did have a point. I think I lsot it around the second paragraph, but... People are hypocrites. They say they act the same with everyone, and they say that they never change with their surroundings. But... I know this is wrong. I know this is wrong because I known that I change, and I've watched other people become different with different crowds. So... I've concluded that people are hypocrites. But think... Is it not a survival skill to change with your surroundings? So... It's not necessarily a bad thing, jsut something to notice and chuckle about, especially when you see your best frined, whom you'd though was all quiet and shyt, suddenly turn into this loud, outgoing, very center-of-attentionish, person. *grins* Quite and experience, I can tell you! LoL

Yep, so Leslie is over my house so I can't say anything bad about her. *grins* Not that there's much to say... She's pretty great! LoL Yep... so, here's the plan for tomorrow. I'm gonna meet Erik's dad, then head out to the movies with Leslie, all of this will be after we go see Matt in the morning! Yay! I'm a bit hyper about all this stuff! Yay!

I have a secret handshake! And it has a woogdety woogety in it! yay! Sah-weeet!

Okies... night night!

Okay... Got an idea cooking. How about a partay? Huh? My house, next weekend, Saturday night. It'll be cool, but not oo cold, and it should be fun!!! LoL

Okay... List of invitees... If I miss anyone, IM/email me at XxMizAlienxX/Sneakers012@hotmail.com

Tara Brad
Aims Brennan
Craig Missa
Katelyn JT
Erik Dave
Mini-Matt Doug
Joe Ally
Kerri Crystal
Lindsay Leslie

List of things to do, besides jsut having tons of fun!:
PS2 and PS, care of someone who wants to play them (Brad?, Matt?)
Volleyball (Me!)
Whiffleball (Someone?)
Movie(s) (Eh, pick a few, and get them over to me- DVD's are fine!)
Manhunt
Food (eh, whatever. if you want to bring something, feel free, but there should be enough here)
Pizza
Soda
Chips/Candy/etc.
CD's (If you want to hear something special, bring it along with ya. We have a sound system downstairs.)

Saturday Night from prolly 6 or 7-11, November 16th or 23rd. Get back to me on the better date, kk? Ehm... anything else? Lemme thing. If you want different entertainment, email/IM me, and... eh, whatever else. If I missed something, I'll update this little post thigy and we can have a blast.

Roight. In a much better mood than I was this morning, and now I'm all good! Me and Aims had a great time today, hanging with the Craig and Brennan guys, then with Brad, then with Missa. Yep... Great times. Great times. It's too bad Kerri and Joe couldn't come... I felt really bad when Joe called and was like, "Where are you guys?" I wanted to jsut curl up in a ball and hide. I felt soooo bad...

Well, maybe he could hang out on Monday when we all go someplace. *shrugs* Sure, why not? It could be fun.

But yeah, it was fun today. We went to Brads, then over to Brennan's to pick up the two guys, then over to the crossings, then to the highschool, and back to Brennans, then over to Brads, then Missa's then to Aims's, and then I went home. Thank God... I'm ready to drop right now... Sooo tired. Poor Aims, having to go to the drunk fireman's party. *grins* I'm sure she'll have fun, though! hehe

Anywho... I'm prolly going to bed. I'm dead tired. Roight. Night.

Some lyrics that fit me perfectly at the present moment:

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

-courtesy of Stone Sour

Baby, if you'd see it just once through my eyes
Maybe then we'd have a further chance to survive
Oh, baby if you'd see it just once through my eyes

-Meredtih Brooks

Should I let you in, into my house with its concrete walls
Should I let you in, into my room with its curtains drawn
I want to open up, and let you walk right through my door
Can you tell me, is it worth it, the risk any more
Should I let you in

-Meredith Brooks

I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

-Matchbox 20

dear terrance I love you muchly you've been nothing
but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive
and nurturing and consummately there for me I kept drawing you in
and pushing you away I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep
on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time you
were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself what
was wrong with me

-Alanis Morrisette (This is for all those people out there who put up with my shyt and constantly forgive me, constantly let me get it together and work it out, who are always behind me, who are always there for me. If it weren't for you guys, I'm not sure what would've happened. I love you guys with all my heart, you know who you are.)

Now I'll go chop wood like the eager beaver we all know i am... Yippee.

Okay... Wanna-be Bitchy without enough cleverness to cut it, and transparent when I want to be... My two thoughts for yesterday, Friday.

Okay, now... i have a few apologies to make to everyone, most of them for being the worst that it can possibly get, when I'm in the Spastic the Fantastic mood. Now... Brad, thanks for the ride to Brennan's. I really appreciated it, and I understand your need to see Tara safely into Leslie's car. I really shouldn't have bothered you as much as I did. If I'd wanted to get home sooner, I should've... done something else. *grins* So, sorry Bro.
Ehm... Missa and Craig, I really shouldn't have spazzed out on you like that, but... I think yesterday jsut wasn't the best day for me... Pain (yes, I really did hurt my knee A LOT!!!) and overwhelming panic (which was completely... I don't even know anymore. I got home at 10:59, so... not unnecessary, but definitely unneeded) don't seem to mix real well together.
Aims and Brennan- Congrats! I'm real happy for you both! Aims... I desperately owe you an apology for last night... What I said was not the reason I turned around, and hobbled screaming up the stairs. I really am happy for you. I was just... what's the word I'm looking for? ... Insane? Crazy? Panicked beyond anything you would understand?

