I can't stop thinking about it. About Poe. About competing. About... loving to ride and teach and learn and ride. I just keep coming to the same conclusion. Horses are going to be off-limits until I can afford to do it as much and as often as I want. Where I want, when I want. Otherwise, I will keep coming to this conclusion. I can't compete seriously unless I can ride every day, and I don't ride just for the joy of riding- I ride to win. And I don't love to ride unless I love the horse I'm riding. So... it comes down to my ability to have the horse I love, riding it every day, and competing to win. It's just not my time. So... Yup.

God, I have so much stuff to do and no motivation for anything. argh.