I just don't want to feel anything anymore. I just want to be...numb.
I've honestly this this has been the worst week of my entire life. I've had to make so many hard decisions and hear so many things that I just don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be Kerri, the 17 year old girl, who let allowed her life to blow up infront of her face. Its so much more then I can handle, and I'm on the verge of breaking down. All I want is one person to tell me they've actually gone through the same thing I did, just so I know what I have to do. But theres never a person in the same exact situation as me, and I'm just alone. Always alone but never willing to let it show.
I have no clue whats going on with my relationship of almost 2 years now. Its seemed that in the past week, its been torn to shreds. All I wanted to do is be with him and I can't. So I put off the pissed off aggrivated Kerri and just seem to make things worse for me. I just want someone to love me. Is that so much to ask from one person? I desperatly want things to go back to when we were both happy. But it seems not that that's impossible. Theres no way to turn back now, and it seems theres no reason to go on anymore. It seems to me that everything we had is now gone. And what do you do now? You think that you should try and move on and not call him every 5 minutes to try and find out whats going on with us, but I just can't. I don't want to let everything we had go, but its already slipped away and I don't want to admit it. I try and hang out with my friends, but I just cant. They've all got someone their still happy with after this long, and it just makes me even more depressed. I'm depressed that I'm lonely and everyone else has something I would die to have back. I'm alone. Plain and simple, and I think that destiny has already paved that path for me.

I'm so stressed out that I may say things one way but mean nothing by it. And I know I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, but I can't help it. That's the one thing I can call my own right now.
So, now that everythings off my chest, I'm going to feel this way for the next few hours, days, weeks, maybe even month. I can't take what I've let happen to me, and I just need some time to get past all of this, or even some answers to all this confusion. You don't know what its like to be truly depressed until you actually are.


Hi... I edited part of this. for privzacy and what-not. Not really sure how reads this, but kerri... trust me, babe, I know how you're feeling. Whereas you had a boyfriend for 2 years, I have been on and off with several boys, none of whom have amounted to a long-time boyfriend, for different reasons. But anyway... That's not what I'm trying to get to.

Ever had that feeling where all of a sudden, when you wanted to say something really heart-felt and meaningful, you suddenly jsut don't want to, and you curl up back in your shell? yeah. Well, I jsut curled up. Nevermind. I don't feel like talking about it. *nods* Yup.

Let's jsut leave it at this: it's been rough lately, I know what you were feeling like, though whether my pickle helped or you're still feeling like this now, I'm not sure. So, I luv ya darling, and I'm sorry we can't talk more.