I think if anyone were to ever design some.. gene, perhaps, that eliminated shock, I would be one of the first to beat that idea down, Quick.

I remember 9/11. I remember watching the TV, hearing about it through my teacher; I remember having the rest of the day off to watch it in the auditorium or the cafeteria. I remember walking around, trying to be as solemn and depressed as everyone else, it seemed, and just not being able to feel -anything- about it. It was sad, for sure. But it didn't sucker punch me or anything.

I'm having another moment like that, right now. Since the call came at 7:43... exactly 25 minutes from right now.
"Ab, are you sitting down? Bad news."
"How bad is it?"
"It's bad. It's Memere."
"How bad?"
"Ab, you know.. She passed away this morning. We were too late to say goodbye, by ten minutes."
Throaty (I'm sure he thought I was crying, but I had actually just woken up.) little, "Okay."
"Mom and Dad will be calling you later. I jsut wanted to give you the heads-up right now. Are you okay?"
"Yeah... Yeah, I'm okay."

I can cry about retarded little things, but this? this just bites the cake. I'm so glad I went to go see her last week... Surprised her. I can tell you how I'm going to go through my day. I'm going to tear up every now and then when I get an especially good image of her in my head, but for the most part, I'll be pretty normal, maybe a little quiet, just wishing people would shut up and quit trying to comfort me because I'm not Fucking UPSET! If I have a break-through, I may cry a lot. It's never happened before, but... I hope it will this time. No... I will go around, feeling guilty because I just can't seem to... care. Complete apathy, beyond the momentary spurt of sadness. Just complete.. blah.

Well... I suppose, as well as people stepping on your feet, not letting you cheat at pool, and overall just not being as nice to you, Memere's can die the day after your birthday.

God I'm selfish. I'm so ashamed to post this.