So.. I'm giving space. I'm giving you space. *shrugs* Take as much as you need, then get your ass back here because I can't wait to hang out and laugh with you. Capische? Also, kissing you would make me really happy. But... I'm giving space right now. And even when you get back, I'll be nice and patient. Because... a strange truth has come upon me. And... the more I ponder it, the more strange it becomes and the more I want to ponder it. Strange, twisted little circle. haha
This post is a very lovely post. I have two wonderful beings on my mind, one human and the other not-so-much. You, human, I was, and still am, not sure about. But... I'm putting effort into something I never put effort into. That in itself makes me look more closely... And think a bit more.. And so far, I'm excited.
Anyway... back onto the here and now. I LOVE my horse. I have decided, did decide when I talked to Sue this morning, that my rein breaking and me coming out unscathed, is a sure-fire sign that I am MEANT to keep this horse, preserve her sanity and my own happiness and ambitions by working my ass off. Muck stalls, feed at 6:30 am, paint fences, groom, whatever it takes to make the money to keep this horse.
I realize I have probably said this before, but... this time I have the means to do it. And... the will. I have the whole package. Nothing is missing. I have a trailer. I have a barn with supportive and competitive people. I have an instructor who kicks my ass into perfection. And finally, I have a horse; the perfect horse, a mare so athletic it's scary, so talented it's insane, and so willing to do anything to make me happy and take care of me when shit goes down, it's... perfect.
When that rein snapped Saturday, I didn't panic. I didn't think, only reacted. And my beautiful, wonderful, semi-psychotic, workaholic mare reacted perfectly. She took care of me when she so easily could have taken me apart. She slowed and stopped and touched her nose to my shoulder to make sure I was okay when I got off, then stood and waited patiently until I got back on.
Every time I think of her, she makes me smile. She makes me happy. She reminds me of what I used to be good at and will be once again, that it's okay to want something so bad it hurts as long as you're willing to work for it.