Like I said, insane. I'm fine. truly. It's just that sometimes, it seems like the whole world catches up to me, and I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't -be-. And then, as soon as I get busy again, as soon as I can't thin about it because I always have something to do, I'm fine.

*hollow laugh* I told dad that I wanted to be a wrangler when I grow up, becuase I don't want any time to think about anything beyond what the weather will be, what cows/horses are where, having what problems, how the terrain is, etc. I want to think of nothing beyond technical, mechanical stuff, because that -other- stuff hurts.

You know what hurts even more? *snort* The fact that I am actively looking for someplace to lay my ti'ed wittle head dis summa. I told dad I was going to run away, because I didn't want to go home. I said so many things that were so true, and that I would probably never do... Because it wouldn't help. It would just hurt those that are already hurt so much. Have I ever said I've turned into a crybaby? Yeah... WEll, just so when I make my book, here's the documentation... The tears are flowing again, at even the thought of hurting mom and dad more than they already are. Ugh...

Well... I said I was fine until I started thinking. Maybe that's why I lose myself in Kenshin, work, sleep, anything. I'm sorry I am such a downer. I swear, I laugh more than I cry!! I laugh all day long! I laugh at everything! When I walk to class, I see th squirrels tumble hrough the trees and I laugh; the crazy people around make me laugh; my friends are hilarious.

I think the reason why I didn't want to go to Luis's last night is because I didn't want to drink. Because drinking hurts me.. But I can see why people do it...

Anyway... I'm not angry. I'm not sad, really. I'm jsut me, a little too silly, a little too forced, a little too soft, and a lot like everyone else.