Wow... There has been so much happening around here, I'm really not sure where to begin. SB came home, and there was drama. Watch Switched to find out what it was all about! heh I'm sworn to keep her secrets, and I have no problems doing so, as she is a vry dear friend of mine,and I am one of her few confidantes. The drama between she and I is now over, and there really wasn't any, jsut perceived drama... So, I suppose there was, in a very different sense of the word. Anyway...

I really wanted to write yesterday, but I couldn't seem to get my head out of my book, mainly because I didn't want to see reality in the face. It jsut hurt a bit too much. I don't know what's wrong with my family... I suppose we've all lived with this growing threat of unsteadiness, that now that the umbrella is gone and there might actually be something to do about it, we're all kind of falling apart, away from the shield of ignorance that had us so blissfully unaware... Or maybe, and this is actually probably, I'm jsut speaking for myself. My paretns have never been blissfully unaware, and i suppose I haven't, just... buried. Like everything else unpleasant- you jsut bury it and hope one day, it'll go away. I suppose that I should know by now that it never will, no matter what happens, but I guess I never learn. Anyway... My family's going to hell in a handbasket, and I'm beginning to understand why, if ever I become a nun in the future, I decided to do it. *snort* can you imagine me, a nun? heh I think Joe possibly could... LMAO!!

PS... On that last statement, it was meant to be humorous, not biting. Luv ya darlin'!

No... I went to Mike's party last night, and was actually really suprised when it wasn't quite as horriblew as I thought it had the definite potential to be. I showed up on time, becuase I was determined to show Mike my support for him, even if for no one else. Fortunately, it turned out to be a pretty good evening, and I enjoyed the old friends and silliness that I never seem able to enjoy anymore. People grow up waaay too fast, i think. Good to be back among the sillies. It felt good to laugh and make no sense and just relax in the arms of people who I know used to love me, and evidently still do.

LoL I think if I ever told anyone what was really on my mind right now, they'd laugh at me and call me "crazy Abby." Or... at least, Mike would, after giving me that indulgent look he always uses to cover complete shock or embarassment. Unfortunately, I'm pretty decent at reading people, and he's an open book. *grin* Luv him to death.

So, we'll leave that little statement right in my own little head, and keep the trash off the streets...

If ever you read this, Christine, I'm truly sorry for not being funny and fun and giggly and silly and all that. I'm sorry I dumped my problems on you the other day, I shouldn't have. I know that's what friends are for, but I thinkthat in order to qualify as a friend, one has to actully be able to open up enough to enjoy themselves, and that's where I get stuck. There's so much shyt inside, that if i opened up, we'd all drown. So, I can't, and I can't have enough space to have fun... And Jeremy, if you read this and feel bad for me, and even think of trying to hug me or comfort me in any way, I'll kick you.*threatening look*

If anyone read this and feels bad for me, I'd have to start taking names and kick butt. I don't want sympathy, I want a place where I can get it out and away from me, without having to necessarily clutter up other people's lives with unnecessary garbage. Don't be sad for me, there are people far worse off, who sleep in gutters, who get beaten by their parents, who are alone in a house of cards. *sad little smile* In a world such as this, what are the hopes and dreams of one child, to anyone? What is a modern tragedy, the death of a poor, lonely salesman deluding himself against reality, or the cold hard shock of realizing you are that salesman? I would say the latter, because I've realized it.