It's spring... I can always tell when spring is really here, because I go horse crazy. Completely horse-crazy. Just, everywhere I go, eveything I get, everyone I see, they always remind me of something that happened, something that occurred. Anyway, Yup. Please don't get angry with me, it's jsut something in my blood. It refuses to stay silent for long...

I called that lady from NY this morning, to get the gist of what she ahd to say about the month I'm going to be spending in NY this summer, working for my horse-craziness. After I got off the phone, I got the third-degree from my mom and dad, especially the latter, about it. My dad is hurt, furious about me going away, raging because I'd rather go work my ass off in a sweaty horse barn for no pay, jsut lessons and board, then stay home and work in the easy coolness of a charter boat-mate job. I jsut sat there for a while, trying to figure out, why exactly, I was so intent upon going away. I wanted to go away for the whole summer, leave everything behind. I would have done anything to do it. Work for nothing, get no riding, leave all my friends behind, and screw myself over for a job when i come back. Why? Why would I do somehting so stupid? Yes, even I know it's so stupid. After about 2 minutes, I realized it.

I was running. I was so anxious about not doing that job, about being a mate, I was ready to screw myself over and run. So, crying my eyes out and trying my hardest not to scream in frustration, Itold my mum why I was leaving, and she finally, finally, realized why I was so bent on leaving. She called my dad back, who had left, as usual, to go do whatever he wanted, and when he came back, she told him the deal. It ended up being a huge argument between the two, with my mom leaving, saying, "You make your own problems. Now we're all running from you. Get your own mate." My dad jsut stood there and was quiet, and I was quiet for a long time.. .Finally, he poured himself a coffee, as I'm sitting o nthe couch, jsut watching the back door, listening to him, and he said, "Have fun at your horses, Abby." And left. And then I withered inside, and crawled under a rock.

It was horrible.
But I'm still running.