Insert loud, tired, aggravated, stressed, cranky, bitchy, pissed, and exasperated sigh, right here.

To tell you the truth, I feel like I'm writing fluff, like I can't say what's on my mind in here anymore, becuase I'm too busy, I've got too much going on at once, I'm too tired, I'm rushing, I'm worried about what someone may think, or some other bull.

And BTW... Just for the record, Closing Time is by Semi Sonic- thanks Naomi.

What Crystal said, it rings a bell of truth in my head, whether it's true or not, it's a definite possible scenario.

Jeremy, you are right, he is an ass. But, really, aren't you and I, also? When I say that you both remind me of the other, it's not becuase one of you possesses a quality the other doesn't- it's becuase you're the frieking SAME!!!! So, quit with the bullshit, hear what I'm saying, and just take it how you like! I'm so sick of people hearing me, and not -hearing- me. Just keep talking, over, under, all over, me. I'm not a rug, I don't ahve a kick me sign, FUCK OFF!!

Also, I defend him becuase he's my friend. Because I do care about him and I do care what you say about him. I defend him jsut the same way I defend you. I know your flaws, I accept them because, overall, you are a good person. And so is he. You're jsut going to have to accept my decision, and butt out.

And Nick, I understand your worry for your dad. I understand, and I respect it. But I'm going to ask about the war, because it's something that I need to know about. And I don't feel I should ahve to explain myself mroe than that, becuase well... I don't exactly know why. It's just something that I know. I left the message on the machine at least a couple weeks ago, and when I got no response, I wasn't really surprised, and was content to let it go. I didn't mention it to you, becuase I didn't really want you to know, until I'd gotten permission from your dad, to proceed. And now that I got it, I told you because I wanted your help in phrasing things so that they won't offend him, not your outright negativity to my objective. And if you won't help, then I'll be forced to stumble on my own, and just hope that I don't fall into a minefield.

Also, I don't know why I'm being so cranky these days, it's something I go through every once in a while, when I'm tired and stressed and have no place to turn to. I'd even lost my blogger for a while, because I was too afraid of what people would think, to write what I really thought.

I even hid the wink story- and the fact that I'm scared shitless to go to college, even though I'm sure everyone else is, too... I hide random things like how me and my mom went picture taking tonight, and I loved how she has such an eyes for scenes, patience to capture them, whereas I jump into things and leap jsut as quickly back. *smile* I love my mom, I hope she still knows it.

I swear, I had an enlightenment over the past few weeks. And this outdoor shower, that I've been raving to everyone about, is perfect for it. It gives me an excuse to run around in a towel, to flaunt the fact that yeah, I do have a will of my own, I'm not just a doll to be thrown around, I am in control of my life. After every shower, I feel so... rejuvenated- body and mind. I can't help but smile, because I feel so good.

So, why am I so depressed...

Maybe I just need better drugs. (just kidding...)