I'm going to miss you terribly, you know. I think you might even miss me, too. But maybe not. We're both far too excitable, far too dependent, far too... us. You are the person with whom I can let down my hair. You are the person who I wanted to go see and show BABUG. You make me laugh hysterically. You make me so angry, I want to rip out my hair, then yours. But right now, I'm just so... tired. I'm don't feel sick very often very more, so I can't call it that. This is... exhaustion. This is me giving up because... I can't do it anymore.

I feel like I'm letting you down, in fact, I KNOW I'm letting you down. Big time. But you've let me down, too. You know me so well... And yet, I can't seem to get past the fact that you're a stranger now... I mean, I want to trust you. I want to know that you trust me, too. But... It's weird. It's almost like, in this past year, you've grown more strange to me than the guy who walks down the street. And I think it has to do with me being sick.

It was too long. Far too long. I let down everyone and I knew it. I hated not being able to go out, no being able to get off the couch and go play. I HATED just wanting to sleep and being cranky and not being able to stop myself. I'm not sure I can explain the depths of my self-hatred these past few months. And now... Now. What a wonderful time to be. Now, this second, this moment, this day. Now I'm STILL getting the shit end of the stick. All those friends I couldn't hang out with for so long, you included, no longer call because I'm not their crowd anymore. They've found a new frined to replace the one who sleeps all day. Understood... I mean, I would prolly do it, too. Everyone needs entertainment, right?

But this is me. Now. I'm tired. Bone tired, sick to death of being sick and of the consequences of having been sick. I can only call you so much, leave so many voicemails, say so many apologies, have people swear at me on your account so many times. I'm done, Linds. This is my last-ditch effort. I have nothing else. And if you can't accept the fact that I'm lashing out because I want to be your friend and have forgotten how, am so frustrated because now, when I CAN, you don't want to, then... What is there to save? I have been feeling like this for a while. While I love you to death and have so many memories of old and new, I can't fight anymore.

Take me as I am, or leave me. My cards are on the table.

If you're leaving me, have a great life. No regrets, yea?