Ever had that feeling where the world is just not any fun anymore? Where you jsut want to sleep all day, read your books about other's more exciting lives, and hide from anyone who is your friend, who cares about you, for fear they might ask you how you are? The only escape is music played so loud all you can do is sing along and lsoe yourself, or running so hard all you can concentrate on is breathing and not falling?

Have you ever wanted to jsut scream so loud and let everyone know jsut what you thought ebcause it might jsut be the only day you can do it? It may be the last day of your life and you won't ever know it. What the hell...

If you couldn't tell, there was another death in paradise, and a guy I know was paralyzed, all in hte same deally. Racing along, and they lsot control, and now the world is all topsy turvy, and I don't know which way is up. Should I be heading for the blue or the green? Clouds or grass? My mind knows which way, but my feet aren't working right. And yet I can still write these dumb sentences about what the hell I'm feeling, even while a kid younger than me is lying in a freezer, waiting for his box, the only thing he's got to look forward to, to arrive. Shit.

And I can't even utter what's deep down, for fear that it may be reality, because it seems that all those things you think about really do happen, so you cringe and wonder whether there is such a thing as fate or destiny, and whether you really can influence things simply by thinking about it. You know you can't, but sometimes, jsut sometimes, hte things you fear most come true, and you're forced to confront it.

R.I.P. JR
Josh, we're with you man, pull through.

I think I'm going crazy, and there is no God to help me. I msut help myself, right, Joe? Shit. I can't even imagine how badly families must feel. To be 16 and dead is terrible, it could only be an accident. Oh jesus...

My thoughts and prayers are with those families in their hours of need, I jsut hope that they know everyone's there with them, hoping and praying, cursing and crying, waiting for the new day to approach, when life seems to make more sense, where sisters don't bury brothers and parents don't bury kids. Jeez...

Happy Graduation seniors... Maybe we can pull through and learn from this. Maybe we can unite in the hour of need, because we need to be together to get through this.