My brother is missing once again, and though I prefer to think of myself as cold to the situation, I know through action and blankness of thought, that I am not. I want nothing but sleep and mindless activity, nothing of friends nor relatives, folly nor laughter. Just... sleep.

I'm having a "Waht if the neigbors find out?" thought in my head. If I feel this blank and dead and useless, would suicide really be such a horrible option? To take the easy way out- would that be such a horrible way to work it out? Drugs? Alcohol? Medication? Are they not all the same? Short, quick, EASY answers (answers or cuts in the maze hedge?) to a riddle that really cannot be solved? I do believe so. They treat the symptoms and not the problem.

But, is there really any way to cure this problem? Except perhaps by... by what? Cutting oneself off? By pretending the world is great and good and wonderful? By drinking oneself into a stupor if only to numb an already thoughtless mind?

How to fix this problem? I really think I am jsut tired... No need for hysterics or melancholy. Just sleep will work.

I hope.