Ooph... I've figured it out, and it's killing me. Me and mom were talking on the way home from Wally World, and it came out... what I've really been holding in, what's been making me so irritated all these days.

I don't really feel comfortable anywhere, with anyone. That's why I can't concentrate, can't sit still, pay attention, be happy. I don't feel like I have friends, real friends, and even if I did, I'm pretty sure they would abandon me, for lack of optimism in present situation. I'm not fun anymore... There's nothing to be fun about, there's nothing really, to laugh about. sure, there's always the surface shyt, but really laugh? Just... be able to sit and giggle for 1/2 an hour, while not doing anything? Nope.

I don't have any solace. I seek escape in books, music, driving, work, running, riding. I can't come home, because it's tension there. I hate going to school, because, although I've learned that being alone isn't so bad, always being surrounded by people who have someone to hang out with and joke around with and talk to, it's rapidly degenerating, becoming impossible to be happy. This is a lot of shyt to dump on anyone, but I suppose that's why I put it on here, where people don't ahve to read anyhting, don't ahve to register anything, but I've still got it out there. Adios.