Now, for all of you, I really hope that you can possibly forgive and forget my harsh words and tears and sobs of last night. I don't think I was all right in the head.

Now... back onto the rest of what i was saying. Bitchy without the cleverness to pull it off. Got to love someone saying that to you. So, in other words, I'm a person that's just to stupid and wit-less to pull of the bitchy scene. *nods* Oh yeah... I'm enjoying this. I think it hurt me more than I cared to say, because I laughed it off in Carolyn's face, and continued walking to class. Unfortunately, it's still bugging me, so... I'm hurt. Bad. Yesterday definitely wasn't my day for living, but man... do you have to call me a bitch, mean, cruel, asshole, -and- stupid, all in the period of walking between classes? I jsut want to cry. That's all there is to it. So yeah, that certainly didn't help my breakdown yesterday, because it was on my mind the entire time, because I didn't want to be a stupid bitch, but I didn't want to be a smart bitch either... I would relaly like to be known as a nice person, really. Granted, it's not gonna happen, but... It's a nice wish, nonetheless. So... yup. Thanks Carolyn, you jsut managed to ruin yet another of my days.

Why do I even bother trying to be nice to her and Mike? All they are, are assholes to me! Mike never says anyhting but "Abby, you're mean!" "Abby you're a jerk!" "Abby you're such a bitch!" And me... trying to be nice and not lose my temper, just smiles, laughs, and jokes it off. All i can say, is, I'm very glad that I have absolutely no more than 3 classes with that bunch of arrrogant, stuck-up, snobbish, cliqueish, introverted, eating-their-own-shyt-because-anything-else-isn't-good-enough-for-them, ASSHOLES!!!! *smiles* So yes, If there is one reason why I'd drop out of the Adv. Pre-Cal and drop down to Standard, is not ebcause I can't handle the math, I got a 97 on my last QUIZ!!!, but because of the people that are in the class. So... I'm not in the mood for anything else.

(Did you know that paragraph above was supposed to be about me wondering why I cared about what they said? Hmm... I guess the truth will come out.)

Right... So, Transparent when I want to be. Hmm... Not exactly bad, but... not exactly good, either. So I'm transparent, huh? I guess you're right. Maybe I am. I'm horrible at hiding my feelings, my life is an open book. *smirks* Or so everyone thinks. Brad certainly should get more credit than he deserves for dealing with me and knowing my "type" as well as he does. Yes, as you guys can prolly tell from above, the giggly, bubbly cover is my defense mechanism. I laugh off whatever I can't handle, and then fume as soon as I get in private. When I get in with people that intimidate me, I turn all bubbly, giggly, happy, and completely idiotic. *smiles* Real great way to make friends, huh? Erik, of all people, would know this, because when I met him, I was already intimidated, and so I was at my most idiotic best. Granted, for some reason, that works with some people. *smirks* Oh god... No wonder why we broke up. The giggly, bubbly me can usually make up some funny shyt! But... me myself and I, we're not too good at it.

So yeah... I jsut want everyone to know I'm sorry about what i did/was like, last night, and would someone jsut shoot me up with Tylenol PM's when i get like that? Drop me to the ground! LoL So... anywho, gonna go do wood today. *flexes* I'm really not feeling so good about this knee thing... Either way, call me when you think I should be rescued. Luv ya all!

Yup... I absolutely refuse to call, IM, or anyhting else. *grins* Don't you love my stubbornness? hehe. I never hurt anyone but myself that way... LoL Oh well. So my destructive personality is rearing its ugly head again... What's new? Huh? LoL

LMAO!!! My horse is such an asshole!! I love her! hehe Sorry Tara about that nice hell-ride she gave ya... I wasn't really expecting it. I'd been working her pretty hard so that she'd be tired. I'm unsure as to why she was jsut so much of a bronco... Just a day to be pissy? Hmm.. BTW... Major kudos for staying on. I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing, but damn! I woulda been hsaken a lot!!! And jsut because you stayed on when you said you wanted to get off, that earned you major point in my book. You got spine, girl, now all you need is character. *funny face* Heh. Or not.

"I am a Banana!"
"My spoon is too big!"

*grins* Moments in the rejected video that I absolutely cannot stand but to laugh at!! lmao
Geez... Thanks Erik and Tim for bringing the world of Don Hertzfeldt to my attention. It is hilarious!!! Yep... Supposed to be studying for Bio, but... it jsut ain't happening. Got an 86 average for this quarter! yay!! My score in math was a 74! About two points higher than I thought it it... Yippee cayay muther flusher!! Boojyah!! LoL I got good grades in msot everything else, too... All 80's and above in everything but math... a 96 in Biotech... I'm excited! LoL Yeeehaw! I'm not grounded for this quarter!

