Why, every time that life starts looking up, does something jsut kick me straight back down to where I belong? Why can't I jsut be let alone? You know... Live and let live? Why does the shit fairy ahve to come sit on my shoulder?

Well, the charter was fine, kinda boring as usual. Then i got home and went out with Linds and Jeremy. It was fun. We went to Panera then Kohl's, then to the park, where the cops caught me and Linds being swing monkes... LMAO. Go Monkeys!!

And then I got home and went online. And well... it jsut went straihgt downhill form there. Seriously, why do people have to stick their noses in where it definitely doens't belong? If two people are haveing a disagreement, let them have it. And let them get over it. Or let them not get over it. Whatever. But, don't stick your ownlong beak into it, because it will get pinched, it always does. Believe me, I've learned through many personal experiences.

Anyway... I quit. I'm hiding under the covers for the enxt three days, and no one will ever get me out, because the one thing that I love most on my life is being taken from me, by people whom I used to think were my friends. I think they still are, but honestly, I'm not sure. Would friends do that to you? Would friends make you want to hide from the world for three days in a ratty sleeping bag that once was airlifted by a giant galoot named BFF Samson? I just don't know. It;s these idisyncracies of the world that make me wonder if I'm the crazy one, or if it's just life and you learn to live it by surfing through it. Like... For the majority of the time, you jsut ride out the little, rinky-dink small-town carnival waves, but every once in a while you catch the perfect one, and you ride for a while, feeling the awesome power beneath you, within you, and as you streak across the clear, sea-green surface of the water, you run your fingers through the surf, feeling it in your hair, on your skin, and you wonder what could ever match this experience. You are a God, powerful and invincible. And then, jsut as the peak of your emotions, you hit a rock, the surfboard goes up, and you're fished out of the water with a broken leg, stuck on land for 6 months.

I think I jsut hit a reef. And the sharks are nibbling at my toes, checking to see whether they need a knife, or if they can manage it in one bite. I don't know. I don't want to cause trouble, but honestly, I don't know if I can get over what's bothering me. And it's the fact that I've finally, after years of not being able to really settle down and get interested and really work at something I used to love sooo much, found it again, and I'm going to have to quit because I'm stuck, it kills me. I was in tears, frustrating pouring out of my eyes and streaming hot and furious, down my cheeks.

I ask one favor... One little thing, because I need to think and I need to chill and I need to talk and I need, need to figure this out, and these friends, they won't even think of giving me my one request. It wasn't even hard. It was... jsut give me a week. Just give me till next weekend. Let me be by myself, be on my own, jsut let me FIGURE IT OUT, until next weekend. Just elave me be for my 2 hours of bliss. Just let me enjoy what I love doing... Don't bog me down with politics, which is all this is, and don't make me think of consequences, jsut for 2 hours. Just let me enjoy what I love to do before I quit. Because that's what it's going to come down to. It always does.

I think of quitting horseback riding, and I jsut can't even think of it. I've never been forced out of it... I've usually jsut wandered, mainly ebcause I've not had a choice. But usually, it's because I couldn't find a ride, or my instructor left, or... something equally depressing along those lines. Never ahve I been forced to quit by politics. And I find this sad. Maybe I will go to Ohio to college, see if I can make life easier out where no one knows me, and where no one, if no one knows me, no one can make me regret knowing them. And I find that sad. I regret knowing you. Both of you. Because I'm not sure if you're my friends, and you're killing me.

As a last note, this blogger, for anyone who doesn't understand, is -MY- blogger. It is not your blogger, or Georgie's blogger, or little boy blue's blogger. It is MINE. And in it, I write whatever I damned well please. And if you don't like what you read, whether it be about you or your mom, or your stepfather's dog's best friend's pet cricket, then here are two words of advice for you: Too bad. This is my place to write what I need to write, to show what I'm feeling. I thought I was doing some of my friends a convenience in making this, as I know I'm rather hard to understand sometimes. But, seriously, if you don't like what you read, about what I'm feeling, then don't read it. You don't have to , No one's holding you at gunpoint, making you read my blogger.

And as another side note. WARNING: As a warning to whomever should dare to call me a retard, stupid, or something otherwise degrading, I won't take it anymore. I've taken the blonde jokes, the rude remarks about my intelligence, the cracks about "How stupid are you, really?!" BS. Guys and girls, if you ahven't noticed, there is a brain beyond the locks of blonde hair, and though it appears to be in absence at times, it's not. Ever heard of defense mechanisms? No? Well, Mr, and Mrs. Intelligent, go look 'em up! This is a warning. Please don't do it. The comments are extremely hurtful, unappreciated, and completely uncalled for. You tease the animals at the zoo because you know the bars hold it back, right? Well... these bars are crumbling. Don't give a reason for them to completely disappear. Please. I like my friends, even the ones about whom I'm doubting at the moment. I like you, I respect you, and generally, I'm even nice to you. I don't want to blow up, ruin friendships. Don't do it anymore, please. Please.

That is all, goodnight folks. I hope this clears up some stuff that's going on in my head.