Well... welcome back! I'm writing once again! I jsut wanted to write down that I watched a movie yesterday while I was feeling not so well, and well, it really struck home. It was about a girl who was raped by a guy in her school, hwo was the football star, etc. And then, after she told what had happened, his friends and basically the whole school, moved against her. It reminded me of the incident that ahppened in this school. I don't ahve a clue who was to blame for it, whether Sullie led him on, or whether FS (Football Star) did what the newspapers said.

And now that I've watched what happened, it's sparked in my head the quetion of whoa... The things that happened in that movie were remarkably similar to what happened in this school. So like, in fact, that I'm more inclined to beleive the latter scenario. What a scary thought. Perhaps, jsut as that girl said i nthe movie, "Maybe we thought that if what you said was true, then we would ahve had to face up to the fact that we were sluts, too..." Perhaps instead, it was, in this school, "If what she says is true, than crime, serious crime, really can happen her, too." We're such a small town. We've always thought that Burrillville was the safest place to live. If rape can happen in this town, then what else can happen?

And I was reading something the other day in a magazine for girls; it struck in me what I've alays wodnered. Guys and girls were asked if they would do certain things in certain places, and the results came back that guys simply didn't ahve to worry about the same things that girls did. Whereas a guy wouldn't worry about going off alone in a city and jsut walking on the street, a girl would worry about rape, molestation, mugging, etc. How sad is that? I htink thatI'm going to start karate lessons as soon as I get money. Just so, if I should ever need to, I can defend myself. Or at least give myself a chance to get away should anything happen.

Back to the rape thing. I had a dream once, in hte ngiht of three dreams, and in it I was raped. I looked it up in a dream book and it said that I had a subconscious need for violence, for rough sex. I think that's bullshyt. That was a night of death. I was scared out of my mind. I think it was a conscious fear of being forced to do things I didn't want to do.

I can't even imagine what Sullie went through. And I feel really guilty about what I said to her at Lil General. Even as I was saying it, I was thinking, "Oh shyt... this isn't coming out right... Oh shyt." I hink I'm going to send her a card, mayhbe through the mail. Send it to her house. Because I wouldn't blame her if she never came back... *sigh* ALl I can say is that I'm really glad that she seems to have a nice boyfriend now, and she's looking okay. I was actually really happy to see her that night, and when I heard what was coming out of my mouth, I wanted to smack myself. Ugh... Duh Abby-ness.