So yeah... Talk ed to Mini-matt last night... That kid is absolutely frieking cool! LoL I think I'm definitely "over" my previous obstacle... *groans, definitely isn't* But, even if I'm not (Duh!), I'm getting to the realization that it jsut isn't working and the only times I have fun are when I'm doing something that doesn't require me to be alone, or talking. So... screw it. It jsut wouldn't be fun that way. *shrugs* So, I guess I'm jsut destined to be single and free to flirt.
Granted, playing sports and dancing and all that is great, but... I don't know. I get the feeling that my feelings are mutual, as well. *groans* Ugh... I really need to jsut... chill. We can be pals and just hang out. Then i can be my old goofy self adn not worry about constantly being the center of attention. I'm jsut not that kind of girl. So, there! Hmm... now I feel dumb. Eh, screw it. Whatever.

Okay... i said I'd give you one, you perverted brother of mine. To have thoughts like that about a sister says nothing good about the relationships between family members in Smithfield, let me jsut tell you. Even Burrillvillians have come out of that century! So, anyway... Sorry Brad. I didn't mean to make you angry the tiher night by ditching you. But, you can ask anyone, and all will say that, if given enough time with me, they all get ditched at one point or antoehr, the more-liked ones getting ditched mroe often, becuase I feel that they can be. Granted, it's not always true, but... that's how my mind works.

Anyway... I had fun the other night with Erik, though with Missa and Craig, I'd have to say it was rather... boring? Is that the word in mind? Eh... somewhere about there. So, yeah. I'm debating whether to head down to somewhere this weekend, see if I can handle the road. Anyone wanna volunteer to be a passenger? *evil little grin* I plan on giving ehart attacks for free, thanks. Maybe I'll go pick up Ally... *grins* Hmmm... Time to go call her and see what she wants to do on Saturday or Sunday night. bwuhah. Maybe we could go riding again... See if my mare wants to try killing me again. I'm sure she'd love to.

Yay! I'm going riding tomorrow... yay! I hope she is good... I think she's gonna try to get me off again. hehe So yeah, tara! You up for it? Hmm... Guess not. Too bad...Oh well, whatever! time to bug Mini-Matt! yeah!

Roight. Have license, will drive! HAH!!! I came home from dropping Craig and Erik off at their houses, with Missa, and OMG.. It's a good thing Missa drove down, or we would been definitely found out. As it was, with me jsut driving from Erik to Craig's and abck to my house, my mom looked at me when we came in the door, and was like, "You went to Smithfield and back already?" I jsut nodded and had to hold back a laugh. Did I mention I was going 40 on the twisty turny road from Erik's to Craig's? LMAO! It was great!!

I had such fun, and I was giggling madly like, the whole frieking way... I couldn't stop! I was having jsut waaay too much fun for one person to possibly have!! lmao. Missa and Craig were busy making out in the back seat, (Hoover!!! LMAO) and I couldn't stop LAUGHING!!! I was cracking up! It was funny... To me anyway. Anywho, I gtg write my english report so I can type it up tomorrow morning! Night!

Hehe... I love ya Missa and Craig. You're both great! Hey! I took my driver's test today, and I passed with a 90! At one point during the test, the guy told me to turn right, and me, being dyslexic with left and right and all, went to turn left. Oh dear... He was like, " I said turn right," and I jsut look over at him. "Oops." That's my great excuse. Oops. *grins* I'm such a dweeb sometimes... At least me and chad and april all got a bang out of it when I saw them in the registry. They started cracking up, and chad was all impressed when he saw that he'd gotten a 91 and I got a 90. He was like, " Oh! Look who's moving up in the world!" I jsut looked at him and laughed... I love that kid! It's been so long since we jsut had fun togehter.

Oh, the old days in Mrs. Sunn's 7th grade English class. Me and Chad and Kraig and Kelly. How the fur flew!! Wicked fun! hehe Yeah... It's always cool hanging out with them, they're loads of fun! Anyway... I gotta go call Erik and Missa and see what's up. I wanna go out tonight! I'll kidnap Erik, and Missa will kidnap Craig, and it'll be all good. Brad can join us with tara and Leslie and drag Brennan! Yay! hehe It'll be great!

Oy... 5 hours with Missa and Craig. The trauma will never end!! How horrible it was... Mostly I stayed as far away from them as I could get. Of course, when you get on a trampoline, it's really hard to resist jumping around and shrieking. *grins* I love trampolines! heheh!

Yeah, so that's when I realized that I need to either stay outta the way, or get another boy-toy... *smirks* Granted, the first one would definitely be easier than the second, and a hell of a whole lot less trouble. Boy-Toy... Does anyone realizes exactly what they're talking about when they say that particular phrase? Do they realize the implications spoken therein? *sighs* And, furthermore, would they dare take the challenge if they knew of the risks?

