I think I am going insane. My head hurts constantly, and I am so close to tears all the time. I think I'm going absolutely, positively, insane. My dad asked me if I was suicidal. My mom asked me if I was suicidal.

It hurt. A lot.

I cried all the way from my house, where I started crying after my bro did something with the wire they were handling and my mom's face got cut, and she started yelling at him. I just... started crying. I turned, walked up the hill in the backyard, sat on Tara's rock, and cried facing the woods. Mom came up and sat down. We talked for a bit.

I got in the car, after hugging Seth goodbye with what I wish was a real hug, but was really no more than an acceptance to my parents' request that I say goodbye to him. And all the way back to school, I cried. My dad talked to me the whole way down, and I responded, but there were tears running down my face, and my sleeve was soaked by the time I got there. I walked in, put my stuff down, and walked him back out. On the way back in, I made it to the second floor before I just... couldn't stand it anymore. It felt like I was dying, like I was going to collapse in a pile of clothes, shrivel up and just... disappear.

It's not one thing in particular, it's everything. It's just that life is life, for good or for bad, and I have no release to anything, anymore.

I miss Dan. I miss my brother. I miss math. I miss my family. I miss the days when things made a modicum of sense, when -I- made sense.

I'm not suicidal. (Now, if I put "Yet." here, would anyone scream and pass out? Prolly... So i'll leave the melodrama at the door.)