They're all sitting upstairs eating lobsters. I don't know what my problem is. It's like I can't get out of my own cynical view. I just can't stop weighing things that I took for granted, before. I cna't stop taking even the simplest actions and weighing them against what I know, what I do, what I see with everyone else. And if makes me so unhappy- like I can't just... be here. I have to judge and weigh and just... be so goddamn cynical! I hate it!

On a lighter note, Christmas is fantastic- I owuldn't give up this holiday for anything, even Easter. I just... It's me this time. There's just so much tension. I don't even know if they can feel it. Maybe it's just me and tension I have. But there is tension somewhere... It feels like something is strung too tight and about to snap. I can't really put my finger on it. I want to go back to Narragansett. I would rather be in a house by myself, with nothing to do, than be with my family in a warm house where the people love me, I know they do, and Ive got friends 10 minutes down the road. What is wrong with me?

Oy. Some lighter note, huh? LoL

The party at Auntie Lou's last night was funny as all hell. I drank margaritas with Steph and Chris- it seems like once Steph asked me if I wanted a margarita and I accepted, Chris accepted me. Like... Once i'd proven I was old enough, he could relax around me. Steph, too... Well, more than she'd been, but then again, she was quite buzzed. heh Silly Stephie! Goats in Galoshes, that's all I have to say about that. hahah

Santa, and helpers in the form of relatives, were very nice to me this year, dropping off suck goodies at Zen Microphoto somehting-or-others (Like an IPod, only better!!), awesome tassle-hats, a hair straightener I can be proud of, a magnet sculpture kit, and an awesome camo shirt reading, "Ha! I can see you... But you cna't see me!" among others...

Sitting around the tree this morning with my family was great- I had the dogs all curled up on hte couch with me, like I always somehow manage, and my mom and dad on the loveseat, with my brother in the big comfy chair. It was a great scene. I love watching people open gifts you packed with them in mind- it's the best feeling you can have.

Christmas truly is the best holiday- even if your family is crazy, they can still come together for some things- We went to church! hehe I actually kind of enjoyed it. I'm not sure I want to go every week, but it was nice to just sit down and remember all those little prayers I learned so long ago. I was surprised that I was the only one of the family who didn't have to open the book to remember the Nicene Creed and whatnot. It was kind of exciting. hehe

Anyway, I'm going back to the family scene- the lobster was getting to me, so I had to leave. LoL Yeah... I'm -still- allergic, dammit!