Hmm... I wonder if I would have. *arches a brow, bites a fingernail, debates silently* As it's 11:36, these rumorings might be nothing more than the insane mutterings of a being too tired for naught else, but... then again, they might be the poetic images that a soul puts out when it's most vulnerable. Hell, I'm RP'ing, aren't I? That's enough to sell anyone on the second idea.

I think I would have, simply for the reason that I hit it off so well with him on that one day. Well, the results have shown me that first impressions, though always the most lasting, are not always the truest. Granted, we still get along, and I'm sure we'd be good friends, should I ever decide to let him close enough to learn the true stories and to stop throwing up defense obstacles every which way... *smiles* A problem to commitment, huh? *shrugs* Oh well... It's me. I'm me. I always will be. Too bad for you...

Now... I know this was done in 3rd grade for most, but I was too bsuy studying. My turn.

My dream man... Needs to be kind, confident, forgiving, wise, the perfect mix of headstrong and willing, and on the stronger side of adventuresome.
He should know how to cook the perfect pancake, and absolutely love maple syrup. He has to adore my horses and dogs, and forgive my tendencies to volunteer for more than I can possibly do. Reluctance to care of what other's think is a must. He should know enough that I like flowers that smell nice, not roses; a ball and bat would be taken for more easily than a ball-gown, a horse-thing more than anything. He should be interesting in what I say, intelligent enough to keep up and debate; arguments are good for the mind. Builds character.

I told Missy the story of how I learnt the saying, "It builds character." She laughed at the mention of me flying over a jump without stirrups or reins, my riding instructor the one who had taken them away. Nowadays, if she was at all interested, she would know I do this by myself. Dru always thought I was insane, or just a few screws short of a tool box. Nevertheless, I used to be the one who won all the jumping competitions, so... Maybe I was a bit screwy, eh? ehhe Look at the horse I ride... A pumped up racing machine without an outage. Speed, speed, and more speed... Fun fun fun!

Yowch... re-reading over my blogger entry from yesterday... A bit harsh, eh? I thought so last night, but damn! I was really pissed... I didn't even understand how much this affected me untilthis very morning, when I looked over it... Phew... It's a good thing I didn't try to write an email or call. Would have jsut made it that many times worse. *grimaces* Damn... I need to get a cap limit on my temper... Ya know. one of those hats that Zenon's mum has... When you get stressed or steamed, just put on the hat, and the little blinky lights make the world seem like a better place... Must be some sort of massage or seomthing.. weird, whatever it is.

So... Even though I will leave that there because it was what I was feeling for the day, I am putting an apology here for what was said out of anger, and out of mind, basically.

"Now, the Nameless One is angry, as well they should be. Unfortunately, they think nothing of why this might have been done or the reasons that might ahve caused me to do such a nasty thing; I don't usually go around telling lies about people, no matter who they are, or how much I like/dislike them. It's just not my style. So... To this Nameless One, I give a message: Get mad, but understand why. And, if you still cannot forgive, then you are small-minded and not worth the aggravation of worrying about it. "

To this I will apologize, because it was expressed more harshly than it should, to someone who has never been anything but kind to me, and who has never done anything but stick up for me whenever I wanted/did something. For all these reasons, and others which will remain quiet, I am sorry. Please forgive my rashness and anger-driven hostility.

Lessons, lessons... I refuse to write and email, or even think about it.

Okay, so... If someone lies about you to someone else, is it not correct that technically, you should be able to lie about them to that same person? HAH!

*grins* Let me tell you a story
of a girl named Abby,
and the trials contained therein.

Someone who shall remain nameless, because they know who they are, told a lie about me that was inconsequential and usually I wouldn't care. Unfortunately, I'd also heard that this person told several other such lies to/about me, which I had shrugged off, uncaring. But... this last lie, now that was for pure self-benefit and had absolutely no basis in truth whereas the others might have, no matter how miniscule it was. So, in other words, it was this lie that finally broke me down and made me angry.

*smiles* Me being me, a perpetual equalizer, I decided it was time to give this nameless person a taste of their own medicine. So... I told a lie that was fortunately, based in truth (even if it was all in my own head), to a person who kept in touch with the nameless one, a person who I knew would pass the message on to the nameless One. And so it occurred. The message was passed, the Nameless One got it.

Now, the Nameless One is angry, as well they should be. Unfortunately, they think nothing of why this might have been done or the reasons that might ahve caused me to do such a nasty thing; I don't usually go around telling lies about people, no matter who they are, or how much I like/dislike them. It's just not my style. So... To this Nameless One, I give a message: Get mad, but understand why. And, if you still cannot forgive, then you are small-minded and not worth the aggravation of worrying about it.

On a more personal note... Yes, I do worry about this issue, as it might upset a friendship I value, but no, I will not be the brunt of lies and manipulation. So... Take it as you like, and call me when you have a settlement, or a decision- either way, I would like to be notified. Good night!

