Oh my f'ing God. I am being such a horror-show right now. And I don't mean to, I jsut can't help it. I'm blaming it on PMS. I'm bored, which we all know is very bad for my temper, I feel left out- worse than possibly anything for my temper, and I've got no one to talk to anymore. Because I MAKE THEM FEEL HORRIBLE!!!

So, I'm going to rant and rage on here, where no one can get hurt, and nothing will get broken, except possibly m computer keys ,then I'm going to go out running and drink myself silly shortly after that... WHich reminds me... *Runs to put the whiskey in hte freezer... for later* haha Matt told me we were fools to let our alcohol get warm. Coming from an alcoholic, I'll take his word on it. haha

I don't know why I'm being so fiendish, but only really... to Matt, John, and to Kate if I didn't cut myself off and make up some dumb excuse as to why I couldn't talk 30 seconds into the AIM convo.

Matt, because at the moment I hate him- I dont know why, he doesn't deserve it, but nevertheless, I do.Probably a mixture of left-over resentment, bitterness, and unextinguished hurt, with a good dose of jealousy and lust mixed in. Great, huh? I want him, but I want to hurt him too. Wonderful how f'ed up I can be. And now that he's wary of me, I'm even more cruel, because I think he hates me, so why shouldn't I be mean? Lmao See what I mean? Soundproof room where no one can hear me, and I can't see or talk to them.

John because I'm dead jealous. Dead jealous that all three of them are gong away and leaving me to rot in this prison I call Narragansett in the winter. This is tempered by the fact that I really harbor no ill-will toward him, because he's never anything but nice. Honestly, what a great guy, and it's probably a good thing I'm not going because I'd jsut make their lives miserable anyway... *Shakes head* Oy.

Kate because... WEll... It's the girl syndrome. Girl gets guys, girl dumps all other girlfriends for guy. *shrugs* I should be used to it, I used to be used to it when I had others to hang with, but right now, with nothing to do and no other entertainment, I am sooo easily sparked, I'm ready to kill her any time she talks to me. And the only reason I bother making excuses to leave, whereas I kinda just shut up to John and openly spit-fire Matt, is because I know I'll be sad if she were to hate me after I'm done with this mood.

Not that I'd be indifferent is John and matt did, but... It'd be different. I respect Kate, and I know she knows my buttons better than them, and I'm really afraid that should I start, she'd start, and then after all was said and done, we'd both end up dead on hte ground. *ponders* Not a terrific scenario, if yo uget my drift.

So now... I'm going to watch Smallville, make sure Kevin doesn't piss me off too much with a good couple drinks of Vodka, and if I start geting pissy, sequester myself to my room with my stereo, headphones, and a good dose of Drowning Pool. And my new book. I might jsut make it to morning with those tools... Hopefully. If not, I don't like roses, so please leave something bright and cheerful on my grave. lmao