Sometimes, I wonder if I really could be intelligent, sound intelligent, or if its jsut too much work for me to even try achieving. I jsut read through Juice's live journal thingy, and he really surprised me with how intelligent he sounded. I know that sounds like a real asshole thing to say. Even though I've always known he's really smart, I never really gave him enough credit, I suppose. I will mention one more thing- it suprised me how fatalistic he was, how hopeless his visions were (maybe thats the price of being so smart... You know too much to be optimistic. I've realized the truth in "Ignorance is Bliss.")- but what a horrible prison to live in... Bars of despair.

Anyway... I read through his journal, posted a comment, and thought I was going to cry, because though in essence I agree with him, the fact that it was so... tenebrific (ADJECTIVE: Dark and depressing - I'm learning new words!), made me shy back and disagree. I'm not sure why I wanted to cry, I think it was jsut the shock of reading what he thought. And it alarmed me, that in his mind, the human race's fate was so bleak. There was nothing to look forward to. And I can't accept that. I need something to look forward to. But I often think the exact same things as him; about how money is freedom, but in order to make enough money, you need to spend 40-60 hours a week in an office, and so, where is the freedom? It's a catch 22. Maybe he's right and there really is nothing to look forward to.

But, I think I'll prefer to keep deluding myself, and keep dreaming of ways to achieve what I want, success and time, so that I can get through the hardships we all know will be ahead. That are plagueing me now. And perhaps, simply by working towards what I want, I will get through, and I will get what I need, and Juice's fatalism will be unfounded.