HAH!! Brie... I love you girly!!! You are so frieking cool, I can't stand it! Why can't I be that cool? Huh? LoL Man... I love meeting new people, or getting to know old acquaintances better. It's a blast! And Tara went out with Dave? I knew she went out with A Dave... but which dave is was, was beyond me... That's so funny!! hehe But... hah. *chuckles* I need to call and yell now... It's time, hehe

*arches brow* I really hope that some people realize jsut how pissy I am right now... Brie thinks this stuff jsut glances off, and I take it all in stride. I do, but damn... I remember shyt said about me. Arrogant!? Of course! How dare they think I'm not! LoL I am the sweetest of bitches out there... simply ebcause my brain doesn't work fast enough for me to be a nasty bitch. LoL Need to talk to Brad. Time to call him and see what's up. And then it's backto Mr. Burmy... I need answers. I'm going to get them tonight. *smiles* Night!

Oy... Running away from home. I miss the good ole days, when you didn't need to worry about strangers picking you up in the middle of the night and stealing you away from everything and everyone. hah. We still needed to worry about it, jsut not as much as we need now.

Either way. I was reminded of a subject that I had been hoping to express my feelings about earlier this year, today. Natural Disasters. So... Welcome to my world.
Do animals know when natural disasters are going to happen? I mean, I know Burrillville had a minor earthquake earlier this year, September or thereabouts, and on that very morning, jsut before I felt the floor start to shake, my dog was barking at it. Hmm... Intersting. Is it like dogs that bark supposedly, when ghosts or supernatural beings come around? Makes you wonder why, if all supernatural beings' stories are false, why the dogs always bark... Common links make me wonder.

Roight. Halloween's tomorrow. I'm trying to figure out what's up, but at the moment, I'm clueless. *sighs* I need a ride one way, and something to do between times... It's all so confusing. I'm jsut gonna call Erik and see what's up on his end, then I'll get to missa and see what she's got cooking. *rolls eyes* Though I do beleive that the Spanish group over her house will have her whole attention... Minus me, of course. *snarls* My mummy said no fun today, because I'm still "sick." Granted, I will still be feeling not so well tomorrow, but I refuse to miss out on treats and tricking... hehe And besides, I'm not contagious anymore, just not feeling up to par. So... I'll be out there in the mobs, prolly wondeirng why the hell I'm doing it, but... Oh well. LoL.

Roight. I'm sick, sick sick! LoL I fell asleep today during the two hour period that I usually talk to Brad when I stay home... and then woke up just in time for nothing to be on TV. Typical. *grins* I love my luck

Yeah... supposed to be at Missa's right now, but she told me not to bother when she realized jsut what was up. She didn't want a Barf-fest at her house, LoL Brennan, I gotta give you some kudos for that phrase... Kick-butt! LoL

I ran away from home once, with my suitcase and my yellow blanket wrapped around my neck. I then took off down hte road, and actually made it a good mile before my dad's friend picked me up at the side of the road and brought me back home... Maybe I am lucky, huh? I remember what my excuse was, too, for running away. I was going for easter egg paint... in the middle of October at 1:30 in the morning. *shakes head* Funny thing is, I look out the window now at 10 pm, and blink, wondeirng how, as a five year old, I braved the darkness and coyotes, and now that I'm 16, I'm desperately afraid of the dark. Real frelling hilarious, huh? LoL j/k

*sighs* Okay... My bum has hurt all day because of the muscle aches that you get with this sick-bug, and thank god, stupid me finally remembered to take some flu meds, so now it doesn't hurt anymore... LoL

But, I took night-times, so... I'm gonna be zonked out in minutes. I remember once when I was talking to Brad after having taken these things, and he was astounded that I managed to make some sense an hour and a half after I took them... Whatever... I'm going to bed... Tired, unwanting to die, jsut yet... No extoplasmic gun, Craig, please... I'm already dead. Give it up.


*sings along to Meredith Brooks*
"Yestreday you saw me cry... Must've been glad to see the soft side.
I'm a bitch I'm a lover.
I'm a child I'm a mother.
I'm a sinner I'm a saint.
I do not feel ashamed."
"Tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing."
"I'm your hell, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between.
You know you wouldn't want it any other way. "
"So take me as I am, this may mean you have to be a stronger man."

Wow... Ally hasn't ridden in 2 months and more. That's not good. She's the one by which I judge my own riding times by. But, at least she finally told Dru to stuff it and do her own frieking chores... I'm very proud of the girl, Very proud! Go Ally! All the more power to ya!

*sighs* More Erik-ness. Yes, I ran into a dilemma today, but yes, I reufse to talk about it. Check in secret blogger. Oh wait!! Notice the key word there, S-E-C-R-E-T... As in, no one else knows about it. *grins*

Anyway, I went to work, had a rather boring afternoon, except for the whole dilemma part, and now more questions that I have to ask his Burmyness, that I decided to hold off, ebcause I needed to think. So... yeah. I'm jsut about done now.

