I'm restless. I want to write. I want to talk to Matt, good Matt. I want to send ridiculous pictures to people I used to love hanging with. I want my friends back, I want to live with my family again, I don't want to have to meet and live with and learn to deal with new people. I want my room back and all my stupid plants and my stupid lights and ridiculous drawer of naughty things. Well... only one naughty thing, and not even that naughty.

I just... I want there to be what will never be again, and I know just as well as anyone else that it never will be, but it doesn't matter because I still want it.

I want to read, but I'm just... I can't sit still. I want to talk to James, but there's just nothing. NOTHING.

I looked through my pictures for house pictures and had to relive every good time that was had with my school family and... it made me incredibly wistful because I'm jsut so sure that I'm never going to be close to Kate again, and I'll never sit with Kev and watch Smallville again and me and Dave? Well... who knows.

I wanna joke around with Matt about the RIDICULOUS pictures I have from jamestown- Tippy the Dog, monkeys and lion-hiding. I want to give Josh a copy of the chinese hat picture, and I want to watch Kate-closet movies with the two monkeys... Crack up laughing and never stop.

God, I jsut want what I once had, what I once thought was heaven on Earth, though I know it certainly wasnt. I want the past.

Meh.

I guess I just want the impossible.

Boo Hiss for me being stupid. I guess I'm jsut being dumb because I now am definitely not moving back in and... well, to be strictly truthful, I'm frieking hurt as hell.

No one cares. Dave cares, but that's it. Kate told me to do what I had to do, kev wouldn't even respond to my IM. I swear to God, I wish I could