I can't be who you want. I can't be your friend. I don't WANT to be your friend; I mean, I do. You're a really good friend, but... I want more. And you can't give that to me. So... Take your shit. I can't do this anymore. I remember why I was so hesitant this year. I remember. And now... Now I'm in far too deep to get out by myself, so you have to help me. Take your stuff, go away. I care, too much, and... I don't want to. I can't. People suck, you suck, and... I don't want to play anymore. I don't want to be the "bigger person" anymore. I want to be little, small, me. I want to get it my way or the highway, no one else matters but me. And you... Nope. I can't do it. Not even when I'm sober. When I'm sober I can try, but it's always there, that niggling little... "Well, what would happen if I ... " And... it's killing me. It's hurting me. It makes me want to cry. I don't, but it makes me want to. It makes me sob, tearlessly, to my Beetle, about how I can't even deal with you.


Goodnight, and hopefully I will remember this in the morning so I can do what needs to be done. Don't you realize I walk away because I -don't want to-? Don't you realize I walk away because it won't get better. It only gets worse. And... I don't want to stop it, so I don't. So... It's time to go. Sweet dreams, good life, take care. Adios.