Eh... right. Gotta go call Ally now. Dun bother me!

*pouts* My hands hurt. My mummy kissed them, but they still hurt.

Tired.

Going to bed.

Grounded. Doncha jsut love that word? Now I know what Missa feels like. Every other day, I hear it. "Grounded." Just figures. *shrugs* Hey, ya know? There's absolutely nothing I can do about it, and even if there was, I wouldn't. They really did owe me that groundation from Wednesday, and I got off. So, even if I'm not owed it for last night (which, technically, I -can- see their point... sort of.), I am still owed one. So... Maybe this one will be for real, and I won't know that I can skip groundings every time that it happens to me, so I will take them seriously. *rolls eyes* Fat Chance.

I get my license in a week! Yay! 7 whole days, granted, but... we're getting closer! And after I get it (Hopefully I will pass... *crosses finger*) I'm going out. I don't care where, I'm just going out. Taking the girls and heading for the biggest event that's happening at that time. (Anyone else know that this will not happen? Besides me, of course?) Eh, maybe I'll just go to the barn and play with Dan an extra day that week. Just me and the girl, hanging out, having fun. I like the sound of that idea... Anyone else? Nope, didn't think so! Anywho...

Halloween night... Trick or Treating!!! I cannot wait! Excitement! Excitement! LoL Gonna get tons of candy, fill up some pillowcases and have a grand ole time doing it! Yay! So... yeah. *blinks*

So...yeah. I can't think of anything else to spout off about... Gimme ten minutes. I'll get my spouting powers back. Standing on a mountain peak in the middle of a blizzard, naked. *grins* There is at elast one person out there who should know what I'm tlaking about, lmao!
I really do wonder though... How long would it take for you to freeze to death? Would you be frozen so fast that you could be like... those ice age people who they're thinking of cloning? Could be kind of neat, because by the time they'd find you, most probably, it would be 50 or a 100 years from now, and cloning technologies would prolly be perfected. *arches a brow* Now -that- would be a bit friekish.

Hi. My name is Abby Guy, I live on Black Hut Rd. What!? There's two layers of houses on where!? There is no RI? There is no USA!? We nuked it 40 years ago in the war with -------!? WTF!!!

Yeah... I'm pretty sure it would be a bit friekish.. Unless of course, you had absolutely no idea who you were, and jsut kinda... came out with the same physical features. *shrugs* Eh, who knows? I'm not the cloning expert in the family... More into Ebola, thanks!

Okay... I'm really confused... Like, really confused. When Erik and Craig came to the dance last night, it was so bad! I saw how many people were there, and inside my head, all I could see was a picture of Felix the cat with my face, and my jaw dropping to my knees. It was that bad. There had to have been no more than 12 people, and 4 of them were little girls. The other 8 were about an equal mix of Missa and people I knew, and her parents and the people running the dance. So, my car brought three, and now there were no more than 15, of which there was included in this melting pot: Missa, Charlene, Aimee, Greg (from smithfield), Me, Craig, Erik, and later, about an hour later, Mike and Corey. Let's just say that it surprised me in the amount of fun that you could have with that few of people. I went bush-hopping, and made some kid lose his shoe for about an hour... Let's jsut say that I don't think he was too happy with me.

Then we all went to my house, and there's where it got confusing. Craig and Missa I can understand, but jeez! Why was my brother getting beat up by Erik the whole night for beating on me? Granted, i can play the damsel in Distress role to a "T", but even so... That worked better than I thought it would!! *mischievous little grin* Actually, it felt really good to not have to defend myself against flying pillows, and shoes and whatever else he was throwing in my direction. Having guy frineds can really be a big Plus. *grins* Especially guys with very strong muscles who can beat the crap out of your little brother, and other tormentors... CRAIG!!! Luv ya Erik!

Yuck... I need to jsut shave my head this morning. That hair spray ruined my poor, poor hair... *cries* I hate using hairspray! And Craig's still got my skirt, while I have his PJ pants. I really would ahve given them back... I jsut forgot. Sorry, man... I didn't mean it...

Yay! I get to go out to haunted houses tonight! Yee-haw! My mummy said she could prolly loan me money so long as I paid her back with my next paycheck... I'm excited! But... my feet at cold. Time to get my blue fuzzy slippers... *pad pad pad upthe stairway, creep down the hall... into my closet, thrid shelf up, and... back!* Yay... Now I'm not so cold! whoop! hehe

Okies... talk later. Bye byes!

