Still no word.

I'm so... I don't even know. Resigned? Hurt? Hateful? Spiteful? Violent?

If I ran into him on the street, I'm not sure what I'd do. I'd really like to start working with a punching bag in case that possibility should come up. Because honestly... I want to take out of his pretty face what he's taken out of my family. And he's taken a lot. I'd prolly have to take his jawbone and maybe an eye.. LoL Okay, so maybe one good solid punch would get my point across:

You asshole.

Jeremy asked me if I was more angry about him or my parents. Does it matter? It all comes back to him. It all goes back to him being the person I am most passionate about, in both rage and love. I hate him. I love him. I -hate- him. I don't know how to feel about this... I'm not sure if I let myself feel anything about this, if -everything- wouldn't come spilling out in one giant unctuous mess, leaving me sprawled on the floor laughing around my sobs.

But you know what? Right now I'm fine. I cut half of Orgo 2, watched some Gilmore Girls, and came home to 9 messages of people worried about me! That's frieking awesome! I never really knew that many people cared! I got to confuse the shit out of Matt... which is always a good way to end the day, and Naomi and I had a good laugh. Now we know it must be a good day.

I feel like talking about this is taboo. maybe it should stay that way... Night.