So, yeah... Third time today. It's been a really boring, really horrible day. I've had waaay too muchtime to think and in so doing, get myself in trouble, and well... yeah. Just shoot me now. Like a turkey. make it quick and painless, though... Please?

"I think it's gotta be that time of the month, because i am jsut feeling like crying all the time. But it can't be! So, I've come to the realization that I'm jsut... frieking out."- An excerpt from a conversation with kerri, me speaking.

I really am frieking out. it's senior year, I haven't even started school and I already have no friends, I have nobody to hang out with, and OMG... it's senior year. I haven't hung out with one of the people who I really want to hang out with this summer, and I'm jsut realizing it now, when it's too lat eand I really wish I could've been more realistic.

I've got so much stuff whirling around in my head right now, I'm shaking and feeling like I'm going to have a breakdown, like nothing's working, like the world isn't rotating anymore on its axis. I can't keep holding stuff to me, I have to let it go, and I can't!! My foot's shaking, and i have chills, and I can't help but wonder if I'm seriously going to chill. I think I have rbain cancer and am dying. And it's spread to my stomach. I have a lump. But it shows up and goes away, was ther a few years ago. But i have headaches now... Real bad. And mom says they're all stress, which is reasonable, because I feel like I'm going to explode any time now, and... My vision blurs when I stand up, and the rooms spins, sometimes so much that I fall, and OMG... Breathe. Just breathe.

Jeremy, why didn't i hang out with you? Why am I such a bithc to you? Why don't you hate me? hell, why don't I hate you? Me and you... The Love to Haet each other fanclub. Grea tfor us.

katie... I miss you already. You're one of those things that is spinning aorund my head, swearing at me to jsut... keep going, it's jsut another day, jsut keep going, it's all going to be fine. But, you're gone. And now, now who's going to visit the guys with me, who's going to play pitch and suck as bad as me, who;'s going to know why I carry my cards in my purse? Who's going to laugh about stupid jokes and Monty Python and clip-clopping aorund at Christmas Carol plays?!?!? And i miss you so bad, I'm crying, and ym world is falling apart, nad the keyboard is a river of tears, spinning, spinning, away from control, away from me. And I can't stop typing ebcause when i stop typing, then I stop expressing adn start thinking, and thinking is what got me into this mess i nthe first place. And oh god... What do I want to do for college? Do I want to be a vet? can i be a vet? How am I going to apy for it? WHAT THE HELL is happening next door? Why is he tearing up my childhood forest? He took out the Jungle Book Tree... He killed my mom's blue spruce. Kristen, my paht is gone forever... Do you rmember that? I took my mom's clippers and you took a pair, and we both started at each other's houses, then started toward the other. We quit after a few hours, but we did it again the enxt day and well... it's gone.

Missy- why do you hate me? Do you hate me? Why do you avoid me so? Is Dan so important that you ahve to spend every waking moment wiht him, and you can't spend any time with the little poeple who sit here and kiss your feet and you merely kick at them as if they were a bug making your ankle itch? I feel like a bug, squashed and unimportant.

I have to go... Time for sleep. I can't handle being awake any more... It'll be better in the morning.