Yay! I'm going out tonight with my fav peoples, minus one, and all of them are gonna be dressed up!! I'm going as the ultimate 80's skank... LMAO! It's gonna be great. Erik better be Skater Boy, and Craig is going in his PJ';s. *grins* Missa and Charlene are being princess'... I'm excited.
Granted, this dance is gonna stink big time, but... maybe it might be fun jsut hanging, LoL

Geez... Missa, can you possibly be any more silly... You actually thought I talked about you in here? Bad stuff, anyway? Hmm... *snickers* You know that Missy girl, she is such a big ole meanie head! Nope... Too Ashleigh sounding. Eh, whatever. I luv ya girl!! Get it through yer skull! LoL

Eh, right... Not grounded for this weekend, but gotta get around to calling brad and telling him that I can't make it on Saturday because of a distinct lack in funding. Eh, whatcha gonna do, eh? Well, I for one, am going out to he movies, and chilling with my pals. *grins* Abby-normal is here to stay!

*quivers* Sorry Erik... Dinna mean to make it sound so bad... But I was kinda pissed. *grins* I am my father's daughter. Over-reactive, quick-to-conclusions, stomping, snorting, judgemental me! LoL Aren't you glad that you know that now? Couple more reasons to throw me to the alligators! *blinks, looks sideways* Eh... Did I jsut say that? -.- ~.^ Roight. I'm supposed to be working on my webpage. But... I jsut had to say this, because I felt bad about it, and I'm sorry. And... when I next see you, I'll prolly deny everything, so take it while you can. *grins* Did I mention pig-headed and cute and completely insane?

Yeah... Got home at 11, so I'm pretty much grounded for this weekend. *snarls* Damn Craig. Either way, gotta get my money from Erik, jsut on the off chance that I might be going this weekend, and either way, I need it for tonight. Food plays a major part in what an Abby does on her off-time, and this Abby is STARVING!!!

Roight, so... Remind me that the next time I see Craig, to beat the crap out of him. That asshole brought us home some way that was so frieking long, that it woulda been easier to jsut travel to China and back. Either way... Dun't matter, I don't care. He's jsut going to get kicked around a few times... LoL

The movie was so funny last night! Crystal was doing a great running commentary, and I couldn't stop laughing... The gremlin swinging from the ceuiling fan was definitely one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie. (*sings along to Hands by Jewel*) And I've decided that I'm going to get a BHS sweatshirt, jsut because the SHS people made me jealous with all their silly sweatshirts... hehe

Me and Dan had a great time, but man oh man, is she out of shape! Started sweating before I'd even gotten done lunging her! Hehe... I'm looking up explosives for my brother... How much fun can you have? I now know how to make a Molotov Cocktail, and several other jsut as fun little devious toys. Neato!

Anything else? Well, besides the obvious,nothing much... Except for these weird little blackouts that happen to me, when my brain wakes up, and I find these weird little drawings all over my notebooks- eyes and faces. That's all it ever is. Eyes and faces. They all look the same, they all have slanted, cat-like eyes... And it's frieking me out. A lot. So... Watch out for them little faces, huh? LoL Eh, Whatever... hehe If I disappear in the near future, watch the slanted eyed creeps... hehe

Codie is stilll in the hospital, and though his fever is down to about normal range, he isn't doing as well as we'd hoped because he's an older dog, and because he ate quite a bit of them... *shakes head* God, I hope he gets outta this alive.

Yeah... I'm a bit confused. Erik tells me to go to the movies on Wednesday at his school, then tells me he's going with Alicia. Note the puzzled look on my face. Granted, i know we're over, and this girl's had her hooks in him for awhile, but man! You ask someone to go someplace, you really shouldn't invite someone else, so the first person can feel like the 5th wheel. *rolls eyes* Dipshit. can we tell that Abby is not happy with these new "revelations"? *snaps teeth* So, I'm ready to just say no. Not getting out of work till 7, anyway, I'm going to be late, miss the first part of the movie, what, exactly, is the point of going? And why did I jsut tell him that we're going? *tapes a sign on her desk, reads: Pound head on desk once for stupidity, twice for frustration, and 20 for both... proceeds to pound away*

Anyway... Yeah. I'm going riding tomorrow. Gonna work with the bitch until I can't feel my thighs, my abs are hurting enough to make me pass out, and she's lathered into a good sweat. (Granted, she's so frieking hyper, it should take about 5 minutes for all this to happen. *grins* I love my horsey!) With Crystal coming, I can go for a trail ride, short and sweet, and get my mind off other, more piss-antish things... Erik, Codie, miscellaneous...

BTW... Thank you very much Leslie for the excellent comments. You're right. It's not worht my time! *grins* I luv ya girly!

Yeah, so... Did anyone know that castor Bean plants are the most highly toxic naturally occuring poison? I'm guessing my dog is finding out right now why he shouldn't eat anything that is bright red growing in the yard... *rolls eyes* Now I know I told you that my dogs are stupid, but jeez! Did I mention that they were complete and total morons? Yeah, so... My dog is at the emergency vets, with a nice bill of about 400 dollars being brought up. Jsut what this family needs, what with tuition, no money and no jobs brings... I love the shyt fairy, jsut, do ya think she could go sit on someone else's house for a bit?

So yeah... prolly no ice skating for me today, unless there just happens to come along some nice littler person who wants to give me a ride both ways, and I'm sure there won't be... So, hah! No Craig or Missa or Anyone else today! Yay! *snorts* I know I'm going to be bored as all hell.

