"Nothing less than Hell is worthy of man, if he be not worthy of Heaven."

"Seek the truth, listen to the truth, learn the truth, love the truth, speak the truth, hold the truth, defend the truth--unto death."

Oy... Stole these from another blogger, written by Dave someone. Thanks man! I really liked them because they remind me of what I believe in. Capital Punishment, if not in this realm than a different one, because, there is one, for sure; and truth is everything. As the New Hampshirians say,"Live Free or die!" I love this newest quote. Might jsut put it on my website for eternal glory in the ranks of "Quotes that Will Live On." It's that good. *grins* BTW... If any of you were wondering, my website is locvated at www.geocities.com/backtothenew .... Real hard, huh? Kinda predictable.

Okies... Because I didn't have a blogger back then, I'm going to put it here... I found myself thinking of this dream I'd had early this year, a dream of death and dying. More precisely, me dying. More precisely than that, me dying three times. Which, as if it wasn't bad enough for me to die once, I died three times!! I think someone really had it in for me, LoL I can only remember two of them, the third one was gone from my head the seond day after I'd dreamt these, so all I can come up with was the thought that maybe because it had been so traumatic, I'd blocked it off into a No Admittance part of my brain. I do know that one of them was extremely traumatic, because when I push the subject and try to remember it, I jsut get this nice chill up my spine and goosebumps. I can remember that it was horrible, and I was really rattled the day after, clinging to my friends and jumping at every loud noise or shadow, spooking when people talked to me. Missa told me I was a like a cat on a high electricity wire in the middle of a lightning storm... after it'd been hit three or four times. I still think the cat woulda been dead, but... it was jsut an analogy.

Anyway, the first one I can remember: It was just turning into dusk, and the night was jsut beginning to come and cover the sunny light of afternoon. I was running and hiding in my neighborhood, running down Main street, which had a lake behind the houses on the elft side of the street. These three guys in black trenchcoats were chasing me, and they were really after me! They could smell me, see me, hear me, and they were absolutely from out of this world... Like the Hound of the Baskervilles in human form. Really scary stuff. I'm a real strong swimmer, or used to be before I become allergic to open bodies of water (Don't laugh, it's so pathetically true), so I ran for the lake and dove in. One of the heard me, and dove in after me. The lake never got deeper than 4 feet, so when he caught me, halfway across the lake, he jsut grabbed and pushed me under until I drowned...

I woke up choking. I was really hot in my sleeping bag, as if I'd been running, and I had to go walk around the house for a bit until all the cramps were out of my muscles. My throat was sore, like after you get a real nasty flu, and you don't even want to swallow because it hurts so much. My whole body was tense, my muscles rigid and contracted to the point of where touching anything to my skin actually hurt. But, nonetheless, I went back to sleep eventually, and had the second episode of this dream.

It was nighttime, and I had snuck out of my house to go over to the track near my nana's house ( which jsut happens to by in Worcester). Anyway, after making it there, I was in my short little soccer shorts, and workout tank top. I was jogging lightly around the track, enjoying the fact that I could run, that I was running in the cool night of summer, when this guy of about 45 and his wife came onto the track and started walking with me. As it was about 10 at night, I was a little disturbed by this, and the hair up at the back of my neck went straight up. Nevertheless, confident in my own ability to protect myself against this one man and his dumpy little wife, I kept running, finally lapping them one, two, three, 6 times, before finally slowing down, thoroughly blown, tired and sweating. On my way out, the couple kept getting closer and closer to me, until they were walking right next to me. I veered across the track, but the man raced over towards me, and taking out a knife, began to threaten me with it, his wife laughing in the background. I started running ahead, now scared. I picked up my sweatshirt and headed for the exit, so I could walk to my Nana's house and spend the night... The man caught upto me, and start threatening me once again, telling me to take off my clothes, to... well, you know. I refused, and thought he grabbed me by the arm, I wrenched away and sprinted back across the track to hte pay phone at the other exit. Screaming, I called 911, and the lines were all busy. Wwhen I finally got an operator, she said she'd send someone over when she could get in touch with them. They were getting closer every time I looked over my shoulder, closer... closer... Screaming at her to get someone over there RIGHT AWAY, she hung up the phone on me, and I started screaming once again. I called my mom collect and it took her seconds to get to the phone... By then they were right over my shoulder, barely 30 feet away and gaining fast, both of them grinning maniacally... I sobeed into the phone that there were people coming to get and I couldn't get away, Mom, come get me... get Nana... "But she's in Florida!! What are you doing in Milford!" Mom... Please... they've got knives.. Please... "Oh my god... Abby, where are you?!" I'm at the track... Hel- And the knife came swinging down, cutting through the wires. I screamed again, trying to once again get away from the arm that came down on my shoulder, crushing me, holding me, the wife grinning at me from over her husband's shoulder, laughing at my fear, at my terror...

I was killed by the knife, after they'd had their way, I suppose, I never saw it in my dream. All I can remember is the screaming and yelling I did, struggling and trying to kick both of them, hitting them as ahrd as I could, knowing my mom would enver make it in time, knowing she couldn't possibly, no matter how fast she drove, she'd never save me... Still, still I kept screaming, still struggling, still punching and kicking... And yet I can still feel the knife point, starting jsut below my sternum, until it sank in, sank in to the hilt, a searing pain that refuses to go away, hurting me, tearing me asunder, killing me... until it reaches my heart, and he twists it, his rapidly fading face still grinning, still grinning...

I don't know what could ahve been worse than that, if anything. But, I can still remember both those dreams with a clarity that makes me cry even these days... Yes, there are tears slipping down from my eyes, I can feel the pain in my chest, the burning in my lungs, in my legs, the coldness of the blade, the fear that penetrated everything, and the utter hopelessness that permeated my very soul, in knowing that my mommy couldn't save me. She jsut couldn't make it to save me....

Oh yes... You could say I'm traumatized from it. I probably am. But, if you could see into my mind, seewhat I see, feel what I feel, hear, smell, know what I know... I think you might be, too... Oh, why did I put this into here? Why oh why?