I'm pushy. Very pushy. But only when I'm not getting my way... At least I recognize and understand this... I remember someone laughed at me, maybe it was me!, when I said that. It doesnt matter if you recognize or understand something if you don't take action about it after that. haha
And I don't understand boy stupidity, so therefore I cannot use it to my advantage. lmao This is the definition of boy-stupid, I've decided. And that, my frineds, is exactly what I am. Boy-stupid.
Actually... I really don't wanna be a manipulative girl. I just wanna... get my way. Sometimes. Shut me down all the time, and pretty soon I'm going to get pushy about everything. *narrows eyes* Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. I know I am. but he doesn't get it if you play it cold! WTF! I can't WIN!
Yeah yeah, it's not about winning. Fuck that shit. everything's about winning. Whether you're triyng for good grades, scaring girls away, running a track meet, or trying to get your way, it's all about fucking winning. That's what life is. Fuck love, who needs it? It's jsut lust in disguise.
Man... I've become the cold, cynical bitch, haven't I? Am i proud? Mmm.. .All I see is this massive vicious circle that comes back to bite me in the ass. Inevitably. But I think that's the nature of life itself. Damned life. Lol
Isn't this tone so different from the optimistic little vixen who started this ridiculous thing what? 4 years ago? OMG... 4 years this September. Weird. Very weird. But then again, I hadn't quite been as world-worn as I am now, as non-trusting and yet trusting too easily, yet. What a naive little sucker I am, was, always will be.
I'm not doing homework. I -really- should be. And I know it. I just... don't want to. I'd rather play with bleach in toilet bowls than do homework. Sick, huh?
I'm not really this cynical. I just... I hate it when people point out my faults to me, and I know they're telling the truth. It really bugs me. I think it would bug anyone, but it -really- bugs me. It's not like I think I don't have faults, it's just... I really hate it when people shove them in my face- it's like shoving my face in the mess I made.
And ultimatums- what is that?? Fuck you! I think I know where this is going. Nowhere good. And you know what? Damn. LoL