I love my horse! she's absoltuely da bomb! She ate Bernie's hand until he would let me go see her, and while she took a swing at clarissa, she was docile as a lamb for me... *grins* I love her, she's great! I'm hooked on Dan.

Well, the Fall Fest was a hit! In all respects, I must say that the two bands I enjoyed the most were "Erik's" and Kevin's. Erik's needed to tone down on the guitar and up on the singer, but as I found out, they were covering for their singer, so... LoL I went by the tunes. And, for all that you could only hear the instruments, it was really good! They were on the right beat, had the right key, Man, I loved it! I could kinda dance along, and me and Missa had a contest during one of their songs to outdance Tara and Leslie... Being Burrillvillians, we won, of course.
Kevin's band was good because they incorporated some very different insturments, such as the trumpet and keyboard, and played everything they did really well. From the backstage perspective I had of this group, I heard that not only is their drummer insane, but extremely good at what he does... and man, does it show. Who do I want drumming lessons from? LoL Ernie! *grins*

Anyway, I was kind of put-out by the lack of friendliness I felt between me and Erik, but I suppose that after you break up, you shouldn't expect a guy to immediately become best friends with you, huh? (and may I add a note to that particular statement? Reading things over really does kill your sense of spontaneity. I'm not saying he was unfriendly, just busy, and the feeling was probably mutual on his part as to my own unfriendliness.) *grins* I've proven that when it comes to stuff I don't know, I'm a wuss. I don't think I'd want a friend like me either. Granted, I do wonder if he realizes that it's only with things Idon't know in that particular corner of my life, and for very specific circumstances... I doubt it. Not many do... Carolyn. *duh Duh DUH sounds...*

Right... so what's up with Missy and Craig? I'm sure that everyone would like to know!! But, fortunately, for the sake of our friendship, I have nothing to tell. (Thank God!) As I told Brad yesterday, she enjoys the attention as she was extremely neglected by her last boyfriend, and Craig likes her, I believe. So... What could come of that? many thing, but nothing in the near fututre, my 2-Pack-senses tell me. *grins* I hope she reads this, and can revel in the inside jokishness of it! Yay! LoL

Yeah... and I'm sure everyone would jsut love to know who the new love of my life is, but with the greatest of ease, I tell you... No One. *grins* I like being single, I like being free. Granted, now... I miss my guy's hoodies and the smell of cologne, but I guess them there are things I jsut gotta get over. BTW... Note to self: Get Citrus Basil spray from store... *beep... answering machine inside brain* Hmm... I wonder, can you get hoddies from friends? I'll have to try that out... Seems like it might work... *sneaky sideways-eyes look* I like hoodies... hehe

Oy... Secrets and more secrets... Don't people ever get sick of secrets and lies? I happen to know that I refuse to tell any more lies, and I am officially putting out my notice to hte world.

I HATE SECRETS!!!!

All they do is drag you down and kill you. Crash and burn. Kapoooie! but oh yeah... I didn't miss the moving of Dan last night... It was put off again, duh! So, supposedly, we're moving her this morning, brihgt and early. Well, it's 7:35 right now, and I've been up since about 6:30 because I couldn't sleep. Do ya know how entertainging a V.C. Andrews book can be, if you're half-awake? Pretty Damned Good!

Roight... so, calendar for today. Dan is first and foremost. Then over to Missa's at 11, then at 3, we're (meaning me, missa, and possibly crystal and kerri) heading over to Apple valley, and at 6 or so, I have no idea what's going on. *grins* I'm good like that. hehe

Okay, I'm done now. All this out of sheer boredom, and the sense that I needed to do it. How great is that, huh? So yeah... LoL I'll prolly type in here later... Bye byez!

Oy... Carolyn, why do you have such a talent to make me see the truth and face up to it? It's disturbingly like Brad's own talent... *snarls* Like I said, ebtween you and my past, and him with the present, you two could make a great diagnosis about my own current state of mind, jsut by hearing my voice on the telephone... Or you could make a book, "The story of an Abby."
Damn you. Both of you. That's all I got to say. Damn you both to hell in a handbasket. (And we're talking a plain one, no paint or decorations allowed! So there!)

*sighs* Push, shove, corner, shove harder... I hate those moods, LoL Self- hurting tendencies can never be outgrown, huh? *shakes head* Man... I hate it when I get into such a mood as that. Someone hurts me, and all I can think of is hurting them back... and because I'm stupid, I usually end up hurting myself more than anone else, especially the one whom I was aiming for in the first place. *pounds head on desk* Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!!!

Erm... I need my clothes back... Should prolly jsut ask him when he wants his sweatshirt back... I don't suppose he's going on Saturday because of theboyscouts and all... *rolls eyes* So, it's either Sunday or bust. So... I should prolly call him and see what's up. Are we even going skating? Ugh... I need to figure out my calendar. LoL I'm clueless!!!